Trouble in Paradise
Knottie90760296
member
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Facebook- what would you do?
Ok, so my husband hasn't cheated and I don't think he ever would, but he's done
something that is very disturbing to me and I don't know what to do. One
of my best friends is a fitness competitor (bikini) and she is
constantly blowing up facebook with half naked pics of herself. We've
been friends for years and are very close and made plans to go out to
lunch this weekend. I noticed my husband has been talking about her
quite a bit (are you guys still meeting for lunch this weekend? oh is
she stopping by the house? kind of stuff). There's actually been a couple of times where he brought her up and I changed the subject because it made me uncomfortable, like why the sudden interest in my friend? So I decided to check his
facebook history cause I had this weird gut feeling. Come to find out
he's been searching three girls pretty much daily for months- one of
them being my friend. So obviously he is looking at her facebook and
checking out the pics of her a**, etc. that she posts on there all the
time. I feel like throwing up. Now I know why he's been talking about
her so much. This feels worse than him looking at porn because she is my
friend. This isn't some random chick that he doesn't know and has no way of ever seeing, this is my friend! She went to our wedding. This is painful because while it is
not cheating, to know that he's sitting there oogling one of my closest
friends makes me physically ill. I don't even want to know what he's
doing while looking at her pics. I should note she NEVER posts statuses
or discussions, it's nothing but pics of her doing sexy poses in a
bikini. So he can't be looking at it for "reading material." I don't
know if I should confront him and be like WTF or ignore it or what. The
other two girls he searches aren't friends with him on facebook and I
have no idea who they are, but I think he may have dated them in the
past. The frequency that he searches them and the length of time is
super disturbing to me (every day and I looked at the history for three
months before I couldn't take anymore and logged out). He has also searched ex girlfriends although not as frequently. My friend seems to be his "favorite." What would you
guys do?
Re: Facebook- what would you do?
How old is she? How old is your husband?
I also noticed that he has been searching the photographer pages that take her pics and a fitness page she belongs to- so he is really going out of his way to basically internet creep on her. I'm really heartbroken about this. This makes me feel very inadequate and self-conscious now. Not to mention this has probably forever changed my relationship with my friend. I am so mad at him.
I would definitely talk to your H and tell him that this is bothering you. But do it calmly and try not to be accusatory or blaming because that will probably just make him feel threatened and defensive.
I don't know if you can tell him to stop.
If it turns out that he is inappropriately contacting her, another story.
As it stands right now, none of this looks great -- what is he, fixated on her?
Keep alert and monitor this behavior. And if you see anything fishy, you know what to do. GL.
He said he didn't think about how hurtful it could be to me and he kept saying he didn't cheat. I explained to him that there are other behaviors that are hurtful and deceitful and that this was highly inappropriate and he agreed. He definitely has OCD behaviors. He's very big on routine and it is difficult to get him to break those routines. I do think he has poor boundaries as we have had an issue with facebook in the past. We have both agreed to be done with facebook and deactivated our accounts in front of each other. I checked his phone records, email account, and he let me check his tablet and there was nothing suspect.
We haven't been communicating very well and I've been blocking him out. I think I've been having issues with depression - I've never been diagnosed but something is off. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist on Monday so I'm hoping she can help me get to the bottom of what's going on inside my head. I'm hoping that this happening was actually for the better as it helps bring to the light some of the issues we have been having so we can work on them and move forward. Thank you all for the advice, it was very helpful in keeping my emotions in check when talking to him about this.