Trouble in Paradise
jlp41704
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Sketchy Behavior=Cheating?
This is a follow-up post to my one the other day about my DH. Here's a quick little background info: On my husband's one FB page he had two women one there from HS who would constantly flirt with, one he messed around with a few years ago before we met. He deactivated this page and started a new one which I have no issues with because we know each other's FB passwords. On the newer FB account there are several women who would send him flirty messages and I wasn't OK with that so he blocked them. They are still blocked. Yesterday I noticed the old account was reactivated and the password was changed so now he has 2 FB pages going, one with access to these women who bother me because they have no boundaries. I don't know what to do. Should I lay low and act like I don't know it's activated and see what he does or ask him? Remember, he loves becoming defensive and tries turning the tables on me to where it's my fault. Thank you!
Re: Sketchy Behavior=Cheating?
ETA: fuck these broken-ass quote boxes.
It really doesn't sound like they're the only ones with no boundaries here. I mean, honestly, I wouldn't even give a shit what they do, because for cheating to happen, the person who made the commitment has to break it. These women didn't promise you shit; he's the one that did. (ETA again) Even if he were to cheat, that would be on him and not just them; it's not like they tripped him and he fell, and whoops, his penis slipped in!
ALL of this. Dude- these women flirt because he encourages and responds to it. You know the deal here. You KNOW it. He's being shady and he's defensive because he's being caught doing something wrong.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
And I'm going to be really blunt here - I don't know how much effort I'd put into saving this marriage. While I don't believe in the blanket statement of "once a cheater, always a cheater", at the same time - when someone is consistent in their behavior and do the same thing numerous time, I DO believe in that statement.
I personally have no doubt that he's probably cheated. And on the small chance he hasn't, he probably will eventually. And at a minimum, he LIKES this attention.
This won't change because you tell him you both need to go to counseling. He won't change unless HE wants to change, but as pervasive as this behavior seems to be - this is WHO he is.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
The written word as we know it seems to make a very magically bizarre transformation on FB....and what is written there seems to come out an entirely different way than it normally does otherwise.
What is "flirty" on FB may or may not be flirty "in person." Or elsewhere. What's written on FB is entirely different.
Your problem is you cannot trust him. That's what your major problem is, not FB and who said what to him there.
Your other problem is that you do not have a healthy relationship with your H. You're being a cop, not a spouse and equal.
Decide what you want to do, now that you cannot trust your H. GL.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
The thing is (to me) wrapped up in your sentence ...with his past behaviour (being a gross, most likely cheating, rage-monkey, lying, untrustworthy douchebag) , I think she has every RIGHT to do what she is doing. No. To me, she does not have the RIGHT to completely disregard his basic expectation of privacy. She has the JUSTIFICATION to do so, but not the RIGHT.
If she feels she HAS to do this then the relationship is kind of crap and it's time to call a spade a spade, no?
Further to the whole privacy thing - my husband knows all of my passwords. Not because I hand them over to him in submission but because I'm forgetful and use the same password or variation of it for practically everything. I'm a hacker's wet dream. I know his because he told me, but I don't really care, nor do I have it written down anywhere. He only told me because I called one day freaking out that his computer randomly turned on and started blasting offensive rap music while my grandmother was visiting and I couldn't log in to turn it off without a password. (not funny, but well played husband, well played.) I don't want my husband going through my FB messages - I'm not flirting with high school flings of years gone by, I'm not trolling craigslist for late night gigolo encounters nor am I setting up dogging circles at the local supermarket parking lot. I'm mostly talking to my pregnant friend about unholy levels of constipation, mutually assessing the 'thug' level of a friend's aloof cat or being a backstabbing ho-bag on a FB group. Or three.
None of it is any of his business unless I CHOOSE to share it with him. Him demanding access to my accounts and actually checking them to see what I was talking about, who I was talking to and 'approving' of things is so controlling that if a man were doing this to a woman we would likely all call him an abuser and tell her to GTFO out of there, as the controlling behaviour is likely to escalate. Now, chances are that OP is not going to start beating her husband but hey, she might. My point is that there is something seriously off about that, and that idea that healthy couples share EVERYTHING, because they don't.
Hence the reason the most successful married couples still tend to poop with the door closed.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk