What makes a marriage?

SusieQ1982

I'm going to cross post this to a few interesting boards to see if I can get a really wide range of replies. I'm curious to see what everyone is going to say. I know most people here are fairly newly married so I think it'll be an interesting contrast to the sites where couples have been married for an average of twenty years.

I'm going to write a blog post, but no one will be quoted- I'm just looking for concepts. For myself, I've been married nine years.


What makes a marriage, to you? What are the necessary components to make it successful?

BlueBirdMB

What makes a marriage is… a marriage license!  I know what you mean though.  I've only been married a year, but I'll take a stab at this.

1. The type of compatibility that can grows together.  While we may shift and grow as individuals, we have a connection that is strong enough so that we grow in compatible ways.

2. Respect.  I'm so grateful that we completely respect each other.  

3. The ability to listen.  I believe that communication is listening.  I listen well, H sometimes doesn't, but he always listens eventually.

4. Patience.  H is insanely patient. I try to work on patience.  I have a job where I have to be extremely patient all day and I tend to release frustrations quickly at home.  I'm working on that.

5. The ability to open and honest.  My husband knows my deepest feelings and the most superficial of concerns.  Sometimes it's the superficial and smallest problems that are the most difficult to communicate. 

KatieCutie05

1.love and Respect. I know those are different but neither one is more important than the other and they are mutually exclusive, you can't have one without the other. What's love to me is respect to him. 

2. Friendship. I married my best friend. I never realized how important this was until a few years ago. You need to laugh and enjoy each others company and tease each other and be brutally honest with each other. It makes the hard times easier and the good time s even better.

3. Communication and working together. When your married you become as one. He's hurt, I'm hurt. He's happy, I'm happy. You have to approach each argument knowing you either win together or lose together but no matter what you do it together. This is why money should be handled together. Because it teaches you how to communicate and work together toward a common goal

GilliC

BlueBirdMB said:

What makes a marriage is… a marriage license!

And three or more signatures, depending on state law.

Janimal

I've also been married for 9 years.  We're happy.

I think the answer is different for every marriage.  What's cool in one marriage is not acceptable for another.  What keeps my marriage strong might not be important to other couples.  Marriage is what you make it.

Wife Kitty

Absolutely a key component of a good marriage is true friendship. Beyond loving each other, you have to really like each other. My husband and I have only been married for just over a year, but we were friends for ten years before we even started dating. We had been a couple for seven years on top of that when we got married. It makes all the difference in the world. As KatieCutie05 said, "it makes the hard times easier and the good times even better."

+flowersinherhair+

Working as a team, communicating as well as friendship and laughter.

Lauren+Aaron

Lot's of giving.  I read a quote once that said marriage is 50/50, it's 100/100.  And that's really true because you will not always get your away!  Let it go.  I think also what makes a marriage is learning it's not your job to better another person.  I am learning not to nag my husband and instead let him make his own decisions even if that includes mistakes and learn from them.

So I think what makes a marriage is giving, trust (trust your husband to know what's best for him you) and communication. :-)