Sex & Romance
veganMaus
member
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Frustrated
I just need to vent. Here goes...
My husband won't have sex with me. Not because he is cheating, but because he is always (I really don't know, but I am guessing) not feeling well. His complaints: 1. I feel bloated, 2. I ate too much, 3. my body hurts (mind you he does not have a stressful nor back-breaking job; he takes care of fish and plants all day!). This is a nightly thing. We have sex about every other week and I would like to have it at least every other day. Why? Because I want to start a family. I want a baby. So I can't help but think that he is subconsciously sabotaging my wants. I feel lost, lonely, and yearning for something more. I love my husband and would NEVER leave him in any way, but I don't want to feel sad anymore. I guess I just need a change, a goal. He is content with only having his comfortable job. He makes half of what I do, so I feel like I am always carrying the weight. I pay for EVERYTHING. And he pays for "toys" for himself. I simply don't feel special anymore in his eyes. I feel as if he has grown too comfortable with me doing everything that now I have to carry the burden of our life. I don't want to feel this way. I want a child so much that it hurts when others talk about their children, when I see children in public, on television, etc. I am thinking about going back to school to get my masters just so I have something else to focus on and take my mind off of this absence. I want him to go to school as well, but he is so afraid of change I fear he will never go. I am at a loss. I need some advice. Please. And thanks for "listening".
Re: Frustrated
Has he always been like this?
This post has my head spinning. He seems wishy washy and lacadaisical and to make a wife pul the financial load -- don't ask what that makes him; this is mixed company and a place where ladies and gentlemen congregate! WOW!
You need to talk to him, about everything, especially the financial "distribution" here! WHy are you paying for everything???
Things have to shape up or he nigh well can ship out. He "blew" it with me when you said you pay for everything -- and why the heck do you need him at all? at this point, you have a roommate and not a husband!
Talk to him and get resolution fast. If he gives you excuses or promises and he does not follow through, you figure out where to go from here. GL.
If the OP is still tuned in, I’d like to know why the financial arrangement is just fine by her.
OP: You are pulling the full financial cart in this sham of a marriage – and he is doing what, letting you pay for all with no contribution?
What is he doing with his money – which is really YOUR money and his, because when you get married, your money, paycheck, assets and et cetera and his money, etc equals OUR money.
Any guy who doesn’t blink an eye while his wife pays for all is no man at all: this is a bum and this is a pig.
What I suggest you do -- and do it tonight; this bullshit can’t continue:
Tell him that as of now, you and he will be the chief financial officers of your household. And that your paycheck and his will go into one joint checking account and from there, that is how you and he will pay the bills and other expenses, like a nice normal couple.
If he does not immediately and heartily agree to this arrangement, arrange to show him the door, posthaste.
He is living off you and that is a fact. He is spending his money – which is really YOUR money and HIS --- on whatever he wants to spend it on and you are seeing nothing wrong with it!
He will bleed you dry and he is taking advantage of you.
If he won’t jointly support your household, divorce this characterless bum. Life is too short to waste your youth, your sexuality and your money on a first class shit.