Upgrading wedding ring question-DH wants to, I dont, good compromise?

repedrick

DH & I have been married for 10 years, I love the wedding ring that he gave to me, to me it's the perfect size to feel comfortable wearing everyday and it has sentimental value to me. The problem is that he now has a very prominent career- we own a very successful business & he is very involved in the community. At business conferences, awards banquets, etc we are around other very prominent people and their wives have all upgraded their wedding rings to huge flashy rings. DH wants to upgrade my wedding ring to a bigger, more flashy one so that I fit in with these wives when we are at these functions. I am NOT a "keep up with the Jones'" person and could care less but I understand that it is a status thing reflection on him. He suggested getting a 2nd big wedding ring for me to wear to these functions and keep my original one for everyday wear. I like that compromise but I have a hard time spending $15-20K on a ring that I will only wear occassionally. I can think of way better places to spend that money.
Would it be bad to get a fake big flashy wedding looking ring to wear at these functions? It would only be worn 10-15 times a year so wouldn't see much abuse and should last just fine. I was thinking of the higher end (??) fake ones that QVC & HSN sell. I haven't mentioned it to DH yet but I think he would like the compromise as long as it looked good. We both hate "keep up" type things but in the business world, sometimes you have to play that game.
Any thoughts???   


Something like this............http://www.qvc.com/Epiphany-Diamonique-3-Stone-Emerald-Halo-Ring.product.J317992.html?sc=J317992-&cm_sp=VIEWPOSITION-_-23-_-J317992&catentryImage=http://images.qvc.com/is/image/j/92/j317992.001?$uslarge$

VOR

Yes, if I was really going to subject myself to this insanity, I would do it with a fake.  The idea of dropping $15k- $20k on a ring JUST to "keep up" is just insane.

I don't really even know what to say to this.  You really want to be one of "those" women?  If the ring

MrsAshleyH10

Seeing as you are the one that has to wear it, you should be able to do/get what you'd like.  Personally, I think it's silly to spend that kind of money if it's not something you want and it's for appearance only.  Get a high quality fake for these events if it makes your H feel more confident.

ohmrs2014

I agree.  Get a fake.  I don't think you should spend that much money on a ring that you yourself don't want.

BlueBirdMB

If you have to wear it, it's your decision.  I don't blame you.  I think it's total bullshit to keep up with the jones.  You shouldn't need a flashy ring to fit in a community.  I love where I live because even the rich people in our community don't need to have flashy things to show their wealth.  I work with a lot of people who built their wealth and they still own and wear the wedding rings they had before their built their wealth.  I'm unsure about why you would need something like that to fit in at functions.  

jtmh2012

The only way I'd ever buy something that expensive would be if there was a pretty good chance of an eventual payoff. ie. would appearing to keep up with the Joneses result in a big promotion/pay raise for your husband?

TarponMonoxide

repedrick said:

DH & I have been married for 10 years, I love the wedding ring that he gave to me, to me it's the perfect size to feel comfortable wearing everyday and it has sentimental value to me. The problem is that he now has a very prominent career- we own a very successful business & he is very involved in the community. At business conferences, awards banquets, etc we are around other very prominent people and their wives have all upgraded their wedding rings to huge flashy rings. DH wants to upgrade my wedding ring to a bigger, more flashy one so that I fit in with these wives when we are at these functions. I am NOT a "keep up with the Jones'" person and could care less but I understand that it is a status thing reflection on him. He suggested getting a 2nd big wedding ring for me to wear to these functions and keep my original one for everyday wear. I like that compromise but I have a hard time spending $15-20K on a ring that I will only wear occassionally. I can think of way better places to spend that money.
Would it be bad to get a fake big flashy wedding looking ring to wear at these functions? It would only be worn 10-15 times a year so wouldn't see much abuse and should last just fine. I was thinking of the higher end (??) fake ones that QVC & HSN sell. I haven't mentioned it to DH yet but I think he would like the compromise as long as it looked good. We both hate "keep up" type things but in the business world, sometimes you have to play that game.
Any thoughts???   


Something like this............http://www.qvc.com/Epiphany-Diamonique-3-Stone-Emerald-Halo-Ring.product.J317992.html?sc=J317992-&cm_sp=VIEWPOSITION-_-23-_-J317992&catentryImage=http://images.qvc.com/is/image/j/92/j317992.001?$uslarge$

Is this about keeping up with the Joneses?

Sounds like it is to me.

Why not some other kind of ring instead of an "upgrade"? 

What about a fabulous birthstone ring --- there are many with oversized center stones and diamond accents --- or what about a diamond cocktail ring? Fabulous, too --- those are making a comeback.

I'd keep the ering and wedding band "as is" --- it would be for sentimental reasons.

chrisnjay05212010

i agree with Tarpon, i would invest in a different ring to wear on your other hand- A birthstone, or band, something different.   Especially since you dont want to upgrade your rings. 

OtterJ

If you like your wedding ring as-is, don't change it - even temporarily. 

I also like the idea of buying other jewelry that can be flashy - but that don't need to be worn regularly (other rings, earrings, necklaces or bracelets).  I realize that some people use wedding rings as status symbols, but it has more meaning, and is more important than just a silly status symbol - so I recommend not lowering it to such trivial standards. 

If you do buy a flashy version of your wedding ring to wear occasionally, you could run into the potential situation of seeing one of your "flashy" friends at a time when you're not wearing (or forgot to put on) your flashy ring.  If you're worried that these are the type of people that WOULD notice the different ring (and really care), then you destroy the illusion, and create an air of doubt about your "real" social/financial status. 

Sisugal

Get a fake quality stone (they very in quality), AND get a good quality setting. should you decide to go that route - not a cheap one from QVS of HSN.

Another possibility - upgrade the shoes and clothing  and jewelry / assessories that are worn to these events -   You will get more use out of those.

Zollie2

i kinda like the idea of get a different big flashy piece and keeping your wedding and e-ring the same. it might make a statement that you guys worked your way up to where you are and you're not ashamed of that.

TarponMonoxide

I love white sapphires --- maybe some thing fabulous in an oversized stone.:)

nurse714

I wouldn't get a fake ring because if the reason for getting an upgrade is to fit in with the other wives, they might notice that it's fake and that will defeat the purpose and also make the image that your husband is trying to portray even worse. 

SheMarie82

I don't think that I will upgrade my ring, though my wife has told me this is something that we could do in the future.  To me, it shows exactly where we are today.  If she were to buy me another ring, I would wear it, but on my right hand.  This is the ring that we vowed our love to each other with.  I would feel bad putting on a fake, even if just for looks, especially to try and impress someone else.

EricaandAaron

The answer may be simpler than you think...you just need to ask yourself:

What do I want? What will I gain from this & does it improve my quality of life?

If your ring is that sentimental to you and you don't want to upgrade, then don't. Get a nice pair of diamond solitaires that you can wear casually OR at a gala/event. I will say, as someone who does have a very expensive ring, the choice has to be yours and must have meaning that's important to you. My, now, husband bought me a gorgeous set that is well into the double digits BUT with the caveat that he never wanted me to upgrade because he wanted it to be very special and "the original one". We had the means so we picked a more traditional timeless set that I knew I would never get tired of. With that being said, we did it because it was what we wanted... not because of what others had or didn't have. Upgrading your ring isn't going to be what lands your husband or you a better job, promotion, additional business partnerships or invited to exclusive events. That's just not the way that "true" and successful business leaders operate... they look for the best talent, people that are dependable, committed, eager to learn, innovative, etch. Just the fact that you stand by him & support him in his endeavors by attending and mingling shows your partnering is strong and will be much more valuable in the eyes of others. Now, you do come across "catty" women who will size you up and compare what you have/don't. Don't let it bother you. You'll meet some fantastic women who (in getting to know them) have much more context to them than what's on their left hand, trust me.

If you do decide to upgrade, here are some helpful hints to help ease the mind AND wallet if you can't see yourself spending a lot, (we saved nearly $8k) by researching... not splurging: 1) Today, you can find 1-2 carat diamond rings on Groupon...average quality, VERY reasonable price $2-$3.5K. 2) Reward points (Jared does this) & promotions: shop retailers during slow times or Black Friday and you can get GREAT deals from jewelers. 3) Negotiate... not all places do it, but hey, worst they can do is say no, right? 4) Second hand... so not everyone's favorite idea but much like a car, a ring instantly depreciates once it's used. Just get it inspected before purchase!  

Good luck and hope this helps!

Munashi

I kinda like the idea of a fake.  You don't need to go totally fake.. what about a big white sapphire or something like that?  But on the other hand, if the ring is important to you, consider letting him know that.  It's not that you don't want to compromise, but that the ring is from a different time and you love it as much now as you did then when it was all you could afford.  It's a part of your relationship, and very special... why hide it?

Jaje09182010

I feel like this could be bigger than just the ring- if you are happy with what you have then I don't think you should wear something else just to impress someone else. becuase where does it end? first its a ring, then is it how you decorate your house? or where you vacation? or what kind of car you drive? I feel like once you give in to materialism just for someone else you could end up loosing a peice of yourself.

Joyce&David

Instead of an absolutely fake ring, why don’t you buy a medium quality gemstone or diamond ring? Though your concern towards your husband’s social status and simultaneously your budget constraints is very logical and justifiable, upgrading your wedding ring to an over sized falsie bling is abhorrent. What if any of those uptown ladies get to know that it is unreal and point it out at a social dinner party? Nothing can be more thwarting than this for your husband.

As by definition, upgrade rings are always classier and more valuable. And it’s your wedding ring dear, how can you put such a sentimental jewelry of your life at stake. If you are that willing to keep your husband’s words, go for a simple eternity band. They are high on trend even among celebrities. Shop from an online jewelry website where you can receive a 10-15% Off and an opportunity to customize your new ring. Don’t go overboard, but avoid being this cheesy.

knune22

I have a decoy ring which looks 100% real and I wear it to those kinds of events, its very similar to my original but a bit bigger, but if you can afford the real deal why not? I would keep the first ring as it is so sentimental...