Scheduling sex?

housewifehobbyist

I've been happily married for two years, together for six.  We both work demanding jobs, often with late hours, plus I'm in school to get a further professional certification.  I get up at 6:00 every morning to work out before work, and rarely get home from the office until after 9:00 PM.   His schedule is similar.  Some weeks I feel like I have to schedule sex in the same way I do exercise (and psych myself up for it the same way really).  Its less than romantic, but I also don't want to wake up and realize we haven't done it in a month, so I try to make sure we "get it in" at least once I week.  I guess I feel like it should come more naturally, and I have always been a very sexual person so this is not something I'm used to.  Does anyone else feel like they have to schedule in sex half the time?  Is this a normal part of being a busy, married adult or so we need to find a way to light that spark again?

shelbygetsmarried1214

I don't see a problem with it! It's much healthier than not having sex at all. When you both lead such busy lives, it's important that you make time for 'sexy time' whenever you can. To make things a little spicier I would surprise him. Wake him up in the middle of the night, or meet home during a lunch break for a little afternoon action. My FI and I are the same way with our busy schedules, so I try to keep it a little exciting when I can. Good luck!

vlagrl29

We use to have way more sex before we had the kiddo.  We are just so much more busier and tired now.  I feel ya.  We pretty much were scheduling it too.  I tried to spice it up on our last date night.  I found that if we did it in public that might be more exciting.  I was wearing a dress without underwear and DH took me in the bathroom where we were at.  We got it in the next day too at home because he was still turned on from the night before.

amoraresdevivir

My husband and I work opposite shifts--I'm at work by the time he gets home, he goes to bed shortly after I get home, and the only time we see each other is Saturday afternoons and Sunday mornings. That is, IF neither of us has other plans. So, sometimes scheduling sex is necessary. I know it can feel less romantic, but it's actually really commonly recommended for people who find themselves otherwise consistently too busy or too tired for sex.

One thing I've read that kind of helps is to put it in the mindset of, instead of it being an obligation or a regular duty, think of it as something you can look forward to. If you know you're going to have sex tomorrow after work and before your evening obligations, you get to spend all day thinking about it and planning it in your head and looking forward to it. I don't know if that'll help you, but I think it's a more positive way of looking at it, and sometimes thinking of it that way helps make it seem...a little less un-romantic.

Of course, hopefully you can still take advantage of those rare moments of spontaneity when they happen too.

~NB~

You're not scheduling sex, you're scheduling a date night. That way, sex still "comes naturally".

housewifehobbyist

Thank you everyone!  Amora I like your idea about anticipating it in a different way.  I'm going to try to do that.  And unfortunately NB, I really am scheduling sex, not date nights.  We have dates maybe once every six weeks with our schedules (plus honestly we're homebodies), and we need more sex than that! 

thesummersky

~NB~ said:

You're not scheduling sex, you're scheduling a date night. That way, sex still "comes naturally".

This is exactly what I was going to say upon reading the original post. It keeps the romance and fun, but also ensures you set aside time for your relationship!