Stay At Home Wife...no Kids...So whats my problem?

Apossiblemaybe

I'm 32 and I am a stay at home wife. My husband and I do want kids but as of this minute we aren't trying. He works your normal 8-5p, 40hrs a week. I stay home w/our Boston Terrier puppy and take care of the chores, financials, and other typical home & life stuff for the both of us. I recently enrolled back into college to finish my degree too and that occupies a good amount of time. I just became a stay at home wife in February of this year. I was working full time making good money for the last 10 years and almost every day I wished I could just be a stay at home wife/mom. So what am I complaining about if I got what I wanted?
 I am extremely lucky and grateful for the position I am in, but ...
I feel like I am more alone now than I was when I was single! ALL of my girlfriends work full time and a good majority of them are still single. So during the day its just me and my thoughts. On top of that, I feel so desperate for my husband's attention when he gets home but I know he needs just a little time to himself to decompress from the work day. I don't want to become overbearing or needy. I almost feel like I just want to go back to work full time even if the job is horrible, just so I feel like I'm contributing to society and interact with the real world on a daily basis again. Any others out there in my position? Anyone else feel the same? Any suggestions?

SlurpeeLove

Is there any particular reason you chose to be a stay at home wife?

Apossiblemaybe

Yes, my job was extremely stressful. Good money but working in a high volume call center in customer service where 50% of the calls/emails I took in were people complaining. So I wanted to get out of there. A major reason I left too is that my husband works for the same company as one of the managers (not my manager) so we would work in the same office most of the time. Caused a little conflict and some fights in our marriage. We both thought it best for me to leave the job since he made way more than I did anyways.

chrisnjay05212010

Can you find another full time or part time job that might not be stressful but would give you something to do to fill your time?  Or you could always volunteer your time for a cause you are interested in.

 

Apossiblemaybe

That is an excellent idea! :-) Thank you.

chrisnjay05212010

Apossiblemaybe said:

That is an excellent idea! :-) Thank you.

something non stress- easy going.  It will give you purpose and keep ya busy.  If i stayed home all the time i would go insane!  There is only so many times you can clean and do laundry!

BlueBirdMB

I'm not sure why anyone would want to be a  stay at home wife- it sounds lonely and boring.  If you didn't like your job, find another one.  It's nice that you have the luxury of being home in the meantime, but look for a job you would like.

Apossiblemaybe

My thoughts exactly... its like I am slowly losing my mind lol! Finding another job making the money I was making hasn't been easy, trust me I looked for a few months. I haven't given up, but I decided to go back to school to work on my degree so when I am done I can hopefully join the workforce again and make just as much as I did if not more. Plus, it will make me feel like I didn't waste ALL my time staying at home all day. It's just the current position I am in right now. I'm getting restless and lonely. Talking about it here on this discussion board is actually helping a lot.

Sugarplum97

I am a stay at home wife, I do get lonely sometimes because of the hours that DH works; but I wouldn't have it any other way. I am going to college full time online, and I volunteer at a small school where I live 4-5 days a week. I was going to take the semester after we got married off, but I was bored out of my mind while Dh was gone. Needless to say, I very quickly got back into college, I also started a house wife blog. I don't have very many followers and the ones I do have aren't very active, but it's relaxing and I like to do it. It is a great way to let my out of town family know what's going on. I recommended making one, (if you like that kind of thing).

meg1620

I'm not in that situation, but have you thought about volunteering? Or a part time job somewhere you shop just for the discount?

beyondwords106

I am not a stay at home wife but my mom is.  She has an illness that basically causes her body to shut down if she gets in a high stress situation, so my dad wont allow her to work.  Which is for the best but I know she goes crazy staying at home all day alone.  She likes to fill her time with working on her garden and doing lots of volunteer work.  If that's not for you maybe try going to a coffee shop and reading or working on school work instead of sitting at home.  That way even if your not their with someone at least people are around you and you get activity.

OtterJ

I was going to suggest volunteering, but I've been beat to it!  It can be hard to transition from being around people all day at work, to being by yourself most of the time. 

If we could afford it, I would most definitely be a stay at home wife, but I would be out of the house a good portion of the time.  There are several ministries & non-profits around the city that I would love to support with volunteering (since we can't afford me not working - I currently work at a non-profit).  The bonus of volunteering, is that if you do find yourself too overstretched, you can take a break or slow down when needed.  Plus, you would be around other people (to keep from going crazy), and it's just flat-out feels good to help others. 

If you want your time to be profitable, you don't have to give it away.  A part time job would still keep most of your time free, and your stress level at a minimum, while still keeping you social and active. 

WendyGR

I think you also need to consider whether a job that pays less is an option. I'm guessing the higher level of pay correlated somewhat to the amount of stress. My husband changed jobs last year and took a pay cut (we could easily afford it) but he is SO much happier because the environment is much less stressful. He has since been given raises so that he is almost making what he was before. 

mrshampton14

I felt like I was just reading a story about my life. I am 27 and also a stay at home wife. We live in Southern Ga and the jobs around here are very very scarce. I worked the first year we were here while my husband was finishing school for welding. I lost my job and then he went and got a job. I also enrolled in school again but i'm doing it full time online. So he works 6am - 4:30pm and I'm home all day doing school work, chores, financial stuff, ya know the usual. I ALSO have a boston terrier/pit bull mix that hangs out with me all day too! lol I swear we're living the same life! All of my family lives in FL and his family lives here in GA. well just his parents and a brother. I sit all day with my thoughts too and sometimes I can get really down. We only have one vehicle at the time so if I need to go anywhere I have to wait till the hubby comes home or I call my mother in law.

One thing that helped me is that I made a weekly schedule. I would schedule school work at certain times, chores on certain days/time, I would schedule a bath once or twice a week for the dog on certain days. So doing this with everything I have to do during the week it helped keep me on a schedule. Exercising helps too! Another thing you could do is maybe apply at some companies that hire people to work at home? 1800 flowers hires people during the holiday season. Maybe you could find something like that? I also know that when my husband get's home he needs time to unwind which is completely fine especially since he does pay the bills, I respect that he works hard and he's tired when he gets home. So maybe schedule a joint shower together sometime during the evening so that way you get that intimate time even if you don't end up doing anything, works for us, maybe it could work for you! And remember you have to make yourself happy, no one can do that for you. If you're gonna hate your job, you're not gonna be happy.

kmj500

I'm also a stay at home wife. After I convocated from college, I had the worst time trying to find a job...let's just say the rejection took a toll on my self-esteem and I reached my breaking point, being diagnosed with anxiety and depression.

Luckily my husband is very successful at his job and we can easily live off of his income. He wanted me to focus on getting better, which I have, and I have found a part time job that I love. I try to volunteer with the local animal shelter when I can. I've also improved my baking skills lol.

My only other suggestion is to spread your errands over the entire week instead of doing everything in one day. I know that sounds silly but it gives you something to get out of the house for.

I know how boring it can get but it's all about managing your time right!

kayleighjday

I'm in not quite the same situation, but similar. My husband works full-time and  I quit my full-time job to pursue my Masters and now I work part-time as a Graduate Assistant, which is fantastic. I have times that I work outside of the house but most of my work I can do from home. It's an interesting adjustment since I feel like I don't have a job because I spend a lot of my days at home, and it makes me go a little nuts, so I was happy to find this post. 

Anyway, I was thinking since you're in school, is there anyway you could get an internship somewhere? That way you can get some experience in your field (which will look great on your resume) and get you out of the house a little bit. 

SheMarie82

I would say find something at least part time that you LOVE!  Personally, I would be a full time volunteer if I had a choice.  Find something that gives you meaning, without the stress.  It doesn't seem that you need the money from working, so add value to your life, in a way that you can still take care of those things at home.

peanuttapioca

I was unemployed for 3 months and definitely felt exactly the same way. Every day was a bit of a struggle to stay occupied and productive. Here were some ways I spent my time... maybe these ideas will help you out as well:

-- Took my laptop or book to my neighborhood coffee shop or park. Even though you're doing a solitary activity (reading, shopping online, whatever) you're still surrounded by others and just sharing the space and being in public can make you feel less lonely.

-- Visit my husband at work for a coffee break during the afternoon.

-- Bought new plants and potters to decorate my apartment.

-- Worked on a free coding course online. Also worked on this in coffee shops.

-- Went on long walks with my fancy camera and worked on my photography.

-- Worked on learning a new language. We were taking Italian classes, so I would spend time studying and playing iPad games that expand your Italian vocabulary.

Those are a few ideas... hope that helps! I do recommend ultimately finding a new job, though. Your brain starts to turn to mush if you don't constantly find ways to learn, create, be productive, etc. I was really thrilled to get back to work. It also strengthens your relationship with your man, because you come home and both have stories to share.

Sisugal

Take a larger class load
Volunteer - there are many needs in every community.
Join a gym