Jealous of SIL

TallyKyle

So my husband's brother and his wife JUST announced that they are expecting. They haven't yet been married a year, I know that I should not feel like we are competing with them, but we have been married two years. We have always felt like it was a race to get pregnant first.I am beyond happy for them, butI am also insanely jealous. My husband and his brother are constantly competing, and I feel like I'm constantly comparing myself to my SIL. I feel like the nieces and nephews like her more, I feel like everyone likes her more. She's the type of person who bleaches her hair and I feel like she kisses everyone's butt, while I'm yje pony tail and "whatever" girl, but it still hurts. How can I get over, or at least cope, with these feelings of jealousy?

cinderin

I need to hear more about the type of person who bleaches their hair.

nightmare_of_beauty

Ok if anyone knows how to get over being jealous, let me know. 

I didn't find an intro post, so I will give you the best advice that I can. I don't know if you have been trying or are waiting. 

Are you sure there is a competition? It may just feel that way. If there is than choose not to be part of it. It is silly and stupid. Take some time and figure out your blessings. I'm sure you have plenty of good things going for you. When you feel jealous of what others have, focus on what you have.

If you have been having trouble, talk to your doctor. If you aren't trying yet, you have your reasons and focus on achieving whatever you need to achieve before you start trying. It will all happen when it's meant to and people will be just as happy for you.  

RockABye

I think maybe you should distance yourself from them for awhile. it's ok to be disappointed and a bit jealous that they got KU before you, but to be honest, it sounds like you're investing WAY too much energy in being jealous in general.. not just from the pregnancy perspective. If you're jealous of multiple things with them (which it sounds like), you may need to take a step back and re-evaluate. I'm not saying this will fix it, but maybe try to think about things you LIKE about BIL/SIL and focus on those? Maybe that will help you learn to deal with the stuff that bothers you. If you focus on the negative, that's all you're going to see... you're going to dig your pit deeper and deeper. Instead, I'd recommend finding good things to focus on.. maybe focus on how you can be the favorite aunt to her kid! And if there's just bad blood there, then I go back to my original suggestion to just take a step back and distance yourself from them.

And this is coming from someone who gets it. My 4 yrs younger little brother/SIL just had their first baby. We've been married (9 years) and have been TTC for over 5 years, which is longer than they've been married. So I get it. It feels unfair and I'm sad that it happened to them first, but I just move on. It's not worth wasting energy on. Sure, it still hurts and it sucks, but that's life. Life isn't fair. Why waste time being angry about stuff I can't change?

nfp147

I have bleached my hair in the past, so you probably don't want my opinion.

seahorse01

nfp147 said:

I have bleached my hair in the past, so you probably don't want my opinion.

I have highlights, so I am also unqualified to offer an opinion.

I am not a people pleaser though, I do what I want!

Aimothy

Jealousy is a very normal part of life.  Especially when people have things that you want.   Just remind yourself that there is someone out there that is jealous of something YOU have.  Maybe your SIL is jealous of the kind of relationship you have with your husband.  She might not have that with the brother. 

I get the jealousy thing.  Right now, I'm 4.5 years of trying to  use the boy name that we want.  My BIL is now on his second child, and will be naming his child the same name if they have a boy first.  It makes me angry that it's so "easy" for them to get pregnant.  Sure, we are probably going to have sons with the same name, but I just remind myself....his behavior does not define me and it does not define my marriage. 

sgautschi

I have bleached my hair numerous times and got pregnant before we were married a year. I guess I'm a terrible person.

In all seriousness though OP, I can understand the jealousy. I think it's easy to get wrapped up in, but having said that, having a baby is not a competition as @Madeline10L said. It is a very big decision that you and your H need to make together and be 100% on the same page about. If you are on the same page and have been trying, I'm sorry you have not gotten your BFP yet and I wish you lots of luck in the future. If not though, take a deep breath and focus on something NBR, like personal goals (losing weight, paying off debt, running a marathon, whatever) and then when that is all done, reevaluate TTC with your H, but in the meantime try not to let the jealousy consume you. You are about to become an aunt after all, and that's very exciting!