Bad Fight while Driving- Would you have gotten mad?

dani211

Hi Everyone,

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now, and we live together, and he is basically a father to my daughter (he's been in her life since she was 1). Most of the time, we are all very happy together. However, when we get into fights, it gets really bad. For example, today we all went to a restaurant/bar and watched the soccer game together. During the game, my boyfriend asked me to drive us home since he was drinking. I said sure. Well, we get in the car, and we approach a busy intersection where the police are waving everyone to turn right (even though you can normally go either way). My boyfriend starts blaring party music and rolling down the windows. I turned down the music and was like, "Wait, can you just wait till we get past this intersection because it's confusing and I can't concentrate." So he turns the music back up and starts complaining that he shouldn't have let me drive, and I'm being ridiculous, and that I should just turn left, even though the POLICE are waiving me to go right. He wants me to ignore the police officer. So I turn right, and I get annoyed, and I'm like, "Sure, it's easy for you to act like a cowboy and tell me to blow off the police when you're a passenger, but I'm the one driving, so just leave me alone!" So he's like, "This is ridiculous. I should never have let you drive." And then we stop at a red light, and he gets OUT of the car, and comes around to my side so he can drive. He's like, "Move over." But I refuse to get out of the drivers seat, so he goes back around and sits in his side. THEN the car in front of us starts going slow, and he reaches across me and starts beeping the horn! So then I just lose it. I start yelling and saying some very regrettable things. We finally made it home safely, and he just went to sleep. I honestly feel awful for the things I said, and I think I really caused the situation to escalate the way it did. At the time, I just felt so freaked out by his behavior. But then, I am an anxious driver. Would you have felt freaked out as well? 

dani211

ps- I can't figure out how to edit posts, so I just want to add an update: I just talked to my boyfriend after he woke up, and we realized he'd been drinking sangria during the game. About one year ago, he completely stopped drinking hard alcohol because he realized he was having a bad reaction to it. It doesn't happen to him with beer at all, but hard alcohol does something weird with his brain chemistry where he acts like a totally different person. It's freaky to witness. It's almost like sleep-walking/being trapped in a night terror. He and I used to get into these really bizarre, awful fights, and he would say stuff that doesn't even sound like him. When I'd tell him about the next day, he'd be like, "What?? There's no way I would have said that." Thankfully, fairly quickly, we realized that hard alcohol was the cause, and he totally stopped drinking it. But I guess the sangria had that same effect. Anyway, if I'd realized he was in that "mode" I wouldn't have reacted so strongly to his behavior and would have just laid low. He just makes no sense at all when he's like that.

VOR

While I would have been annoyed, a huge life lesson -NEVER try to argue w/ a drunk person.  Never.  It's pointless.

TarponMonoxide

dani211 said:

Hi Everyone,

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now, and we live together, and he is basically a father to my daughter (he's been in her life since she was 1).


You moved way way too quickly on this but nothing you can do about it now.

Most of the time, we are all very happy together. However, when we get into fights, it gets really bad. For example, today we all went to a restaurant/bar and watched the soccer game together. During the game, my boyfriend asked me to drive us home since he was drinking. I said sure. Well, we get in the car, and we approach a busy intersection where the police are waving everyone to turn right (even though you can normally go either way). My boyfriend starts blaring party music and rolling down the windows.

How the heck old IS this guy???

I am surprised a cop didn't nab him! This might indeed be impeding justice and disturbing the peace and it might also be considered being a disorderly person as well.

This is immature of him and he needs some kind of anger control management counseling. Treat him with kid gloves.

I turned down the music and was like, "Wait, can you just wait till we get past this intersection because it's confusing and I can't concentrate." So he turns the music back up and starts complaining that he shouldn't have let me drive, and I'm being ridiculous, and that I should just turn left, even though the POLICE are waiving me to go right. He wants me to ignore the police officer. So I turn right, and I get annoyed, and I'm like, "Sure, it's easy for you to act like a cowboy and tell me to blow off the police when you're a passenger, but I'm the one driving, so just leave me alone!" So he's like, "This is ridiculous. I should never have let you drive." And then we stop at a red light, and he gets OUT of the car, and comes around to my side so he can drive. He's like, "Move over." But I refuse to get out of the drivers seat, so he goes back around and sits in his side. THEN the car in front of us starts going slow, and he reaches across me and starts beeping the horn! So then I just lose it. I start yelling and saying some very regrettable things. We finally made it home safely, and he just went to sleep. I honestly feel awful for the things I said, and I think I really caused the situation to escalate the way it did. At the time, I just felt so freaked out by his behavior. But then, I am an anxious driver. Would you have felt freaked out as well?

I would give serious consideration to saying goodbye to him for good: He's immature and he cannot handle anger or situations where there is some type of stress.

Don't consider him for the long run, or any other kind of run.

Find a boyfriend who is a grown man, not a baby. GL.

TarponMonoxide

s- I can't figure out how to edit posts, so I just want to add an update: I just talked to my boyfriend after he woke up, and we realized he'd been drinking sangria during the game. About one year ago, he completely stopped drinking hard alcohol because he realized he was having a bad reaction to it. It doesn't happen to him with beer at all, but hard alcohol does something weird with his brain chemistry where he acts like a totally different person. It's freaky to witness.

Leave this guy because he also has a drinking problem!

He needs AA and a sponsor.

Why in heck do you want a boyfriend who has a problem with booze, in addition to anger problems and a problem handling pressure???


It's almost like sleep-walking/being trapped in a night terror. He and I used to get into these really bizarre, awful fights, and he would say stuff that doesn't even sound like him. When I'd tell him about the next day, he'd be like, "What?? There's no way I would have said that."

Either he is bluffing or he is having drinking blackouts. Neither one is acceptable. Get rid of him.

Thankfully, fairly quickly, we realized that hard alcohol was the cause, and he totally stopped drinking it. But I guess the sangria had that same effect. Anyway, if I'd realized he was in that "mode" I wouldn't have reacted so strongly to his behavior and would have just laid low. He just makes no sense at all when he's like that.

HE makes no sense.

You need him like a hole in the head. Give him the boot. He's got a ton of problems.

crystaldbl

A person who behaves this way when drinking is called an alcoholic. He should stop drinking anything. These drunk incidents will only get worse. I think you did the right thing by not letting him drive & I would have been mad as well. Both of you should look into getting him some help regarding his drinking habits.

TarponMonoxide

crystaldbl said:

A person who behaves this way when drinking is called an alcoholic. He should stop drinking anything. These drunk incidents will only get worse. I think you did the right thing by not letting him drive & I would have been mad as well. Both of you should look into getting him some help regarding his drinking habits.

And if he "gives up" booze MINUS the benefit of Alcoholics Anonymous and/or a drug and alcohol counselor, he is what AA calls a dry drunk.

That is somebody who is not in active recovery. So he is still a boozehound even IF he "goes on the wagon" by himself.

@crystaldbl is on the right track when she said the drinking will get worse but not when she said "both of you should look into getting him some help." Nope: he's got to do it FOR HIMSELF, not for anybody else. Otherwise the whole thing is for naught.

You are only dating this guy. Leaving him should be a snap; there is nothing legal and binding here.

A drunk and an immature 6 year old where you'll wind up walking on eggs around him is NOT for you.  Leave him posthaste. There is no future with him.

magsugar13

Your BF is an alcoholic.

This is the man who is a "father figure" to your child.

Is this what you want your child growing up seeing? (please dont tell me it never happens in front of her}

He needs to go into treatment and you need to go to alanon. Your child should be your first priority and right now this is not a healthy or safe enviroment for her.