Friendships

heatherbunn24

Hey there! Please be nice as this is my first post. I've been reading some boards for a while and I have seen how quickly and mean some people can get. Keep the mean comments to yourself, thats not why I am here

I am 28 and my other half is 30. We used to both be extreme social butterflies. While I have seemingly lost 99% of those "friends" I use to hang out with, my hubby still has his group of guys hes grown up with and still talks to most of them on a daily basis and see them at least twice a week. It drives me nuts. I do have 4 girlfriends I can rely on for some time here and there, but they mostly live in other states.So girl time is limited. I have my family but its just not the same.  

I know that its not the quantity of friends but the quality of the people that you surround yourself with. And I also know that, as my mother says "you grow up and you grow apart". The past relationships and friends I had are no longer looking at the same goals, dreams, life cycles, etc. Most of the people that dropped me like a bad habit when we got engaged turned out to be losers anyways. So technically a good thing they disassociated from me. I don't need the drama.

I guess what I am looking for is how have others coped with this loss of friendship and where as an adult couple do you go to find new friendships? Its not as easy as it was when I was 17. I now have a career and a house and do not go out to bars and clubs its just not who I am. Just looking to hear from others and what they have gone through and maybe some suggestions.

Thanks for listening.  

;;)

TarponMonoxide

heatherbunn24 said:

Hey there! Please be nice as this is my first post. I've been reading some boards for a while and I have seen how quickly and mean some people can get. Keep the mean comments to yourself, thats not why I am here

I am 28 and my other half is 30. We used to both be extreme social butterflies. While I have seemingly lost 99% of those "friends" I use to hang out with, my hubby still has his group of guys hes grown up with and still talks to most of them on a daily basis and see them at least twice a week. It drives me nuts. I do have 4 girlfriends I can rely on for some time here and there, but they mostly live in other states.So girl time is limited. I have my family but its just not the same.  

I know that its not the quantity of friends but the quality of the people that you surround yourself with. And I also know that, as my mother says "you grow up and you grow apart". The past relationships and friends I had are no longer looking at the same goals, dreams, life cycles, etc. Most of the people that dropped me like a bad habit when we got engaged turned out to be losers anyways. So technically a good thing they disassociated from me. I don't need the drama.

I guess what I am looking for is how have others coped with this loss of friendship and where as an adult couple do you go to find new friendships? Its not as easy as it was when I was 17. I now have a career and a house and do not go out to bars and clubs its just not who I am. Just looking to hear from others and what they have gone through and maybe some suggestions.

Thanks for listening.  

;;)

What do you and your H like to do together?

Try meeting friends who have the same interests as you.

There's also things like signing up for lessons you can take as couples: coed tennis, ballroom dancing, coed martial arts --- you're bound to meet people your age in those classes.

There are also volunteer endeavors you can partake in together.  The best way to make a friend or 2 is to meet them via a common cause. GL.

doeydo

I recommend the following website for finding new lady friends: http://www.girlfriendsocial.com/ 

GilliC

heatherbunn24 said:

We used to both be extreme social butterflies. While I have seemingly lost 99% of those "friends" I use to hang out with, my hubby still has his group of guys hes grown up with and still talks to most of them on a daily basis and see them at least twice a week. It drives me nuts.

It drives you nuts that you lost 99% of your friends? Or that your H sees his friends so often? (The structure of your paragraph, makes it sound like the latter, but I want to confirm that.)

I've lost lots of my friends over the years because I live overseas, and many of them eventually move. It really sucks, because I have to keep starting over. It's a little bit easier, because everyone is kind of in the same situation, but it still means finding new friends regularly.

The hardest part is to find the first few people you really click with. After that, you're more likely to meet people through those first few friends. (It's a good chance that person knows other people you'd like.)

I completely agree with the recommendation to get involved in activities you like. Some of my best friends came from a book club we started with a group of strangers in a local internet group. Classes and activities can be a good chance, or church/religious groups if that's your thing. Remember that not every event will net a new friend, so try not to be disappointed.

Also, if you're not normally outgoing among people you don't know (I'm definitely not), give it a try. If you're in a new group, chances are that other people might be similarly hesitant and really appreciate your making the effort. And if they're not, you can usually tell and just let it go.

Another option is to look for groups (meetups, internet forums, etc) targeted at people new to your area. Even though you're not new, it can be a chance to meet people who are actively looking to make connections with new people. We have a "New to..." group around here that has members who've been around for over a decade, and most of the true newbies are happy to have their input and knowledge.

lpstl

http://www.meetup.com

CowgirlK39

We have a similar problem. When we were dating we had a tight knit group. They were mostly DHs friends but combined with significant others, we were quite the crew. Then, around the time we got engaged, everyone was starting to do their own thing in life. We had these people in our wedding and then pretty much never spoke to them after that because everyone changed so much. For me, all of my friends moved away after college to pursue careers so I very very rarely see any of them. The friends we have now are due to a group we are involved with and we are together multiple times a week. So I agree with the PP who said you should join a group or a sport. See what there is in your town that you may want to get involved it.

hannahj0

I am in the same situation. My husband still has his group of friends that he went to high school/college with, and my girlfriends all live a few hours away. We just moved and I'm ready to try to make some new friends for that much needed girl time...but I'm now also 5 months pregnant! I'm hoping to meet a mommy group or something. Making friends once you're out of school is so hard! I've also been the type to make "situational" friends..whoever I see most often I become friends with. So not the case when you're an adult and go to work (where there are no girls your age working) and then go home.

Like I said, I'm hoping a mommy group will start some new friendships, but going to couples classes like other PPs have suggested sounds like a good plan, too!