How to curb the tattling?

lala5507

It's going to be a loooooong summer.  She looked at me, she touched me, mama, she's on my side of the couch......How do I teach my kids that they should tell me anything (no secrets from mom and dad) but I don't want them to tell me every little problem they have with each other?  I feel like I am sending a mixed message.   When I say they should tell us anything I mean if someone hurt them, touched them, whatever. Clearly I'm talking about something other than you sister putting her toe on you.  But to a 3 or 5 year old everything is a major problem. 

MrsAmers

A few things that we try to do:

1 – There is a general keep your body parts to yourself rule. If someone doesn’t want to be touched, then you don’t have the right to touch them. Period.
2 – When the kids are bickering and bring the issue to me, the first thing I ask is “Did you TELL THEM that you don’t want to be touched/want a turn on the iPad/would like a turn with that toy/do not want to play that game right now?” The first goal is to get them to communicate with each other because sometimes they don’t think to tell the other person the issue.
3 – The next response is “You two need to try to work it out.” If they can’t sort it out in 5-10 minutes or without one of them crying, then I get involved.

You are right. It is a tricky balance between caring about their thoughts, issues and problems, while at the same time fostering independence and getting them to leave you alone for a few minutes. :-)

egpitt22

I generally start off with Amy's #2 point.  Half the time, they didn't even say anything to the other person, they just immediately start to whine. 

Meghan&Rich

Ditto Amy & Emmy!

lala5507

MrsAmers said:

A few things that we try to do: 1 – There is a general keep your body parts to yourself rule. If someone doesn’t want to be touched, then you don’t have the right to touch them. Period. 2 – When the kids are bickering and bring the issue to me, the first thing I ask is “Did you TELL THEM that you don’t want to be touched/want a turn on the iPad/would like a turn with that toy/do not want to play that game right now?” The first goal is to get them to communicate with each other because sometimes they don’t think to tell the other person the issue. 3 – The next response is “You two need to try to work it out.” If they can’t sort it out in 5-10 minutes or without one of them crying, then I get involved. You are right. It is a tricky balance between caring about their thoughts, issues and problems, while at the same time fostering independence and getting them to leave you alone for a few minutes. :-)

Thanks for the great advice.  I have try to do all the things you listed, but I haven't been very consistent with it.  Some times it's just easier to end it.  Hopefully if stay more consistent with having them try to work it out before coming to me, it will eventually sink in. 

My oldest can go from calm to crazy crying fool in 3 seconds flat and my youngest knows all the right buttons to push to make that happen.   8-}

MrsAmers

I swear, I can't tell with Todd if his mood swings are because of tiredness, hunger, being emotional about starting K or just being 5. Last evening, his behavior was AWFUL for nearly two hours. Refusing to leave camp, whining, crying when he didn't get his way, fighting to get out of the car seat, hanging onto my legs, more crying, etc, etc.

And then, halfway through dinner his was practically an angel the rest if the night. I was patient and kind the whole time. Very proud of myself for managing not to yell. But no amount of kindness or consistency could get him to SNAP OUT OF IT, STOP CRYING AND LISTEN.

:-)
Good luck!

This rant brought to you by the third solo parenting week in less than two months.

lala5507

MrsAmers said:

 This rant brought to you by the third solo parenting week in less than two months.

Yikes!  Hang in there!