Sex & Romance
karaconley83
member
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Husband not interested in sex?
So I know most people's first thought is going to be...he's cheating. However, my husband definitely isn't cheating but has very little interest in sex. Part of it has been his struggling job situation over the last year has really taken the wind out of his sails but recently after only having sex 3 times in a month (and all three times not particularly great) I put my foot down and said, we need to talk about this, its hurting me and our marriage. I have tired everything sexy outfits, being spur of the moment, doing things I know he likes....
He tells me he gets bored easily and has a hard time opening up and connecting during sex. In past relationships he always had to be the one who initiated sex and hates to have to do that. So I am left to be the one who is always initiating it and would like a little romance and to be wooed myself sometimes. We have been married for not quite 2 years. I get that he may have issues and I'm glad we are talking about it but in the mean time I've never felt more terrible about myself and want some hot sex in my life! Anyone have similar issues or have any advice? I want him to be happy and for both of us to fullfilled by our sex life but even he says he's not sure what the answer is.
Re: Husband not interested in sex?
1-Another long talk with him about your sex lives. Do it outside the bedroom and have the talk on Saturday. Make sure you take your time. it's imperative he participates.
2-Get yourselves to a sex therapist and a marriage counselor. Your marriage shouldn't be experiencing this problem; married 2 years? Sex twice a week would be fantastic and if it is *only* weekend sex, why not? Maybe a few quickies thrown in during the month would be great, too.
He can't pass this problem off with "Oh I cannot open up and I got tired of initiating." It sounds like he's dropped the ball and he's simply not interested in having sex anymore.
You can't find this acceptable. Get to a marriage counselor and a sex therapist -- make it clear he is to go and if he refuses, that's very bad news --- and in a few more months, see where you stand.
if it turns out that he's no longer a willing partner or he won't do anything about the problem, consider taking this to where YOU want it taken. Make up your mind if you can accept little or no sex in your marriage or whether sex is important to you. He can give you the option of participating in an open marriage -- and if you don't like that idea or if he refuses to do that, you can consider finding a spouse who is a great deal more in the bedroom.
It could very well be he has emotionally checked out of the marriage and wow that's the ballgame if that's so. Please do yourself a favor and get down to the bottom of this. There's something way wrong with this picture.
Let us know what happens. GL.
edited 5-9-14
It also could very well be possible your relationship with him is over. Sad indeed --- but it happens.
His frequency of sex has diminished, when you do have sex with him it isn't quality and he's told you he gets bored easily and he does not wish to initiate anymore. What the heck is up with comments like these? I tend to, like I said, think this is all an excuse and a put off so he can get away with checking out of making sure you are sexually satisfied and happy in general. Nice guy.
Like I said, a bedroom door doesn't shut for no reason. Men simply do not stop having sex. Consider the possibility he is getting his sex elsewhere and/or he has simply decided no more sex with you.
It also could he he simply isn't a sexual kind of guy and what you saw before you got married was more or less his representative. I don't know -- I've considered an affair and other possibilities; whatever it is doesn't bode well.
You could spend money and get a PI to follow him, sure, but your greater problem is that you are not happy.
Do something about this. Little by little this guy is shutting you out.
When you told him what's happening is hurting your marriage and you, what did he say? I am curious as to what his response and action taken was.
At this point you have no reason to believe he's having an affair. So I wouldn't even let that enter your head, it's only going to cloud the current issue. There are plenty of reason why a "guy" might not feel like sex.
As a guy, I personal find it poor form when some people, automatically jump to the conclusion, when a guy doesn't want "sex" he's getting it elsewhere. Like women, men also have life-stresses, organic problems or any number of reasons why they lose interest in "sex" - it's not a feeling reserved solely for women...
Reiterating, don't try to fix this yourself. Doing so could and possibily will, make this worse. Instead seek professional help.
If he is so adamant about being bored so easily then why isn't he the one making a very large effort to spice things up a bit???
Why isn't he trying different positions, quickies (and lots of them), role playing, fantasizing, mutual masturbation and the like...if he is so hung up on being bored easily?
Hah.
My point here is that this is lip service coming from him and quite possibly an excuse. It's also pinning the rose on you. Gee, if you want sex, then you as his wife better start doing things a lot differently to keep HIM happy!
Counseling immediately.
And a sex therapist, too. Do not delay.
If this is how your H feels, then you and he figure out what is fine for the both of you for sex. (to me, this sounds too businesslike and too mechanical but if talking this out works for you and him great)
The OP has not returned. I wonder what happened?