Unwanted House Guest needs to go!

prettyprpro

Hello everyone. I have been married to my husband for almost 3 years. He has this college friend that is very needy (for a guy). Everytime my husband's friend is in some type of transition, he always comes to my husband to come rescue him out of his misery. So my husband friend's had to move out of his apartment, because the complex was going to be torn down. Again, my husband comes to his rescue and he's living at our place. The friend said that he was going to be out later that week. Almost a month later, he is still at my house. He is so so nasty. Every 2 hours, he goes to the bathroom, clears this throat, hawks and spits and blows his nose. He claims that he is a good cook, but he really isn't. He almost burned our house down by blowing up an onion! My house smelled so horrible. I asked him myself when was his last day staying at my house. He goes on a tangent about how he is so sorry and how he messed up his money.  Then, he assures me he would be out by Sunday (the day before Memorial Day). I told him that that was his last time staying there because I am getting uncomfortable with him being there. Then, my husband drops a bomb on me last night and tells me he was staying until Friday. I don't believe my husband or his friend. Since he has been here, my husband and I haven't been getting along. I just want my normal life back. I have tried making life harder for both my husband and his friend by going on "strike". I tried the mature thing and spoke to my husband and his friend about my concerns of him living with us. I have tried just ignoring it, but I am at my wits end. Please help!

R.Wilsonny

Sorry to say but you have an H problem. I'm all for helping out friends but it sounds like this one is taking advantage and he needs to go. I would put it to your H like this - either he upsets his friend or he upsets his wife - and if he chooses to upset you, which clearly he has, THAT is a big big problem. The friend needs to go and it's not your problem to help him figure out where. Your H needs to man up and tell his freeloading friend to leave.

doeydo

You and your H need to get on the same page here.  If/once that happens, you can both tell his friend that he has until X date to move out.  If he hasn't found a place to stay by then or comes up with some other excuse, tough shit.

TarponMonoxide

prettyprpro said:

Hello everyone. I have been married to my husband for almost 3 years. He has this college friend that is very needy (for a guy).

This is already bad news. This sounds like a daycare client, not a friendship.

Everytime my husband's friend is in some type of transition, he always comes to my husband to come rescue him out of his misery. So my husband friend's had to move out of his apartment, because the complex was going to be torn down. Again, my husband comes to his rescue and he's living at our place.

Really?

"Has had to" WHAT???

What happened to you and he discussing whether or not Friend can live there -- what about BOTH of you deciding jointly whether it is yes or no???

This is already bad news.

You permitted your H to make the decision FOR YOU. You didn't say a word; you let this happen.

You have an H problem, not a Friend problem.

I would tell him "Either yoru friend goes or you do" and let him chose. And if he picks the friend, both he and this guy can hit the road.


The friend said that he was going to be out later that week. Almost a month later, he is still at my house. He is so so nasty. Every 2 hours, he goes to the bathroom, clears this throat, hawks and spits and blows his nose. He claims that he is a good cook, but he really isn't. He almost burned our house down by blowing up an onion! My house smelled so horrible. I asked him myself when was his last day staying at my house. He goes on a tangent about how he is so sorry and how he messed up his money.  Then, he assures me he would be out by Sunday (the day before Memorial Day). I told him that that was his last time staying there because I am getting uncomfortable with him being there. Then, my husband drops a bomb on me last night and tells me he was staying until Friday. I don't believe my husband or his friend. Since he has been here, my husband and I haven't been getting along. I just want my normal life back. I have tried making life harder for both my husband and his friend by going on "strike". I tried the mature thing and spoke to my husband and his friend about my concerns of him living with us. I have tried just ignoring it, but I am at my wits end. Please help!

Do as I said:

"Either your friend goes or YOU do, H." Make your choice.

What you have here is much greater than a friend living in your place, courtesy of the fact yo have no spine.

Here is why:

Your H isn't mature enough to make decisions with you. He also has zero character and zero respect for you. Simply because he doesn't give a damn what you think or what your input is going to be.

Your H also doesn't care to be a team with you.

And this is also controlling of your H and manipulative, too.

Is this what you want to live with for the next 50 years or so: a guy who doesn't work with you, but does what he pleases thanks to his lack of character and respect?

Think about it.

There is also a YOU problem: stand up for yourself and your rights and say what you feel! Don't let anybody --- including your wimp H --- stonewall you or silence you when it's time for you to speak up and say no to something.  Get a therapist to work on this with you.