Heavy Sleeper

longislandpony

Does anyone have a SO who sleeps through anything? My fiancé gets phone calls in the middle of the night to work overtime and he NEVER hears the phone ring. Instead, I wake up and my sleep is ruined. How do you get your SO awake and answering his own phone?! He also NEVER hears his alarm clock(again, it falls to me waking him up). And I can't just nudge him awake. It takes a lot to get him up. And I can't just fall back asleep so I'm then exhausted the next day. Any gadgets you know of or advice??

TarponMonoxide

longislandpony said:

Does anyone have a SO who sleeps through anything? My fiancé gets phone calls in the middle of the night to work overtime and he NEVER hears the phone ring. Instead, I wake up and my sleep is ruined. How do you get your SO awake and answering his own phone?! He also NEVER hears his alarm clock(again, it falls to me waking him up). And I can't just nudge him awake. It takes a lot to get him up. And I can't just fall back asleep so I'm then exhausted the next day. Any gadgets you know of or advice??

He needs to looki into seeing a sleep disorder specialtist --- there are sleep clinics, usually located on the ampuses of major medical centers. Look into one asap.

As tempting as it is to wake him: don't do it.

Why?

One, it's not your responsibility and 2, you shouldn't be acting like you are his mother. It's going to be an imbalance in your relationship if you insist on waking him up.

nurse714

@TarponMonoxide  

Why shouldn't she wake her husband up? If he looses his job, that will affect their family. I think they should work on fixing this problem but in the mean time, she shouldn't purposely let him over sleep because he is having difficulty waking up on his own. 

artbyallie

How did he get to work on time before you lived together? Please don't tell me his mommy woke him up. I would honestly not marry someone who can't be responsible for their own damn schedule.

bekt14

My DH is a very heavy sleeper as well. I always say that if someone broke in to our house at night, I would die because he would sleep through the entire thing. 

When I was in college I was also a heavy sleeper and my roommate had to wake me up every morning. I would set 7 alarms, and sleep through every one. After college I was able to go to bed earlier and get more sleep. I found that with sleeping more, I was in a lighter phase of sleep by the time morning came, and I would wake up naturally on time. Maybe your SO isn't getting enough sleep at night. Can he try going to be earlier in the evenings?

OtterJ

Are you able to wake up in time for work without the aid of an alarm?  Because if so, could you sleep with ear plugs so you don't hear his phone/alarm?

Having to wake your husband up in the morning isn't that big of a deal, especially if you can make the decision to start your day when he has to start his - then you'll have to be up anyway.  To make it easier for him to wake up when he needs to, he can schedule when he goes to sleep & wakes up so his alarm goes off while he is in a lighter sleep cycle.  It might be worth it to go to a sleep clinic, and have them time his REM cycles so he knows how long they last, and can guess where his lighter cycles will fall.  I have seen alarm clocks that use light.  They slowly light up the room, so you wake up naturally during your lighter sleep cycles.  They can be expensive, but it might be worth the investment if it continues to be a problem. 

If he isn't going to wake up in the middle of the night to answer his phone and take work calls, then he needs to make the decision to turn the ringer off at night.  Not only do you need to have your sleep uninterrupted, but really, he needs his sleep too.  If declining to work overtime in the middle of the night is an option, It might be best for the situation. 

My husband and I aren't exactly on the same sleep schedule (he needs far less sleep than I do).  We're both light sleepers, but also we both enjoy getting up very slowly in the morning.  We take turns helping the other wake up in the morning, and often wake the other up in the middle of the night (mostly on accident). It's the cost of sleeping next to someone. 

If you're not able to find a solution at all, you can always try "his" and "hers" bedrooms.  It doesn't seem like the best option, but I know couples who do it, and who prefer it.

chrisnjay05212010

I bought an alarm clock (on amazon) for heavy sleepers. My husband has sleep apnea and sleeps with a cpap machine.  I am a light sleeper so i hear everything.  I usually give him a few seconds to respond to his alarm clock  and if he doesnt i nudge him awake.   Since im a light sleeper im used to waking up frequently, i dont think its a big deal to nudge him if he needs it.

purplesky001

OK, Slightly unusual solution from me. Could you sleep in separate rooms? When we bought our house, we made sure there was enough space for two beds (I even spent most of the last six months in our one-bed flat sleeping on the couch).

My partner and I have totally different sleep schedules, need different amounts of sleep, have a different amount of time required to fall asleep. He also wakes really easily and finds it difficult to go back.

He is also a bit of a bear with a sore head if he doesn't get enough the night before, whereas I can go for a week or more before starting to get grumpy. It doesn't really solve the problem of him not waking up to sound, but it would solve/mitigate your sleep deprivation. But maybe a vibrate function or different ringtone would do it, since he wouldn't have to consider your sleep deprivation/disturbance?

Maybe have an arrangement to sleep together on the weekend (like we sometimes do)?

NoneForUs

I don't see what's wrong with waking your partner if he/she has a hard time getting up. Some people are heavy sleepers and they have difficulty awakening. 

I am the heavy sleeper in our marriage. However, I handle it myself by setting two alarms. My husband will often call me to make sure I am out of bed when I am adjusting to a new schedule. I appreciate this courtesy because it shows how helpful he is. 

You can try having your husband set an alarm on his phone, as well as using an alarm clock. Make sure you put them in a place where he has to get out of bed to turn them off. Separate bedrooms are also an option and not as uncommon as people think. 

dutchgirl76

If he snores I would have him talk to his doctor. My husband was just diagnosed with sleep apnena (SP)  too and the c-pap is helping (at least helping me sleep!) 

Your husband might need more sleep, I've gone through periods where I don't sleep enough and then sleep 12 hours on weekends and need long naps in the day to catch up. It's not healthy. I don't work out as much as I should but I do at least try to cut back on coffee, especially later in the day so I'll get tired earlier in the night. 

 If your room is too dark, perhaps try having him sleep in a room where you get a lot of sunlight in the morning. I find the wintertime is a lot harder for me to get up even after 8+ hours of sleep because the sun isn't out. He could talk to his doctor about a sun lamp too, people with seasonal depression rave about them.

ab6704a

Talking to his doctor about sleep apnea is probably a good idea, but I highly suggest retreating a spare bedroom if you can.  DH and I are totally incompatible sleepers so we sleep separately and we are both able to get a full night of good rest because of it.