Talk to me about adoption

MH1006

I know a few people on here are pursuing this. How did you get started? Where did you go for information? Do you plan to adopt an infant, older child, foster to adopt, etc and why? Domestic or international? Where are you at in the process?

All of the information out there is overwhelming.

poppies717

MH1006 said:

Considering adoption, MH?

How did you get started?
We went to B&N to buy an adoption book. There was one. Yikes. Then we searched the internet.

Where did you go for information?
The internet has been the best source of info. We were able to email some agencies and get info packets. From those, we narrowed down to 2 agencies. One is licensed in our state for home study, but the wait is long. The other is a national agency that isn't licensed for home study in our state but has a short wait time. We will use the first for home study and the second for placement (apparently more common than I thought).

Do you plan to adopt an infant, older child, foster to adopt, etc and why?
Domestic or international?
We are pursuing domestic infant adoption. After trying to start our family for two years, various medical treatments, and a loss, we are closing the chapter on biological children, but we still want to parent from birth. We have been robbed of the pregnancy, so we are excited that someone will give us the opportunity to experience everything else.

Where are you at in the process?
We have completed half if the home study paperwork (still have background checks and my medical form) and have our first meeting with our social worker on Tuesday evening.

All of the information out there is overwhelming.
It is, but we have separated it into two steps: home study and placement. I would recommend it even if you're using one agency.

BruinsBabe33

I don't know where you are located or if you would consider adopting an older child or sibling set, but I know here there are companies who work with adoption agencies and the state to get information out about adoption and the adoption process. Perhaps you could look in to see if there is anything like that where you are?

ETA: I know a few other ladies have gone to adoption seminars when they were still at the beginning stages that made it less overwhelming because there is so much information on the web about it. I think it helped them start narrowing down what options work best for them.

ILoveRedVino

We went back and forth and explored different options after our last IVF failed. It was overwhelming to say the least, and I felt very discouraged. We decided to do IVF again. If it fails, and surrogacy fails (if we have frozen embies), we would move forward with adoption through our state- most likely a toddler/preschool age sibling set.

We took domestic infant off the table due to our state laws. I had bought some books on Amazon- and I'm happy to send them to you if you want. Like Poppies said, B&N had nothing. It made me feel like complete shit.

I'd totally do international if it wasn't crazy expensive. $50k and all the travel just isn't an option for us.

MH1006

Thanks for the responses. I think I've ruled international adoption out due to cost/divorced status. I guess I'm just a little confused as to how to narrow the rest down. I feel (and I could be totally wrong) that as a nurse I might be expected to take on a medically fragile child and I don't really know how I would reject one type over another type. I'm also assuming it's harder as a single parent.

I guess there are just so many options and so much money involved, it's a little scary to pick an avenue. I'll look into seminars, as the internet is more stressful than helpful at the moment.

BruinsBabe33

I don't think any specific career would make an agency expect you to take on something you weren't willing to handle. I have had several friends go through the process and the paperwork asks about several situations that you would be willing to accept or not willing.

Also, one of my friends is a single parent and went through the adoption process quicker than other couples I know. I don't know if that had to do with her adopting an older child (4) or not, though. I never thought to ask. If you want me to ask her for you I can.

fajita814

We are currently fostering to adopt. I was previously a foster care caseworker, so I was pretty familiar with how it goes. We ruled out infant adoption due to the costs. We got started by called our state CPS to get a list of local agencies that do foster to adopt (in our state the state handles almost nothing, they are all sent out to private agencies on a rotating basis).

We currently have 2 unrelated children that we are fostering to adopt. We had one other child, but the court returned her to her dad. It has been a rough road, but one we are willing to keep going down.

As to the medically fragical children ...DH is a nurse and when I was first talking to the agency, they said "oh, that's great! Are you willing to take children with medical issues?" I simply and firmly told them that we were not interested in that. They never brought it up again.

Good luck & feel free to contact me if you decide to foster to adopt & have any questions!

candj428

We are foster parents.  It is a long process.  We had physicals, home visits, and a lot of paperwork. We had social workers in our home, checking out our house, probing into our lives.  I completely understand why they have to check everything out, but it is a long process.

We got our first placement about 5 months after getting licensed.  We initially said that we would like a placement of an infant up to 18 months.  Our placement was 3 years old.  We now have had placement for over a year.  We never thought that our first placement would turn into adopting, but it has.  We are about 2-4 months away from the adoption.  

We have also turned down 2 placements---one sibling group, and one high medical needs.  The sibling group we decided to turn down because one of the siblings was older than our current placement.  We didn't think it would be fair to bring in an older child, and then the current placement would lose status as the oldest child.  The social worker also agreed with us on that point.  The medical needs placement would have required many dr. visits and as working parents, it would have been hard for us to maintain all of those appointments.  

Foster to adopt is not an easy road to ride along.  But I will say the reward is one of the most amazing things in the world  You may only be a part of their lives for a week or month, but what you do with that time can change their lives forever!!!

MH1006

Thanks everyone. All of this was helpful.