October 2012 Weddings
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separaion update *long*

I thought I would give you guys a quick update on my situation with my husband.

We were not supposed to talk about things until Sunday but because of varying circumstances we ended up talking yesterday. We went to lunch, just the two of us, for the first time since our daughter was born so we would be in a neutral environment.

We discussed both of our points of view in the situation and what we both felt needed to be changed. We also discussed what he was going to do about his temper and he says he is going to get professional help.

DH stayed at his parents place over the last few days and I was afraid that this situation would really affect my relationship with them negatively as I thought they would be upset with me kicking their son out of the house. I was very wrong!

DHs parents reamed him out for the way he has been treating us and his mom even went as far as to say that it is a form or abuse, to which I have to agree, and I think that really struck a cord with him.

At this point only time will tell if he is really going to work on himself and do all that he has said he will do but we both know that this is going to be a long healing process and that if changes are going to be made, that it won't be overnight.

At the moment we have agreed that he can come home but that he is to sleep in the basement until I feel ready to invite him back into our room. I've also asked him for physical space and explained to him that in not wanting to kiss and middle right now isn't out of hate or anger but rather a way to ensure that I have a clear mind and that I know that I am thinking with my head more so than my heart.

I do still have hope for us but the ball is in his court now.

Thank you all for being a listening ear and for being so supportive!

Re: separaion update *long*

  • I hope that he goes through with it.  Sounds like things are taking a turn for the positive.  Please continue to keep us posted, you and your family are in my T&P.
  • So glad you have support from MIL!  Just hearing things from a different point of view can be so helpful, so I'm glad she did that.

    Keep on keepin' on, you're doing a great job :)
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  • Sometimes people need to hear from an outsider for it to sink in. I know H did when we hit a rough patch and saw a counselor. I hope it sinks in deep enough for chance.

    I think you are smart guarding your heart and waiting to see change.

    You guys are still in my T&Ps!
    Eliza Mae - September 16th, 2014

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  • I'm keeping you in my T&Ps and I hope things just get better from here on out.  I'm really happy to hear that you are getting some support from your ILs and hopefully that made him see things a little clearer.
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  • I hope the changes work and bring your both to a happier place.
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    TTC 24 months, IUI #3 BFP 6/4/14 Beta 6/5 58, 6/9 508, 6/11 1227 TWINS! EDD 2/15/15
    With heavy hearts, we said goodbye to our precious angels on 8/12 at 13 weeks 2 days.
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    BFP! Betas: 12/12 225, 12/15 706, 12/17 1512. EDD 8.21.15
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  • I am going to keep sending you positive thoughts and good energy! I'm glad to hear that he's said he'll get professional help with his temper since before you said he was refusing. It's a step in the right direction!! You're right that it won't change overnight, but it seems like there are baby steps, and right now that's wonderful. <3<3 Keep us updated!!
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  • Thanks for the update !! Glad to her MIL is on your side! Keeping my fingers crossed things keep moving in a positive direction!
  • I am happy to hear things have taken a positive turn.  I think it's a good idea to sleep separately and not kiss/hug.  I think it will keep both of you focused on improving your relationship.  I hope your H follows through on getting help.  I am very happy that his parents told him he needs to change.
  • Happy to hear things are on the upswing. I will continue to keep you and your family in my T&P.

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