I don't want to go to work tomorrow

jjbmstinco

On Friday  I have just had it.

  I have been a school counselor for going on 3 years.  The first 2 years were me against the staff.  I cried a lot my first year.  2nd year got better but still a lot of turmoil.  Then shit hit the fan when the MLO didn't pass and I had to fight for my job.  Saved it for again this year! WOOT!  Started in Aug and loom and gloom was over our entire district. But the bright spot-staff bonding was happening because everyone is so miserable. 

Well my boss and I have been super close. We have had to be.  IDK what the hell happened but we can't stand each other.  So Friday she asks why I wasn't at the budget meeting on Tuesday.  "All the other counselors were there, and why weren't you?" UMmm what?  I have been at 3 of the meetings and it the same presentation.  EXACT SAME.  Why would I go to the other 3?  She made me feel like shit. I can't do this anymore. At least when it was me vs staff, I had support from her.  

The day ended with me crying in my room with the door closed.  I believe that it can be damaging to leave mid year, but I am not sure I can make it for the rest of the year. 

Sigh, I am sorry for the vent.  I am just so frustrated! I thought I would get past it like I usually do, but I have gut wrenching knots in my stomach because I have to go back tomorrow.  

Penguin129

I'm so sorry you are having trouble at your job still. Are there any schools hiring?

You can recover from leaving a school mid-year, I've done it. You should't have to deal with this much stress at work. I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

jjbmstinco

I don't want to leave mid year.  It really does mess with the kid's heads, and I have seen it first hand.  Plus with us being TTC, I want to make sure I have something lined up in case.

J's district might be hiring but not until next year.  I am just going to have to wait it out. We vote on the MLO in 23 days. If we get it, I think the year as the potential to go fairly well.  If it doesn't, I am in for a long road ahead of me.  

I often wonder if I am just being too sensitive because I am tired.  Maybe I am overracting.  I can't tell. 

one2andnow3

I am sorry Jen. I am sure it will blow over and you will get through. Maybe she had a bad day and took it out on you... Which is still not ok.

ImperiumWife

I'm sorry Jen. I don't know what to say other than I hope you are surviving today, and the vote goes well. I will be thinking of you and sending you positive thoughts. 

jjbmstinco

Thanks.

Today went ok.  We had another home visit and she seemed "back to normal".  I wonder if this is an indicator of what my year will be like.  She was PG most my first year and was fine. Maybe the 2nd one makes you a bitch?  IDK. I spend all weekend trying to think of things I did to make her upset. Didn't come up with anything.

oh well.  

Thanks for your thoughts everyone.  

Penguin129

I'm glad today went better for you.

Jean9ds

Aww I'm sorry you're having a rough time. But I'm glad today was better! I hope she was just having a really bad day so it won't be an on going thing

jtmh2012

I don't want to go to work today either.....:(

ImperiumWife

Here, to make you feel better.. 

Hippos! 

jjbmstinco

Awww thanks!

Today was another terrible day.  I am not sure if work is going to have to send me to therapy but IDK what to do anymore. 

BREATH!  HIPPOS!

jjbmstinco

Well shit hit the fan again.  I got pulled into her office yesterday and she yelled at me for giving her the cold shoulder.  Which I did because she was doing it to me.  I thought she had stuff going on in her personal life.  But she took it a step further and said maybe I was jelous of her pregnancy.  She also said I wasn't dependable because she doesn't know if today was going to be a "hot day" or a "cold day" WTF that means.  Now I have to figure out how to change my body language and my attitude? 

I have been crying for 2 days.  It ruined my time with my friend. 

Jean9ds

She seriously said that you maybe be "jealous of her pregnancy?" That's too far...

jjbmstinco

Thank you for saying. Everyone is saying that.

I am so numb.  I have to some how learn to fake it at work. 

Jean9ds

Is there anyone above her that you can talk to you about the encounter?

Am12712

Based on that horrible horrible comment youneed to report her to HR. Saying something like that is complete harassment and so low.

I know reporting her may make things more uncomfortable for you but it needs to be done.

I seriously want to find her and give her one hell of a what for. She is a complete bitch and is lucky this particular friend of yours doesn't live in the same state.

I am so so sorry Jen.

jjbmstinco

no one that I feel comfortable enough. Plus with my job on the line, I can't risk creating drama.  Everyone is asking if I am ok.  I keep telling them no, I am not.  IDK what is going on.  I have caing thoughts in my head that she is going to fire me next year.  I can't talk to her about because that is why she is mad at me, I am too negative. 

jjbmstinco

I have thought about admitting that I am jealous and then maybe she would just drop the whole thing. 

Am12712

She wont. She clearly wants you out and is going to make your life miserable until you are gone. I'm willing to bet you're not the first she has done this too.

jjbmstinco

That scares me so much.  I didn't do anything?  I specifically asked if she felt like my work suffered. She said no.  I asked if I had ever been unprofessional to her or others.  She said no.  

SO.......this is personal?

Am12712

It's possible. Perhaps she is intimidated by you. Have you straight up asked her what her deal is?

jjbmstinco

I tried. She said that she was giving me the cold shoulder because I was doing it to her.  (petty!)

Penguin129

I agree with Am. You need to let someone know how she is acting toward you. It sounds like working with her is turning into a hostile work environment. I've been through something similar before and waited too long to tell someone. You don't deserve to be treated like this at all. She was way out of line on the comment she made about you being jealous. She sounds miserable.

ImperiumWife

This is far from uncommon in schools. Principals pick their favorites, and do things to make life miserable for others. I've seen it happen at least twice in my career. And that's only two years. The way I look at it, you have three choices. One: you speak out for yourself. (I get it. You don't want to. I hate doing things like this too.) Two: you quit. Three: you stick it out until the end of the year. They all come with a helping of looking for another job. I know you don't want to do it to the kids, but you have to be stable yourself to be a good counselor. But I'm going to be honest when I say that my friend went through a very similar thing, and did end up getting let go. And I'm not saying she was right by any means, actually, that's one of the most horrible things anyone could ever say considering your situation, but she is your boss, and that makes all of this 20 times worse, because every time I've seen this happen, admin always sides with the principal. I know it's not what you want to hear at all, and I don't want to make you feel worse, but I want you to be prepared, and to make your transition easier. I don't know her, but I wouldn't be surprised if this is her answer to not having you around next year.

But I do agree. As scary as it is, you need to speak out. You need to at least let someone know she is doing it, because it's the right thing to do, and that's what's really best for the kids. An adult role model that does the right thing.

And I appologize for rambling. I'm still half asleep.

one2andnow3

Inappropriate. Jen I have no advice that pps haven't already said. Just that I am always thinking of you.

jjbmstinco

you all have me really scared that I am going to get fired.  I think I have another job lined but but it would crush me to hear that I am fired.

Today...she seemed normal  I think this is going to be a roller coster.

shellyamf

Ahhh, I've been away from the board too long!!  Jen, huge hugs!!!!  I have to agree with what others have said that it sounds like she is picking on you and thing might not go well.  But I know you will pull through.  I also think she is being very unprofessional and if there is anyone you can talk to above her that you should.  I really hope that she can be more professional at work. 

ImperiumWife

I'm sorry I scared you. I just wanted to make sure you are in a good place. I'm glad that she seemed better. 

jjbmstinco

Its really hit or miss with her.  Its ok that you scared me.  It isn't that I wouldn't have a job lined up. I do.  Community mental health needs me.  Its that I would be so crushed if I was fired.  I played the help me card last night and hoping that will boost her thoughts about me.  Since she believe it takes a big person to ask for help.  I am thinking about writing her a note this weekend and apologizing for the mis-communication and blame it on my lack of balance and personal life.  Thoughts?  It isn't really true, but make its a sign to make amends?

J thinks I shouldn't because it opens up the door to her seeing a weakness.  I think I should to just try to put it in the past.  I am leaving anyways but I want to leave on good terms. Maybe do it verbally?

shellyamf

I can see both sides of writing her the note. If you really think it will help you get through the year and are for sure leaving then I think you should. But otherwise I would wait and see how things continue to go. You could always write the note at a later point.

jjbmstinco

Michelle-I think you are smart.  I am going to take your advice and just wait it out.  I will be faking it.

9 days until we vote.