New Job w/ 70% Travel

blythebrownlow

Hello All,

My husband and I currently live in Seattle and my husband has applied for a new promotion which would take us to Denver.  The problem is that the job is 50-75% travel.  This is a unique opportunity that would eventually (1-2 years) allow him to do his dream job, if he doesn't take this job then we will be going down a career path that he doesn't want.  He really wants to have the chance to try this and work on getting into the job he really wants.  

However, I'm very concerned about the travel portion of the job.  We are not a couple that spends much time apart, and now we're looking at only being together 7-15 days per month.  We would try to fly me out as much as possible, but I will have a full time job there as well.  I'm curious if anyone has gone through this type of transition?  What are some of the ways you stay connected in your marriage when you just see each other over skype?  

Any and all tips would be welcome, I will be in a new city with no friends or family...just not really sure how to deal with it and keep our marriage strong!  Thanks in advance!

sillygoosegirl

DH and I are normally joined at the hip, but after 6 years of marriage I took a job that was 75%-100% travel.  It was difficult, but we made sure to spend lots of time together when I was home on the weekends, and talked on the phone a lot.  It was good for my career, and actually it was really good for DH's career as well (we do the same thing and after a couple months my employer offered DH a job too, which ultimately he turned down, but he used it to negotiate something like a 30% raise at the job he was at and liked except for the money being really bad).  I only traveled for about 15 months, and it definitely was hard on our marriage, but I'm a lot more confident in myself and my career for it, and afterward I landed a much better job without travel than I would have gotten if I'd never taken the travel position.  Also, the money was much better than any similar position without travel, so it allowed us to save up basically 50% of the purchase price of our home, not to mention getting ahead on retirement savings.

Looking back, it really sucked at the time, and I'm not quite sure how we managed, but it wasn't for a long time it was so worth it in the long run.  

I'd be more concerned about the fact that it involves a move.  Do you think you could be happy in Denver?  Do you think you could find a good job for yourself in Denver?  Aren't there any opportunities based out of Seattle that would be just as good.  It's kind of hard to imagine a big city like Seattle not having some similar career opportunities to whatever might be in Denver.  On the other hand, there's a lot to be said for a bird in the hand, and your money will certainly go further in Denver than in Seattle.  

Lilyrose4242

Denver is my hometown! It's a great place to live, H and I are trying to get back there. It's a welcoming place as there is a large amount of people moving there in recent years. It's a lot drier than Seattle though.

As for the traveling, H and I spent almost two thirds of our three year dating relationship (and all 16 years of our friendship) long distance. It got harder the closer we got. We spent a lot of time on the phone, Skype, and ooVoo. We also spent a lot of time in airports and on the road. He would sometimes send me love letters in the mail and have flowers sent to me. Even saying that it wasn't fun. The one of the good thing was I could hang out with my girl friends whenever I wanted, but that's about it. The distance did really improve our communication and patience.

It really will test your relationship so I wouldn't advise against it but I would avoid it if possible.  Like PP said it could be twice as hard on you because it involves a move. So not only would your H be gone frequently but you wouldn't have your friends to back you up.

edit: words

BlueBirdMB

I think every couple is different.  My father traveled about 75% of the time my whole childhood.  Now they run their own business and he lives about an hour away Monday-Friday and only comes home for the weekends.  They love it that way and all their married friends are pretty jealous of the situation.  They have great weekends together and are really "together" then in a way I don't see other couples.  It's true, quality time, and they are devoted to reconnection and having family time those days.  I think it makes them closer than most couples who take for granted their time together and even though they may be physically together, they aren't necessarily always emotionally and mentally together.

My husband and I have talked about him maybe looking for a traveling job.  It would be more money and would lead him in a good career direction.  He's not sure he would like traveling, but I really wouldn't mind it as I was used to this growing up.  Our biggest reservation is this: I own a business where my primary hours after late afternoon and evenings.  Perfect for having a kid, but not if H is traveling all the time.  He would have to make enough money for me to able to stay home full time- that's not something I'm sure I want to do and not something we are sure is feasible. 

I agree that the move would probably be the more complicated part.  Will you be okay in a new city being alone?