Married Life
defeateddoris
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Hurt that the inlaws hate me.
in Married Life
I vented on weddingbee about some hurts caused while planning our wedding. 2 years later and a family member was having issues with her divorced parents. I mentioned it to her and she mentioned the site to her stepmom (BIL's 2nd wife) and the stepmom scoured the site until she found my posts which she shared with the other BIL's wife. So the two BIL's wives hate me. I've apologized and they have blocked me from their lives. The one BIL hasn't talked to DH in 6 months. Which hurts DH. The other BIL talks to DH sporadically but his wife (the stepmom) won't talk to DH or me.
I am just hurt. It been since January and I have tried so hard with them, but they ignore me and love each other all up on FB. I got off FB for a month and felt better, and just tried going back now, but it brings up all the hurt again. I don't want to have to hide. I hate that I am the cause of DH having problems with his family. In hindsight, I think they just never liked me and were waiting for an excuse. One of the couple wouldn't go to our wedding even though we offer to pay their flight and hotel.
Just feeling sad and uncomfortable.
I am just hurt. It been since January and I have tried so hard with them, but they ignore me and love each other all up on FB. I got off FB for a month and felt better, and just tried going back now, but it brings up all the hurt again. I don't want to have to hide. I hate that I am the cause of DH having problems with his family. In hindsight, I think they just never liked me and were waiting for an excuse. One of the couple wouldn't go to our wedding even though we offer to pay their flight and hotel.
Just feeling sad and uncomfortable.
Re: Hurt that the inlaws hate me.
What did you say exactly that they are so up in arms about?
That would help a bit. We need a bit of backstory.
I had made too many references on various posts about recommendations for venues and hotels, and various things, they were able to narrow it down to me by location and date. And yes, I have basically learned my lesson, so I was trying to be a little vague on here and my name is not doris.
It all got stirred up because BIL's daughter was getting married and his first wife invited me to a bridal shower, and I suggested maybe a brunch since I had never met the woman. Even though they have been divorced more than 25 yrs. The niece and I are very close and she talks to me about her mom and how great her mom is all the time. The stepmother had the niece in tears regularly over the wedding and nieces mom. I suggested wedding bee to the niece as I didn't come from a divorced family and thought she might find good advice on how to handle the parents for her wedding. She had mentioned my suggestion and then the witch hunt was on. The stepmother emailed everyone I had mentioned in posts to advise them that I was saying horrible things about them online. None of which were horrible, I complained that the adult children of one relative wouldn't respond to the RSVP and I thought it was crappy because all they had to do was drop the stamped envelope in the mail, but I had to chase them well past the cut off date. Nothing was so bad that it deserved this.
Unfortunately I was dumb enough to mention the wedding venue and ask people in that town if they had any experience with them. It was easy to look up the location and see my date of wedding (stupidly I put the real date) and track it to me. This woman made it her mission to read every single post. I felt completely violated, as a first time bride, I posted insecurities, hopes, dreams, disappointments in what I thought was anonymity. I had no idea anyone could be so spiteful. I had of course problems with bridesmaids, dresses, people not going, concerns about how to handle recently broken up guests, seating all the usual wedding issues.
The thing, is I really really liked these people until this. I am so hurt as family is hugely important to me, and I want to be close to them. They just won't let me, but I think at this point even if they wanted to make it work that I've been too hurt and would not be able to be close with them. Also, I worry that DH might one day resent me for this.
He should be the one to see how silly and petty they are being --- and he should more or less be on your side about the entire thing.
Who knows?
They may cool off in time.
Or they may not.
Wishing you luck. Hope this works out for everyone's benefit. What will this bunch do when you and your H have a child? or a true crisis? That's where you'll see the adults separated from the children.:(