Trouble in Paradise
KCsLacey
member
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Books that have helped your marriage?
Hi,
My husband and I have hit a slump, and we're having real problems communicating and addressing our mutual needs to help get ourselves out of it. I feel like he doesn't do anything to treat me special anymore, and based on his (lack of) responses during discussions/arguments, it seems like he just wants me to go get happier on my own and in the meantime as long as we're not actively fighting then we must be OK.
Has anyone has any good experiences with relationship books that helped you improve your communication and increase your bond/intimacy? There just seem to be so many options available, that it's hard to pick ones worth trying.
Thank you!
Re: Books that have helped your marriage?
She's a linguistics professor who is AMAZING. Really, any of her books are useful, but I've found that one to be the most useful one I've ever read. It hasn't helped just my marriage (before I ever even MET DH), but it's helped many of my interactions with friends and co-workers.
How to Win Friends and Influence People
And some of the stuff Tannen said in there...I kind of tried on men who wanted to date (or just hook up), because I was curious about how accurate she was.
Pretty damn dead-on.
It's one of the ONLY books in my personal library of books that I will jot notes in it or highlight when I feel something is important. It's also one of those that I keep two copies at all times; one to keep, and one I will give away if a friend needs it (I'll then go replace it at Half Price Books for the next person in crisis).
Not sure if you have a Kindle or Nook, but maybe your local library might have it as well? Just a thought!!
Hidden Keys of a Loving Lasting Marriage by Gary Smalley
My husband and I went through the Love & Respect curriculum (it's available as a book, or a DVD based study kit), and it was wonderful!! Our relationship was good before, but in general, it helped our communication a lot. As others have mentioned, the Five Love Languages by Chapman is a good book, and the two do share lots of similarities, but Love & Respect better addresses the issue of respect that men naturally have a desire obtain. It helped me understand how to show my husband respect, to which he naturally responds with love (which I need).
I think Love & Respect would more directly address your slump & communication issues, but really, I would recommend anything by Gary Smalley just for general marriage improvement. The book that I read is actually a combination of two of his other books. The husband reads the first half, the wife reads the second. Great insight into the differences between men and women, and how to better communicate between the two. He has another book, The Language of Sex that I plan on reading in the future.
The Five Love Languages is amazing! I almost feel like including it in every wedding gift I give because it helped our relationship out so much but I won't go that far lol. Just read it!