Feeling like just a wife...

kokko1bj

I'm about 3 years into marriage now and I'm starting to feel a little lost... I think it may have been precipitated by selling my old car that I've had for the last 12 years. It felt like I lost the last little part of the old, single, daddy's girl, Me. Now I'm starting to feel like, well... Just Mrs. Husband. I feel like I'm so different from the girl I used to be, which is mostly a really great thing. Beautiful house, great job, the "perfect" husband. So what's the deal? Why am I feeling so gloomy? Any other ladies with a similar feeling? Like you've lost what makes you, you? Thanks for the help. Any advice would be appreciated!

JewelMarie143

Omg... Yes! I have been marries 4 years. Really been feeling the same way as you the last couple of months. Maybe cause we're getting older and routine of life can get boring. Mless excitement like when we were younger and no responsibility and someone to answer too.

I need advice too!

VOR

So, you went from feeling like a daddy's girl to feeling like "Mrs. DH"?  You need to stop looking at men as your "saviors" and start focusing on finding out who YOU are. 

chrisnjay05212010

I'm having the complete opposite feeling actually. We've been married 4 years and i feel like i have changed so much since. im finally settling into who i really am, even if that is Mrs DH.

doeydo

Do you still have your own life?  Friends, job, hobbies, etc.?

chrisnjay05212010

doeydo said:

Do you still have your own life?  Friends, job, hobbies, etc.?

ahhh yes! super important question!!! 

BlueBirdMB

We've only been married a year and half, but I feel like a totally different person than I even when we got married.  We've both continued to grow and change.  

Your post makes me feel like your only identity is how you relate to men- father and husband.  Your identity shouldn't be tied solely to others- you should be able to stand on your own.  You should have a other things that fulfill you.

GilliC

kokko1bj said:

I'm about 3 years into marriage now and I'm starting to feel a little lost... I think it may have been precipitated by selling my old car that I've had for the last 12 years. It felt like I lost the last little part of the old, single, daddy's girl, Me. Now I'm starting to feel like, well... Just Mrs. Husband. I feel like I'm so different from the girl I used to be, which is mostly a really great thing. Beautiful house, great job, the "perfect" husband. So what's the deal? Why am I feeling so gloomy? Any other ladies with a similar feeling? Like you've lost what makes you, you? Thanks for the help. Any advice would be appreciated!

Did you really define yourself before marriage solely as a "single daddy's girl?" Surely not. You must have had hobbies and interests. Did you get a college degree or have a favorite subject in school? What did you do with your free time? If you had created a dating profile back when you were single, what would it have said?

Those are the things that you should focus on. Get back into forgotten hobbies. Focus on your career. Try to reconnect with friends that you rarely see.

If you really had no identity outside of your daughter/girlfriend role, then find one! Volunteer for a cause you're interested in. Take a class. Join a sports team or group. Something must interest you besides your marriage.

janined22

She says in her post that she has a great job.  I don't believe she's identifying herself only as through belonging to men.  What I think is happening is that you are feeling nostalgic of the fun and carefree life you had when you were single.  Not paying any bills, just hanging out with your friends and not thinking twice of spending your money.  Now, you have a great life but you have someone waiting for you at home, you have to plan your spending, you can't just pick up and go at your leisure so even though you're happy in your marriage you long for at least a brief moment of not caring about anything or anyone else but yourself.

It's normal, it happens to me all the time and what I do is I take a day off work and spend the day with me and forget about everything/everyone else.  :-)

NoneForUs

Married people tend to romanticize their single life when they are feeling nostalgic.

I am guilty of this as well, until I remember the loneliness and heartbreak. 

Marriage comes with responsibilities and embracing new roles. It is all part of growing up. 

I had a grieving period when I was engaged because I never believed that I would ever marry and it was scary to give up some of my fierce independence. Now that we have been married for almost four years, I see how much I have grown and matured because I learned to consider the way anything I do affects my husband. I am proud to be Mrs. G but I also have a full life outside of my marriage. This is a good balancing act so that I don't feel smothered. 

GilliC

janined22 said:

She says in her post that she has a great job.  I don't believe she's identifying herself only as through belonging to men.  What I think is happening is that you are feeling nostalgic of the fun and carefree life you had when you were single.  Not paying any bills, just hanging out with your friends and not thinking twice of spending your money.  Now, you have a great life but you have someone waiting for you at home, you have to plan your spending, you can't just pick up and go at your leisure so even though you're happy in your marriage you long for at least a brief moment of not caring about anything or anyone else but yourself.

It's normal, it happens to me all the time and what I do is I take a day off work and spend the day with me and forget about everything/everyone else.  :-)

She did say that, but she does imply that this is not part of what defines her:

kokko1bj said:

Feeling like just a wife

I'm about 3 years into marriage now and I'm starting to feel a little lost... I think it may have been precipitated by selling my old car that I've had for the last 12 years. It felt like I lost the last little part of the old, single, daddy's girl, Me. Now I'm starting to feel like, well... Just Mrs. Husband. I feel like I'm so different from the girl I used to be, which is mostly a really great thing. Beautiful house, great job, the "perfect" husband. So what's the deal? Why am I feeling so gloomy? Any other ladies with a similar feeling? Like you've lost what makes you, you? Thanks for the help. Any advice would be appreciated!

Apparently "successful career woman" or "owner of a beautiful house" are not things that make her "her". I don't think that's a healthy outlook.

RamaLamaDD

I feel like this a lot. I sometimes feel like I kind of forgot who I am in the process of dating and then getting married. I don't feel like I made up another person, just like I sort of lost little bits of me over time. I used to be pretty fun, and hung out with a lot of guys (not romantically, I liked video games and worked in a video game store, with the result that most of my friends were guys) and I sort of left that all behind when I started dating DH as I assumed he would be uncomfortable...and then I moved in with him (an hour away from my hometown) and things just kind of spiraled from there.

I don't know what to say. Was there stuff you really liked doing before you met your husband that you don't do anymore? People you used to see all the time that you haven't seen in a while?