Trouble in Paradise
buggy0211
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Wasted time?
I'm 23 and was a single mom before I met my husband. My husband and I got married in August of 2013. Before we got married we moved out of my long term rental to help his grandmother out with her house. 2 weeks after we got married he went out of state for a month for work (completely unexpected). He did come home after his old job offered him a better position working nights. At this time I was working days, him nights. While he was out of state I kind of kept to myself because I was sad hurt and lonely. His family didn't care for that very much and started running their mouths and spreading rumors. After his return and the blow out with my inlaws we moved back into my old rental which we decided to buy. I tried to patch things up with his family as much as possible and everything was going good. Around January we got into a petty argument. He had bought me a vehicle for my bday and had since put it on a website and wanted to trade it for a dirtbike. Obviously I was irate and made a big deal out of it. He then started to come home later than normal (around 5am when he gets out at 12:30am). A week later he told me he was moving out and wanted a divorce. I became very emotional and pushed him for an answer and he punched a hole in our bathroom wall (a side of him I've never seen before). He came and moved his stuff out with no reason. I tried reaching out to him multiple times to talk and he wouldn't even respond. What bothered me the most is my son was involved and now hurting Bc that was his "dad". Before we got married I had wrecked my vehicle and he was letting me use his. When he left he took that vehicle. He canceled my sons and i's health insurance. Stopped fuel delivery for my heat and left me working a part time job supporting my sister and my son. It was very hard to make ends meet but I was able to keep our heads above water. Thank goodness tax time was right around the corner. I didn't leave my house for 2 months straight except for work and never went Into the small town where everyone knows everyone and everything. I still received nonsense on FB from his family. I even deleted them and any acquaintances of his. I bought myself a vehicle and paid off my bills for a while and went to florida for a couple weeks. By this time it has been almost four months he has been gone without any contact. My son even tried calling him and leaving voicemails. I then decided it was time to move on and had a great time on vacation in Florida. I was wen talking to a great guy from my hometown. Before I came home from vacation I received a call that I was being served. I never thought the day would come...I came home and dealt with that right away. Received my divorce papers and called the lawyer like I was instructed. A few weeks later my soon to be ex texted me and asked me for some information. After an all day back and forth text conversation I asked him to meet up. He did and we talked and cried for 7 hours. We decided to try and work things out and he came home. My son was ecstatic but you can tell he had issues with him. I went and talked to his family and tried clearing up the small town rumors. His mother told me to sign the papers and just leave it alone. That she can't believe that what she didn't hear was true and was so rude to me we haven't talked really since. He called his lawyer and cancelled the divorce he spent almost 3000$ on and sold my rings to pay for. He's been back now for almost 4 months and I dk if I'll ever get over the hurt he out me through. Plus I still think about the guy that I was talking to while we were split. Am I crazy for letting him come back? Is it worth trying to work it out? Sorry for the long post just need some outside help. I don't even have the urge to be intimate with him anymore. Any advice would be great. Tia!!
Re: Wasted time?
Anybody with sense would have gotten rid of his ass the second the wall got punched. Gotten the kid, got out and filed and did not look back.
Hey, sorry you H is such a prick.
I am not a big person on divorce, unless two things. Cheating and abuse. So I think for now anyways. I grew up marriage being a sacred thing and thru better or worse.
I want to know, where was he this whole time? He just comes back and wants everything to be back to normal? I wouldn't be able to get over this too quickly, if at all... Its up to how you feel and what your heart and head are telling you. If you do decide to try this out and make it work, I would say go to marriage counseling ASAP. He needs it you need it. If it can help go for it. Honestly though, he was very cruel and cold with him just abandoning you and your son. Taking away your insurance, even though you are still married? WTF?
I don't really know what to tell you except sit back, take some time and think long and hard about this whole thing. You are still young and do not deserve this kind of anyone in your life. Not worth it to me. It would take a lot of thinking to figure out what you think is right for YOU and your SON.
Do you have anyone close to you can talk with? Some one you trust and who would be straight up honest to help you understand ? GL... xo
I vote that this whole thing is MUD. Nobody in their right mind would want this pig at all.
Can't you see the OP is nuts? Just lets it go and doesn't find a legal way to pursue the health insurance being cut off?
As I said, this is fishy --- no employer is permitted to do that! Until it is clear that you are no longer his spouse --- he would have to produce divorce papers to give to managment and in turn, they would give that to he provider -- they cannot cut you off for health insurance -- and if HE paid for it, he cannot do that UNTIL he proves the woman is no longer his spouse.
To the OP:
Get your ass to a therapist. NOW.
Your choice making apparatus SUCKS --- you have no common sense! You are not capable of choosing the right kind of a guy to be a friend iwth, let alone choose a good and sensible and dependable mate -- and that bullshit with "moving on"? Bahhahaha --- are you KIDDING??? Really and truly, it's time to get out there and date??? NO it is NOT.
You are also very immature. I wonder whre the father of your son is -- his biological father --- I'll bet he is as big a pig and prick as your H is.
Annull this marriage in a court of law and then don't date until you are about 30 years of age. Therapy and stat. You've fucked things up pretty badly --- inasmuch because you did not boot him when he punched the wall --- and that you effed this up badly and that is POISON to your son!
You positively cannot keep him in this disgusting envoronment. Do you want your son hit next??? Do you want your son to grow up knowing that men treat Mommy like a doormat and a piece of dirt??? It is essential you get rid of this pig NOW.
Ya, I didn't really know the law about that. Unsure about different state laws and such.
This whole thing doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me, but some people will take them back. Sad but true...
And even if it was not a law at all:
What kind of a MAN would do that to his wife and what pretty much is a child under his care and under his protection??????
Poor character, cruelty, immaturity -- let this pig GO!
He not only played you but he called your bluff and you fell for it hook line and sinker.
Expect much worse from this son of a bitch in the future.
Lol, gotcha. I pay attention to some. Ha ha
This MAN is far from a MAN. He is a selfish cold hearted prick. Ya, lets turn my back on my WIFE and CHILD. Real manly. Horrible, and sad if this is
If you do decide to stay with him what's to say he won't punish you by leaving (and cheating??) the next time you dare to question one of his tyrannical decisions?
You can't make good decisions.
Get rid of him and get to a therapist. You have to stop the pattern and yes, you need to grow up.
You and your kiddo come first. And stay safe.
I am guessing he is still in your home. Tomorrow when he is gone to work, clear out of there. And FILE for an annullment.
I cannot get over the fact that when he discontinued health insurance for you and your son off that you just let it go! How in heck can you NOT react vehemently to that??? Suppose something happened to you and/or him and it was something so major that you'd have to pull teeth to get charity care to cover the total cost of it??
And even if nothing happened to either one of you: as I have said: it is principle and it is an indicator of somebody's character, manhood and maturity and wow, common sense. This entire action that he took makes me sick and it should make you sick, too.
You don't feel like getting intimate with him?
That bastard shouldn't be within one hemisphere of you -- and I've got a good quote I got from one of my favorite TV shows and it applies to him in this case:
"If you so much as open your fly to urinate, I will call the police on you."
How in heck can you even LOOK him in the face after all of this??? you took him BACK??? Holy shit -- boy is HE getting some laugh on YOU!
Wake UP, girl -- and do it now. For love of all holy and for the sake of your son, get rid of him tomorrow.
I'm sorry you are going through this. It must be just ripping you apart. The thing that struck me though is the guy you met in Florida. Not that you should go off and marry him, but this is what your early 20's is meant to be for - having fun. Meeting new people. Trying new things and having new experiences. You can do that as a mother as well, certainly. But with the benefit of my age (33) I would tell you to rid yourself completely of your 'husband' right now, for good. You are better than this, you deserve better than this. There are so, so many people out there that would love to be with you and your son. People that you would love to be with too. It's not 'him or no one', even though it may feel like it.
This guy's family sounds like a nightmare you don't need. HE sounds like an unreliable guy that doesn't know what he wants and this is likely to happen again with him.
Chalk it up to a crappy learning experience and move on - you ARE wasting your time here.
Sorry.
Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk
A therapist for you so you can learn to stand up for your rights. Let nobody push you around --- and please document that he sold your rings.
If you get alimony from this guy, I do not know about the child support part. Unless he has adopted your child, I don't believe he is obligated to pay a child support for your kiddo. That's something you need to get from the biological dad. And if you're getting that from that guy, good.
@tofumonkey you could not have said this any better!!!!
OP you are a young woman. Being young can really be a different side to being what, 33? As you get older, these types of experiences you learn from. I was with a guy years back, I thought he was the greatest thing in the world. He made me something I didn't want to be. Separated from my family, he wasn't abusing me per se but in a way, yes he was. He was overly jealous and didn't want me to hang with my friends. He was so something I cannot believe I ever stayed with. I learned, I finally grew up a little during this relationship and I left. We didn't have kids and I am thankful for that one, but I left. My family took me back and was so thankful I left him. They knew he was so wrong for me as my friends did as well.
I really hope you learn from this my dear. Being young is a great thing. We make mistakes, some much bigger than others, and hopefully we learn the lesson there is to be learned. Please go get yourself tested. We cannot say yes he was cheating because we don't really know, but better safe than sorry. I would keep my distance and you can find someone who can help. You just need to look.
You guys were/are married, so this guy is entitled to give you alimony. Take care of yourself and your child. This guy is a boy and hasn't learned the right way to treat a woman. Good luck again and I really hope you step back. Step back and take a long hard look at this and what your life may just be if you, for some reason, stay with this guy... Life is supposed to be mostly happy with people around you who make you feel good, not like shit. You only live once girl, so live it right!!! xo