Trouble at school?

Luckystar2

Dd's 1st grade teacher uses red, yellow, green system with behavior. Dd was doing pretty well with getting green days. 1 day last week she got on yellow for talking with friends instead of reading. Then was ok until yesterday...she got on red but then was moved back to yellow since she improved some. Again for talking.

I just got an email from her teacher that she had a red day...again talking and not listening multiple times.

Sigh...any suggestions? We talked to her last night about appropriate times to talk (recess, lunch, after school program) and she seemed to want to do better. But an even worse day today.

Honestly I'm at a loss with my kid 90% of the time because she is so strong willed. I'm surprised we didn't have issues at school last year but she has generally behaved better for teachers/daycare than us. I feel like I suck at parenting most of the time and now I'm concerned she is getting in trouble at school. For her she just rebels and pushes and power struggles...it makes it difficult.

Anyways any suggestions, commiseration? Im hesitant to be too harsh talking about it tonight or punish her. She didn't want to tell me about her first yellow day and I worked hard convincing her that she needs to tell us stuff even if it's bad. So I want to keep that going. Hopefully she tells me tonight on her own, which is a good step that I don't want to backtrack.

Luckystar2

Obviously talking some isn't horrible but it's the not listening to teachers and continuing to do it that's getting her in trouble!

amyjoy18

DD's only in kindergarten, but we're running into the same issue.  They have the same sort of system and she gets yellows 2-3 days out of the week.  My first question for her was, "What were you supposed to be doing while you were talking?"  Turns out it is typically at a time when they're doing worksheets and she's already finished hers, so she has trouble sitting quietly when she doesn't have anything to do. 

So then I asked what she could do instead of talking/making noise when she was done.  We came up with trying to write more slowly even when she knows the answer to make sure it's neat; writing/drawing on the back of her paper and raising her hand and asking her teacher for another worksheet to do (don't know if she's done this or how her teacher would feel about it, but I figured it'd be worth a shot). 

I guess my advice is to help your DD come up with strategies that will help her keep quiet until the appropriate time.  If her situation is more along the lines of she just can't stop talking to her friends, even when she has work to do, maybe help her identify times throughout the day that it's OK to talk to a friend, like during bathroom breaks or whatever.

AmandaJLewis

Last year in K, EJ had problems talking with her tablemates after she finished her work.  The teacher let me know during her parent teacher conference.  And said she would try to give EJ some extra worksheets to do when she was done so she did not disturb the rest of the table while they finished. the teacher also rearranged the kids seats often through out the year. I think this helped too by keeping her from getting too comfortable with certain kids.

This year, they are doing a color based behavior chart. But with like 9 colors.  Green is good, and in the middle.  then below it are yellow, orange, and red.  Red is when the teacher talks to your parents.  But I like that there is more levels even though it complicates it some because it gives the kid a little more room to move up and down.  I told her if she comes home with a Red day she will not have any playtime with friends after school or any tv shows.

Finally, this isn't just for you to manage.  Sure, you need to set expectations on how you expect her to behave in school. But the teacher should also be offering some strategies to help your DD succeed in the classroom.

Luckystar2

Just an update. Dd didn't want to talk to me when I picked her up so I told her she would need to go to her room if she couldn't tell me about it. Amazingly she went straight to her room on her own (never does that) and I went in to check on her. She was able to tell me about it and we talked again about feeling comfortable to talk with me.

Sounds like she first got in trouble at gym because she moved to be with her friends. Sounds like she didn't really understand she wasn't allowed and we talked about asking if you aren't sure about something. Then she was talking on "the rug" when teacher was talking which she knows she shouldn't. So again we talked about appropriate times to talk.

I feel better after talking to her. I feel like she is just forgetting about the rules morso than just not listening.

denalea

AmandaJLewis said:

Finally, this isn't just for you to manage.  Sure, you need to set expectations on how you expect her to behave in school. But the teacher should also be offering some strategies to help your DD succeed in the classroom.

What a good reminder!

Overall, I think it is something she just needs to learn the rules/remember the rules for school...and that's something that that she has to learn at school.  It's really only been a few weeks.  I imagine she (and others!) are simply testing boundaries, and figuring out what's what.

Also, did you say you've had success with behavior charts in the past?  If you are not currently doing one for something else, perhaps you could have one that she could replicate her color from school at home, and once she has so many good days she gets a reward, or if she has so many bad days she loses a privilege?  Maybe consequences/rewards outside of school would be an encouragement/deterrent.  But, if she's not causing major disruptions or problems (if talking out of turn really is the extent of it) I don't know that this is the sword I would fall on as a parent.

sundaygirl

AmandaJLewis said:

Finally, this isn't just for you to manage.  Sure, you need to set expectations on how you expect her to behave in school. But the teacher should also be offering some strategies to help your DD succeed in the classroom.

And don't be afraid to utilize the school guidance counselor.  My kid has been working with a TSS in the school setting since January and it's helped a ton - for him and for me.  Just bouncing ideas off a behavior "pro" have helped me keep things in perspective and feel more confident about my parenting.  And I am a lousy parent when I am stressed, which results in a stressed kid.  If I didn't have the help of those professionals, I wouldn't hesitate to use the school guidance counselor even just to get some ideas.  This is their area of specialty!!

Luckystar2

I just wanted to update because I love Dd's teacher! The rest of the week she was on green. Friday she came home with a "book" that her teacher made for her. It was all about how dd knows the right times to talk and listen and had pictures of her and different things like playground (Dd knows she can talk on the playground). He had pictures of Frozen with anna and elsa telling her she can do it. She was so excited to read her book to us when she got home.

I'm really impressed that he took extra time to come up with a creative way to get the message to dd. Bonus points for using frozen!

amyjoy18

Wow!  That is an example of a teacher who is going above and beyond.  Glad to hear that your DD has a teacher who is so in tune!