Paying Surrogates - Discuss

BackseatDriver

Sorry for errors. I can't correct on mobile.

inyouruterus

Who would be taking advantage of whom then?

LuckyAngel07

Women are paid for being egg donors.

Men are compensated for being sperm donors (albeit way less, since what they have to go through to be a sperm donor is practically nil).

Hence, surrogates should be compensated for their role. Especially those who work through an agency to be matched up at random with a family seeking surrogate assistance. Sure, they know what they're about to put themselves through (or will know, once all has been outlined), but that doesn't mean volunteering to carry someone else's child should preclude you being compensated for the physical toll and time spent.

However, if I volunteered my body to carry a dear friend's/family member's baby for them, I would turn down whatever monetary compensation they were required to pay me (sign whatever legal document I had to to waive the compensation). That being said, if after all was said and done they wanted to get me a really freaking awesome gift, I wouldn't say no.

BackseatDriver

The surrogate would be the person potentially taking on risks against their better judgement for no other reason than financial gain. I'm not saying that the person who needs a surrogate is taking advantage because I feel like that almost implies malice, but I do think surrogacy should be primarily altruistic.

BruinsBabe33

@CeciliaM21‌ I do love your bunny.

inyouruterus

idk, backseat. I think women have an ok time deciding what's worth the money and what isnt.

BackseatDriver

I just don't believe it should be primarily about the money. We will have to agree to disagree about that.

RockABye

I think they should be compensated, even if only voluntarily. For example, if my sister or someone offered to be a surrogate, I know she's refuse an official payment, but I would definitely do something for her and I know she's appreciate it. I don't necessarily think compensation should be required (who and how is the payment scale decided? If it's too high, it may push the option out for couples who are already at their max financially) but I do think SOMETHING above and beyond should be done for the surrogate, even if only on a personal level. Making payment illegal is sucky.

And in regards to the "they know what they're getting into" argument, sure... they know. And our military peeps, police officers, miners, chemical engineers etc know the risks of what they're getting into when they enlist/apply and I think we all agree they should be paid. Different situation, but same logic. Kinda. Not really. But kinda. Maybe. Lol

nightmare_of_beauty

Ok, my opinion on this topic: Compensation, but I think it should be between the parents and the surrogate. 

May I ask a question? I understand not everyone agrees, but why "attack" them? We all said we wanted discussion, we didn't have to agree. I'm not saying sunshine and puppy farts, but can't someone express their opinion and others say "I don't agree" and leave it at that? 

Sewilson33

nightmare_of_beauty said:

May I ask a question? I understand not everyone agrees, but why "attack" them? We all said we wanted discussion, we didn't have to agree. I'm not saying sunshine and puppy farts, but can't someone express their opinion and others say "I don't agree" and leave it at that? 

=D>

inyouruterus

Why is it not ok to say that you think someone has a terrible opinion? Are you aware the real world operates this way?

nightmare_of_beauty

Can an opinion really be terrible? It's an opinion, you're free to have your own. I disagree with people in the real world all the time. I don't tell them their opinion is terrible, I just agree to disagree. 

caseyandlizzie

Are we going to debate fact vs opinion again?

nfp147

caseyandlizzie said:

Are we going to debate fact vs opinion again?

My opinions are facts.

NotMrsSmith11

caseyandlizzie said:

Are we going to debate fact vs opinion again?

It is a fact that it is my opinion that that debate is so not worth having.

inyouruterus

Um...yes. An opinion can be terrible. That's an opinion. See? Full-circle. Opinions can particularly be terrible when they are formed without proper knowledge. People need not be so afraid of discussion and confrontation.

nightmare_of_beauty

My opinion is that discussion and confrontation are two different things. 

I can agree to disagree though and not make this into a debate. 

inyouruterus

LOL , NOB. Nicely played.

MRads

RockABye said:

I think they should be compensated, even if only voluntarily. For example, if my sister or someone offered to be a surrogate, I know she's refuse an official payment, but I would definitely do something for her and I know she's appreciate it. I don't necessarily think compensation should be required (who and how is the payment scale decided? If it's too high, it may push the option out for couples who are already at their max financially) but I do think SOMETHING above and beyond should be done for the surrogate, even if only on a personal level. Making payment illegal is sucky.

And in regards to the "they know what they're getting into" argument, sure... they know. And our military peeps, police officers, miners, chemical engineers etc know the risks of what they're getting into when they enlist/apply and I think we all agree they should be paid. Different situation, but same logic. Kinda. Not really. But kinda. Maybe. Lol

I think surrogates should get paid, and I think they are doing an absolutely selfless thing. But I can see how using money as a motivator could be bad.

Using the logic of the military, they are often called out for targeting people from lower ses with the promise of college and money, without telling the whole story of service members with PTSD. Free college and money, sounds great, right?

I'm not saying that being a surrogate is like being in war, but I can't imagine the emotional trauma that could come from being a surrogate, if you do not have the proper counseling ahead of time to understand what it would mean to carry a child for nine months then give the baby up. I could see people seeing the money and not thinking of how that might have an impact on them.

Like I said, I think they should be compensated, but I think it is an interesting discussion to consider.

inyouruterus

I think we have to give more credit to people than some are. People from LES are capable of making decisions smartly, no matter how much money is in play. Being poor doesn't mean you can't make the right decision for you. Again, counseling is available and required by most surrogacy agencies. Every one that we've looked at, but I understand there are exceptions. The mental health aspect in this process isn't handled lightly.

MRads

inyouruterus said:

I think we have to give more credit to people than some are. People from LES are capable of making decisions smartly, no matter how much money is in play. Being poor doesn't mean you can't make the right decision for you. Again, counseling is available and required by most surrogacy agencies. Every one that we've looked at, but I understand there are exceptions. The mental health aspect in this process isn't handled lightly.

That's good to know. Admittedly, I don't know much about surrogacy, so my concern would just be exploitation. But I would hope that most reputable surrogacy agencies would care for the woman's mental health, just as much as physical.

My friend used to work for an adoption agency and often spoke about the lack of resources for birth mothers. Not that surrogacy and birth mothers are the same thing, but I would imagine both have an emotional impact.

BackseatDriver

It isn't just people of low SES but anyone in a desperate financial situation. And you are talking about surrogacy as it is now, but how could that change with potentially unlimited financial incentives?

inyouruterus

Backseat- I don't understand your point? Where at all in the OP link does it state compensation beyond reason? These payments are legal agreements between individuals and agencies to compensate women for their time, healthcare costs and efforts during pregnancy, child birth and after.

I feel like you're reaching. These incentives exist now in the U.S. and women make appropriate decisions for themselves and their health.

BackseatDriver

Because I stated originally that there should be compensation, but that there should be a limit to how much a person can be compensated and you seemed to disagree with that.

inyouruterus

I disagreed with your reasoning for a limit.

BruinsBabe33

If I were a surrogate, I wouldn't want the government to mandate and agreement between myself and the couple. I think when you make a decision like this you know what's expected of you. There are people who I would consider doing this for, but I would not expect any monetary compensation aside from potential health costs that wouldn't be covered. I feel like being a surrogate is a very personal decision. Would I be a surrogate for someone I didn't know? Probably not, but there are agencies who do that and pay quite well for it.

What it comes down to is a woman is sacrificing her body to have your child. What is that worth to you? I'm in the camp of each situation is different so there shouldn't be one set of rules for it.

BruinsBabe33

Also, yes mental health mental health mental health.

ILoveRedVino

I had to jump in here.

We are currently in the process of creating embryos and having them tested. If they come back normal, which they probably will because H and I have just had our chromosomes and genes tested, it will mean that my uterus likes to kill embryos and fetuses and placentas. Our option will be surrogacy.

In my state, it is illegal to pay a surrogate. We are lucky enough to have a very close friend who we trust and love, and she has volunteered to do that.

We will follow the law and not cut her a check. But we will send her, her H, and her kids on an effing amazing family vacation after the fact.

Of course they should be compensated.

BruinsBabe33

@ILoveRedVino‌ I wasn't aware you were doing this! I wish you so so much love!

ILoveRedVino

^ I took my first pill about 20 minutes ago. This is a looooong process.