when did YOU know?

formerlyGDaisy09

H and I have had a few discussions about when we want to start TTC, our last discussion was about six months ago and we said maybe in the next year or two. H turns 29 in June and I'm 27 in August.

My ideal kid situation is that I'd like to be done having kids by the time I'm 35, I'd like 2 kids with 4-5 years in between them (Ideally I'd like the oldest to be in kindergarten or at least pre-k before baby2). H is pretty much in for whatever I want...but he'd like to keep the table open for the possibility of 3 kids...I'm fine with that...but I do feel strongly about not having multiple kids under 3.5-4 years-old at the same time, so likely my "done by 35" wish would be sacrificed (i could do it, but I think it would turn me into a crazy person for a year or two). being a very math oriented person...assuming that we don't have any trouble (huge assumption) we could start TTC in about a year and meet my goal, but that is basically assuming that we conceive almost right away...and I know that's not reality. 

At the moment I'm very overwhelmed by the number of women in my life having babies. (my co-worker and hair stylist just delivered in the last 2 weeks, I've got 3 friends I was very close with in college who are 37-41 weeks right now, another has a 3 week-old, and if I'm really honest with myself I'm jealous.

When did you know for yourself that it was the right time to start TTC? (I realize that is a very personal question!) I'd love any input, I tried discussing this with my mom, but I couldn't get a read on her reaction...she just said I'm making her feel old! Did you just wake-up one day and decide it was right? or did you sit down with your calendar and set a date when you were going to deep-six contraceptives? 

Related, we have a 1 year-old dog who we got with the intention of her becoming my running partner (I run recreationally but do anything from short triathlons to half-marathons), she can't start accompanying me on training runs until her growth-plates fuse (near the end of this summer), but I've been warned that once she's in running shape she'll turn into a crazy-dog if she doesn't get those runs in (she's a pretty chill Dalmatian, but she's still a Dal through and through). has anyone here run through pregnancy (or through most of it?) H doesn't run, but has said that he would take responsibility for dog-park trips and long walks when I can't run the dog...just a whole other piece of this puzzle I've thought about recently.

RockABye

It varies for everyone. For us, we'd been married for almost 4 years at the time and were both 27. I always said I wanted at least one kid by the time I was 30. I had gotten off bcp b/c of high blood pressure (which dropped as soon as I got off), and then we started trying 2 months later because we just figured why not? We were in a good place financially, owned a home, etc. You're never 100% ready, I don't think, but we were as ready as two could be I guess. Our friends were just starting to have babies and it just felt right. It wasn't like the heaven's opened and angels sang or anything lol

Well, we've been married 9 years and are both 33  now and unfortunately, we still don't have a single child. So while there is nothing wrong with having personal timelines at all, just don't tie yourself to them because you never know what the future holds. I really, really hope that you meet your timeline, of course, but just want to remind you to just go with the flow too Good luck!

brij2006

*Loss mentioned*

I knew I was ready to TTC when we accidentally got pregnant a month before our wedding and lost it.  Otherwise our original plan was to be married at least a year before TTC.  Instead we started after 6 months.

As for running with your dog.  I also train for half marathons and run a lot with our 4 year old Collie.  When I was pregnant in October & November I continued to run with her. When I asked my midwife about it and the half marathon race I was scheduled for in April (I would've been 8 months along on race day), she told me to continue running if it was something regularly in my schedule.  My plan was to continue my training and run the race at 8 months if there were no issues.   I actually technically ran in a marathon relay pregnant too, but we didn't know it yet.

Whenever we get pregnant again, I will plan to do the same unless I'm told otherwise.  The way my half marathon schedules are, I will more than likely run a race pregnant.

formerlyGDaisy09

Absolutely...we'd go with the flow...I think my time line is just a place to start

I was recently switched from traditional BCP to the POP because I was having really intense migraine headaches and BCPs containing estrogen are contraindicated for people with optical-migraines because of increased risk for stroke. They offered me IUD or Nexplanon, which i turned down.

Aimothy

When I was about 10 years old, I knew I wanted to be a mom someday.  I got married when I was 30 and was already feeling "behind the curve" so I knew I wanted to start right away. 33 was ancient to be having kids. 

Now that I'm there, I'll be just fine and actually can't even imagine what it would be like if I had a 7-10 year old right now. 

seahorse01

We got really drunk one night after dating for like 4 months and talked about how we wanted to have kids together, so we stopped using protection.

That was in early 2007.

lfk2013

I've always wanted to be a mom, but had to wait for the right guy. On DH & I's first date, the subject of kids came up. I was and still am of the mindset to wait a year or so and just be married. He was 5 or more years. He has set our timeline because I don't want to push him into anything he isn't ready for. A couple nights ago, he brought up the fact that he can't wait for us to be parents and for me to be pregnant...apparently, he has been having a lot of dreams where I'm pregnant or giving birth lately. To be honest, it's throwing me for a loop. Right now, I am medically restricted from trying...and when he says things like that (coupled with my friends/family having babies and getting KU), it makes me question the decision. And wonder what if.

I don't think you are ever fully ready to be a parent. You just do your best when the time comes and hopefully the kid won't turn out exactly like you.

nfp147

We were 35 and 38 when we got married, so our ages pretty much decided for us.  

It's a really personal decision; one that only you and you H can make.  Good luck!

cloudymeatballs

We talked about it before getting married. So, we decided that at our 1 year anniversary we would start trying. So that was in September when we starting actually stopped using the pull out method. Now here we are, and hopefully FX having ours in about 9 months...

zamboni00

I'm always curious about this, too. H and I met weeks before my 30th birthday, and I had always wanted 2 or 3 kids. It wasn't really a question. We married when I was 33- and we started trying right away.

lindsayandjamie

We had been together 10 yrs when we got married, but I wanted to get a job that gave me mat leave benefits (in Canada, we're blessed with mat leave, but I wanted a full ride).  Anyway, I got the job 9 months after our wedding and my brother was getting married the following July which I was in, so decided that after his wedding, we would start.  We owned our homes, had been married 1.5yr and had stable jobs.  Basically, we had no reason not to try.  It took us a year to actually conceive.

 

BlueBirdMB

This was great to read.  We're in that place too when we're thinking about having kids in a few years.  Part of me is in no hurry, but part of me has baby fever.  It's really strange.  H originally wanted to get started right away when we got married, but now he's all for waiting.

formerlyGDaisy09

Thanks, this is really helpful! H and I have been married almost 2 years, and own our own home, and recently it has been getting to that point when i'm questioning why we're waiting, or I can't come up with a reason why we're waiting.

We do have 5-6 weddings coming up in the next year, one of which I'm in, so perhaps once our friends have dates set that'll give us some additional structure to work around. At least 4 of those weddings are from my group of close friends (seriously they all caught the marriage bug this past thanksgiving, christmas, and valentines day) so they are not weddings that I want to miss for any reason.

formerlyGDaisy09

BlueBirdMB said:

This was great to read.  We're in that place too when we're thinking about having kids in a few years.  Part of me is in no hurry, but part of me has baby fever.  It's really strange.  H originally wanted to get started right away when we got married, but now he's all for waiting.

this is pretty much what I'm feeling...it's not helping the baby fever that I'm currently working on a project with the OB group in the medical center where I work... 

poppies717

Late to the party, but we waited until we both had stable jobs and we owned a home. These were personal goals we set and wanted in place before welcoming a child into our lives. We are 2+ years in with no child. In hindsight, I wish we had started right away.

formerlyGDaisy09

poppies717 said:

Late to the party, but we waited until we both had stable jobs and we owned a home. These were personal goals we set and wanted in place before welcoming a child into our lives. We are 2+ years in with no child. In hindsight, I wish we had started right away.

This is a little bit what I'm concerned about, that maybe we're wasting time we'll regret later. H just figured out his job situation (he's been under-employed recently...he just took on another PT position to bring his total weekly hours to 45-50, so that feels much better) My job is very stable, and we've owned our home for 2 years. we've taken care of the credit card debt H built-up in his early 20's, and we have a solid plan to tackle our student loans. The only thing on our list "to get done be fore kids" is finishing a portion of our basement to add a guest room, craft/play room, and bathroom to our house so the current guest room could become a nursery.  Perhaps we should see what wedding plans come to light in the next month or two and revisit our TTC plan.

Bride2Be22512

I didn't read any the previous replies so this may have been said... But I knew I wanted to start TTC. When I couldn't stop thinking about it. I too am one of the last of my friends to have babies...and it was strange and overwhelming at first. Just try to listen to yourself more than anything. If the thought makes you quiver or nervous... I'd personally try to hold off. But if you get a twinge of curiosity, feel comfortable with devoting your life to someone other than yourself, feel as though you have support from your partner... Go for it!!! I have no children yet but hope to one day. It's a big...no tremendous responsibility...but I believe rewarding as well. Good luck in your journey!

brij2006

Gdaisy09 said:

poppies717 said:

Late to the party, but we waited until we both had stable jobs and we owned a home. These were personal goals we set and wanted in place before welcoming a child into our lives. We are 2+ years in with no child. In hindsight, I wish we had started right away.

This is a little bit what I'm concerned about, that maybe we're wasting time we'll regret later. H just figured out his job situation (he's been under-employed recently...he just took on another PT position to bring his total weekly hours to 45-50, so that feels much better) My job is very stable, and we've owned our home for 2 years. we've taken care of the credit card debt H built-up in his early 20's, and we have a solid plan to tackle our student loans. The only thing on our list "to get done be fore kids" is finishing a portion of our basement to add a guest room, craft/play room, and bathroom to our house so the current guest room could become a nursery.  Perhaps we should see what wedding plans come to light in the next month or two and revisit our TTC plan.

This was kind of how we felt too.  We owned our house for 3 years before getting married and had been together for 8 years already.  We had no CC debt, had a good emergency fund in place, already had a baby fund, and had traveled quite a bit.  When we started our premarital counseling we said we would wait 5 years and enjoy our time together.  Then we really got thinking about it and realized that we've already done all of the steps in our "plan" and didn't have any reason to wait.  Now we're only back to TTA because there are issues that have put us in the position where we want all of our debt gone before moving forward with a specialist. 

So maybe discuss it again and set out some other goals in the meantime.  Or have a plan that it will be re-discussed every 3 or 6 months until you're both fully ready.