Trouble in Paradise
ctrenholm
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Dont know what to do
Ok, I'm going to try to sum this up as much as I can. My husband I have been married for a year and a half now. Almost a year into our marriage, I found out that he had cheated on me with another woman. He slept with her twice. He said that was the only time he ever did anything and he would never do it again. I feel like our whole marriage is now based on a lie because he never told me about it before we got married. I feel that is only fair that I should have been told so I could decide if I wanted to work things out and be with him. Now we're married and I feel like we should work things out. It's been about 6 months since I found out about it and things are progressively going down hill. He sleeps on the couch now because he says my snoring is bothering him. We do not have sex at all because I have gained a lot of weight due to PCOS and a thyroid issue. It's partly me that doesn't feel comfortable getting intimate right now but he seems ok with it. And it's not like there aren't other things we could do but he just isnt interested. He is extremely lazy and lies around on the couch all weekend and never helps with any of the housework. He says that he cooks so I should clean. We have talked in the past about having children. We have two cats right now and I know that if you are pregnant you cannot breathe in the fumes from the litter box. He says that I will have to wear a protective mask because he cannot clean the litter box without wanting to puke. Same goes for changing diapers. I would be in charge. Before we got married, he had promised me that he would pursue his GED so he could get a better paying job. I have a college degree and making very good money with a reputable company. He know refuses to pursue his GED because he says he won't be able to pass anyway. I know marriage is not all about money, but there is no way that if something happened to me that he could support me and our future children. My parents both think I need to end this marriage. I do love and care about him though but I dont see that he is willing to change. Plus if he isn't getting sex from me, people have told me he is bound to go elsewhere eventually. I was also told by one of our mutual friends that he has always bummed around. He's never had his own place to live. He just got by living with different friends before me. I know I could go on and on but I dont want to make this too long. Is it worth trying to salvage this marriage? Whenever I ask myself that question I just dont know. I hate the thought of him ending up homeless or something. But then again he seems to have always found his way..
Re: Dont know what to do
Doubtful.
You sound like you were int eh wrong place at the wrong time.
THere's nothing here for you. He's childish and irresponsible and he cannot comprehend what being a husband and partner is about. The affair pales in comparison to these issues -- and wow, I am just flabbergasted at the "oh yucky diapers STINK" aspect of it all: if he can't fathom diaper changing, what's he going to do when your kiddo is sick, is having trouble in school, comes home with a bullying problem, has another note sent home from one of his teachers --- he is daydreaming and won't do the schoolwork, cuts classes and gets in trouble in school, gives your H sass, is a problem in school disciplinewise, keeps on crying that he is afraid of the dark, the kid won't eat at all, keeps using his favorite word: NO!, puts up a fuss because it's time for a visit to the pediatrician, comes home upset because he didn't make the football team, takes a magic marker and colors on all the walls, accidentally or purposely breaks the TV, opens all the cabinets for fun and dumps the pots and pans elsewhere, has a lying problem, uses your H's cologne as a chemistry set, won't go to sleep at all, is crying at all times of the night, he's gotten another bunch of D's on his report card, you don't like his friends once he gets to middle school, won't eat what you give him because it's a kid thing and he's in a phase, etc??? What if your child is termially ill?
What is this prince planning on doing: turning the floor over to you completely and totally, while he sits and refuses to equal parent???
Bullshit.
I guarantee you if he refuses to change a diaper, he isn't going to be a father in any other area of the kiddo's life. For love of mike: get rid of him --- he's a baby himself! Father of a kid??? Nope. Forget it.
What you have there is NOT a man.
I don't know what he is -- but a man he is not.
Without hesitation, tomorrow do the following:
Get an appointment with your endo; get your levels checked. Stress can do horrible things to them if you've got a thyroid issue (have been there too)
See an attorney and discuss with him all vital issues
Safeguard your assets and money and bank accourts
Get your financial ducks in a row
And when all of this is ready to go, FILE.
Change the locks and tell this bum it's over. There is nothing for you to love and nothing for you here.