Sex & Romance
yaykarin
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
My theory- Sex, Desire and the difference between men & women. Thoughts?
I had a little theory develop spontaneously last night that I would love some fellow wives' thoughts on.
I saw this really provocative photo of a girl on Instagram. Below were (of course) lots of male comments - things like "I need to get me one of them" etc. And I got to wondering "what was this girl thinking posting something like this?"... Which led me to this theory: I think there are 2 things in play here - sex and desire.
We as women, I feel, generally want to feel desired, longed for, sought after, pursued and ultimately adored/loved. We want to feel desired more than we actually want sex most times, if we were really forced to choose.
Whereas men, I'm realizing are the polar opposites. Sure, I think they do enjoy being desired/loved by women --- but not nearly as much as they actually want sex. That is their primary goal, need, aim, etc. far more so than worrying about whether or not they are "desirable" or truly loved. This, I think, causes a lot of confusion, frustration, and in marriage can really be a learning curve for both men and women.
I want to feel desirable - spend $, time, effort, energy on looking and acting in such a way so as to be desired. This has may or may not have anything to do with ACTUALLY wanting sex (which, having a couple toddlers running around, is not that often). This is disappointing for men.
Men fulfill that female need to feel desirable in their pursuit of sex, but once women have the feeling - the actual sex is just not as important. Similarly,in their pursuit of sex, men can seem like the perfect partner - loving, adoring, admiring, etc. But once that sex part happens, the desire/adoration/lovingness can fall by the wayside. The behavior before may or may not have anything to do with the actual love/desire/adoration, etc.
All that to say - I think we ladies can put ourselves out there - online, at home, out and about - in order to help us fulfill a primary need - to feel desired. Men need to understand that aspect for what it really is.
And similarly we also (I especially) need to be sensitive to the fact that the physical is an important male need, one that shouldn't be ignored or brushed to the side, because in the end everyone wants validation - it just takes different forms.
Make any sense? Thoughts? I'd love to hear any further ruminations
I saw this really provocative photo of a girl on Instagram. Below were (of course) lots of male comments - things like "I need to get me one of them" etc. And I got to wondering "what was this girl thinking posting something like this?"... Which led me to this theory: I think there are 2 things in play here - sex and desire.
We as women, I feel, generally want to feel desired, longed for, sought after, pursued and ultimately adored/loved. We want to feel desired more than we actually want sex most times, if we were really forced to choose.
Whereas men, I'm realizing are the polar opposites. Sure, I think they do enjoy being desired/loved by women --- but not nearly as much as they actually want sex. That is their primary goal, need, aim, etc. far more so than worrying about whether or not they are "desirable" or truly loved. This, I think, causes a lot of confusion, frustration, and in marriage can really be a learning curve for both men and women.
I want to feel desirable - spend $, time, effort, energy on looking and acting in such a way so as to be desired. This has may or may not have anything to do with ACTUALLY wanting sex (which, having a couple toddlers running around, is not that often). This is disappointing for men.
Men fulfill that female need to feel desirable in their pursuit of sex, but once women have the feeling - the actual sex is just not as important. Similarly,in their pursuit of sex, men can seem like the perfect partner - loving, adoring, admiring, etc. But once that sex part happens, the desire/adoration/lovingness can fall by the wayside. The behavior before may or may not have anything to do with the actual love/desire/adoration, etc.
All that to say - I think we ladies can put ourselves out there - online, at home, out and about - in order to help us fulfill a primary need - to feel desired. Men need to understand that aspect for what it really is.
And similarly we also (I especially) need to be sensitive to the fact that the physical is an important male need, one that shouldn't be ignored or brushed to the side, because in the end everyone wants validation - it just takes different forms.
Make any sense? Thoughts? I'd love to hear any further ruminations
Re: My theory- Sex, Desire and the difference between men & women. Thoughts?
PS Sorry to interject into this requested (female) only discussion but just wanted to add that comment.