Midnight masturbation???!

heatheranderic2013

My husband used to be a lot more hands on with me. Lately, I've been lucky if I get action twice, maybe four times a month.
Last weekend, we had some friends over, and I fell asleep shortly before they all left. I found him several hours later masturbating online when he very well could have put forth some effort and shown some love to his wife. My sex drive is going crazy right now, and he complains that he can't keep up, but a search of his internet history proves that there have been nights when he has downloaded porn minutes before I have come home and been "too tired" to show me the affection I believe I deserve.
I'm a personal trainer and a marathoner and--if anything--I've gotten hotter since we've been married, so why does he prefer his computer in the middle of the night versus a nice warm body that screws him back?

TarponMonoxide

heatheranderic2013 said:

My husband used to be a lot more hands on with me. Lately, I've been lucky if I get action twice, maybe four times a month. Last weekend, we had some friends over, and I fell asleep shortly before they all left. I found him several hours later masturbating online when he very well could have put forth some effort and shown some love to his wife. My sex drive is going crazy right now, and he complains that he can't keep up, but a search of his internet history proves that there have been nights when he has downloaded porn minutes before I have come home and been "too tired" to show me the affection I believe I deserve. I'm a personal trainer and a marathoner and--if anything--I've gotten hotter since we've been married, so why does he prefer his computer in the middle of the night versus a nice warm body that screws him back?

Why in the world didn't you open the door and charge through it when opportunity knocked...and LOUDLY?:)

I'm not kidding --- you could have lent him a hand or jumped right on him.

That said....

Have you spoken to him about this?

Do so outside the bedroom. Tell him you caught him red handed, so to speak, and that you want to have more sex with him.

Masturbation in itself is NOT an issue.  He had an urge and perhaps he didn't want to wake you up.

Talk to him. Tonight. GL.

oldbugle

....What Tarpy said.

However, It would help to know what type of "porn" he is now downloading,....perhaps a fit "personal trainer and marathoner" is NOT what turns him on.   Maybe he does not see you as feminine anymore (just saying, maybe wrong)   If a man would rather look at porn than a hot real woman there's something going on that you need to know about!

doeydo

Sounds like he might have a porn addiction or something; he would rather look at a person on a screen and use his hand than be with a real woman.  I would either leave him or go to some couples/sex therapy.

TarponMonoxide

Maybe he can't keep up because he's spent from all the jerking off he is doing.:(

It is very difficult to tell here what's going on.

It is pretty clear, though, that you need to talk to him and communicate about your mutual sex lives. DOn't be silent on this; he is not a mind reader.

If he is indulging in too much porn, this is a whole other story altogether.  If it turns out he has a genuine porn addiction, leave him -- any addiction is a dealbreaker and porn addictions are included.

oldbugle

....This is about a particular 'flavour' of porn,...that interests him more than his (attractive sounding) wife.....

If she cannot take over this role/interest by meeting his need then their sexual relationship, if not their marriage, is over.    Healthy fit men do NOT reject a warm live and willing woman in favour of an image unless that image, whatever it is, is more exciting.

Perhaps he has discovered that he is bi or latently gay,...or wants BDSM, or needs to be whipped!!...or wants something he feels he cannot ask her for......the OP won't know unless he tells her but the type of porn he is interested in will be a big clue.

TarponMonoxide

Maybe they are fetish-oriented.

Is this your garden variety porn?  Only you would know for sure.

You have to talk to him.  That he's likely looking at porn and masturbating and then he's not in the mood for sex with you is not good at all, if it is happening much too often.

If all of this is happening too often, you might want to see a sex therapist and a couples counselor, by yourself --- tell these people what's happening and then get their take on it.

bennypb

I think some of the replies here are jumping to a conclusion way too quickly. Leaving him or assuming he's gay because he watches porn instead of having sex is just nonsensical.

It's great that you're not freaking out like a lot of people might, so you obviously aren't an insecure person. So hopefully this will make it a little easier for you to have an honest chat with him. He might be more reluctant to give you the real reason though, particularly if he loves you and doesn;t want to hurt your feelings. 

There's a good chance things have just gone a bit stale, which he might be afraid to mention for fear of upsetting you. Everyone needs a bit of variety in their life, mean and women both, and having the same old sex with the same person can lead to a bit of a rut. If he won;t open up then try to introduce new things slowly into the bedroom. Maybe be waiting for him naked one evening, buy a toy, or try a little role playing or bondage. Little changes really can make a big difference and inject a bit of passion. If you guys can share a few fantasies it might totally reignite your sex life. 

Try not to read too much into it or panic until you actually find out what the problem is. If you want to start escalating into role playing or mild bondage there's a good article on taking it slow here http://www.passionbay.com/blog/bondage-beginners/

hottZac

LUV LUV jacking my cock till I cum
midnight lunch time when ever masturbating is part of my sexy ways

NoneForUs

I wouldn't be happy if my husband was refusing to make love to me and masturbating instead.

I have no issue with my husband maturbating and looking at porn but those activities cannot take time away from our sex life. 

thesummersky

bennypb said:

I think some of the replies here are jumping to a conclusion way too quickly. Leaving him or assuming he's gay because he watches porn instead of having sex is just nonsensical.

It's great that you're not freaking out like a lot of people might, so you obviously aren't an insecure person. So hopefully this will make it a little easier for you to have an honest chat with him. He might be more reluctant to give you the real reason though, particularly if he loves you and doesn;t want to hurt your feelings. 

There's a good chance things have just gone a bit stale, which he might be afraid to mention for fear of upsetting you. Everyone needs a bit of variety in their life, mean and women both, and having the same old sex with the same person can lead to a bit of a rut. If he won;t open up then try to introduce new things slowly into the bedroom. Maybe be waiting for him naked one evening, buy a toy, or try a little role playing or bondage. Little changes really can make a big difference and inject a bit of passion. If you guys can share a few fantasies it might totally reignite your sex life. 

Try not to read too much into it or panic until you actually find out what the problem is. If you want to start escalating into role playing or mild bondage there's a good article on taking it slow here http://www.passionbay.com/blog/bondage-beginners/

STUCK IN BOX

I definitely agree with what's bolded. I'm sure it gets annoying to hear, "just communicate with him," but honestly communication is what is needed in most conflicts. A big part of that communication is listening. Though you may be hurting or have a judgement that comes to mind in reaction to what he's doing, hear him out. Listening doesn't mean you have to agree or be OK with it, but if will definitely help you both come to an understanding quicker than a rash decision to leave or assume he's *not into you anymore. 

Edited for poor word choice - better now.