Trouble in Paradise
jlp41704
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Caught Him in Lies
Hi ladies! I was hoping to get some positive advice on here regarding my husband. Recently, I have caught him in lies regarding texting and going to the casino. I am in therapy already because of the loss of my mom. I am also going to bring it up to my therapist in our next session but in the meantime, I could use some help and support:) A few weeks ago his iPad kept dinging and I went to silence it because I was working on a paper for grad class. It was a number I didn't recognize so I simply asked him who it was. He said, "it's one of my suppliers for the business." Yes, he owns his own business but how would a supplier know he's been sick recently with a sinus infection so I asked again. He got so mad (almost flew into a rage) and started calling me crazy. I backed off for a few days. Then I asked him again who it was and he responds," It's nobody, none of your damn business!!" I ask again. "It's a friend!!!!!" me: "What's her name?" Him: "Does it matter?!?!?!?!?!?! It's none of your f&^%ing business!" Come to find out it's some "friend" named "Chris" who he lived with a few years back that is "a friend of someone he knows". He was extremely vague about it and shut down and extremely argumentative and super defensive. He also went to a casino last month during the day and didn't tell me. I found out when a casino players club card fell out of his wallet during pocket-checking before I wash clothes. I guess I'm wanting to know why he didn't tell me he ran into this girl at the grocery store and why she was texting him and why he didn't tell me he went to the casino. Am I being overly concerned or do I have a right to be frustrated? Thanks!
Re: Caught Him in Lies
Caught Him In Lies.
This is all we really need to know -- and all you need to know.
Now to read your actual post:
Hi ladies! I was hoping to get some positive advice on here regarding my husband. Recently, I have caught him in lies regarding texting and going to the casino.
He may also have a gambling problem --- I did not get to the rest of your post yet --- but if he is going to the casino too often and/or you and he simply cannot afford casino jaunts, it's time to say goodbye to him ---- there is a problem with something if it interferes with your relationship with the person who has the problem.
I am in therapy already because of the loss of my mom. I am also going to bring it up to my therapist in our next session but in the meantime, I could use some help and support:) A few weeks ago his iPad kept dinging and I went to silence it because I was working on a paper for grad class. It was a number I didn't recognize so I simply asked him who it was. He said, "it's one of my suppliers for the business." Yes, he owns his own business but how would a supplier know he's been sick recently with a sinus infection so I asked again.
That is indeed possible for business people to know he is sick. He probagly told them....
But this is not good and this is pretty, yeah -- CRAZY:
He got so mad (almost flew into a rage) and started calling me crazy.
I backed off for a few days. Then I asked him again who it was and he responds," It's nobody, none of your damn business!!"
Nice going, ace.
I ask again. "It's a friend!!!!!" me: "What's her name?" Him: "Does it matter?!?!?!?!?!?! It's none of your f&^%ing business!"
I would not tolerate angry outbursts --- what is he, 5? --- and I would not tolerate divisiveness and cursing. Who does he think he is talking to?
That his reaction was so vehement leads me to believe he is hiding something.
Come to find out it's some "friend" named "Chris" who he lived with a few years back that is "a friend of someone he knows". He was extremely vague about it and shut down and extremely argumentative and super defensive.
This is bullshit.
He also went to a casino last month during the day and didn't tell me. I found out when a casino players club card fell out of his wallet during pocket-checking before I wash clothes. I guess I'm wanting to know why he didn't tell me he ran into this girl at the grocery store and why she was texting him and why he didn't tell me he went to the casino. Am I being overly concerned or do I have a right to be frustrated? Thanks!
All of this is fishy.
If I were you, I'd give Gamblers Anonymous a call ---http://www.gamblersanonymous.org/ga/ - and bounce this off them. Click on the link and find the GA location for your state.
If I were you --- right this minute, I would do the folloowing:
PROTECT YOUR ASSETS
Run a credit report check on you and on him
Have a look at ever single credit card statement and if you see a number you do not recognize, call it. Ask what the service entails.
I am willing to go as far as to say he has a gambling problem, simply because it is causing arugments, he's very defensive about it and he is visiting a casino far too often.
He could be involved with the entire Playboy Mansion for all I( know --- but the bigger problem is the gambling.
This is a dealbreaker. Keep a close eye on what's happening --- and oh yeah:
That he lied is not good.
Nor is this "*$&#$&#!!!" garbage. Do not tolerate that. Do not tolerate walking on eggs around him, either.
Keep a close eye on the joint funds you have with your H --- if you find out that there is less money in it than there should be or he's not quite anteing up enough money from his income, there could be an even bigger problem than you thought.
He's got a problem with gambling, like I said, merely because there are arguments about it. I am not saying he has an actual addiction -- he may or may not develop one --- but the unwelcome and unwarranted trips and the lying have to go.
And that's affirmative.
If he refuses to stop going, you have no way of telling whether he is or is not actually going. You may never know.
And there are also other ways he can gamble minus a casino trip.
Please keep an eye on what's happening. GL.
You can't go through life wondering what he will lie to you about next time around.
It's really the flying into a rage over innocent questions that would have me concerned. I also read your post abou the Facebook thing. One thing I'm a little confused about is if he has had a history of cheating. Because, unlike the other PPs, I would lump a lot of this into he's a flirty guy who likes attention from women...which doesn't always equal a cheater. What isn't okay, is reactivating an old Facebook account to continue his flirtiness...even if he is innocent of anything else...when this has already been an issue between the two of you.
As far as the gambling, again perhaps I am missing something, but I was a bit surprised at some of the reactions. Unless this is an issue you have discussed with him in the past and/or it is causing money problems, I don't see the big deal in going to a casino sometimes, even if he didn't mention it to you.
I get the impression that my DH and I have a more easygoing marriage than most people, so I'm sure that does skew my views on things. But I love to play video poker and go to the casino all the time. It is my form of relaxation and entertainment. It's not unusual at all for me to go to the casino and not mention it to him. Not because I'm trying to keep a secret, but because it was just a part of my day and...unless I hit a killer hand...there's nothing interesting to talk about with it. With that said, if he ever expressed a need for me to tell him every time I went, that's fine also.