Unconditional love.. comment DH made upset me.

runner76

Idk maybe I am overly sensitive but this made me think and kinda hurt. We were talking to my 8 year old. MH is her step father.. she is having a hard time with her dad dating.. (she is daddys little girl) so mh said daddy could never love her the way he loves you.. he said have you ever heard of unconditional love?  that is different with a child. He said that with a child it is unconditional love..  idk why this bothered me but should you not love your partner unconditionally as well??

RosieC18

No, I don't think they should. My love for my H is conditional on him remaining a generally decent person. Not perfect, but still of overall good character. So if he were to hit me or a hypothetical child, he would no longer be entitled to my love. I'm not judging people who stay with their partners after a violent incident when I say that, I just mean that it would be evidence of such a fundamental change in character that I don't think I would love him anymore. Same if he shot up his workplace or kicked a dog.

I think it's healthy to have some baseline of "conditions" on your relationship. We all deserve a certain level of respect, communication and effort to be worthy of our commitment (and we owe our partners the same). If love is unconditional then it becomes too easy to let those things slide. Some things are just a bridge too far and by recognizing what those are for you, you are able to stand up for your needs in a relationship. It doesn't have to be as dramatic as above, either. It can be faithfulness, civility, empathy. There are just some things I will not put up with, and some behaviors that would make me fall out of love, and I think that reflects the respect I have for myself.

nurse714

When I think of unconditional love, I think of how God loves us or how a parent loves a child. There are conditions on my husband receiving my love. 

englishtrish1

I have an acquaintance whose son murdered a woman, she accepts he did this, accepts he should be in jail but still loves him unconditionally. His wife filed for divorce very shortly after he was charged. She told my acquaintance that he wasn't the man she loved anymore. This is a pretty extreme example but to me illustrates it perfectly.

BlueBirdMB

I think a love for a child is 100% unconditional.  Does a parent ever fall out of love with their child regardless of their child's actions?  No they don't.  But people fall out of love with their spouses all the time and I think it's healthy to have conditions for love between spouses.

Tofumonkey

Well, I think your husband actually handled this pretty well.

The love of a parent for their child is unconditional (well, it should be). But for a spouse it often isn't. He's relating it directly to her - didn't your love for her father turn out to be conditional and vice versa?

He is putting this into terms that an 8 year old can understand. And as you are no longer in an unconditionally loving relationship with her father... well.. how else would you explain it to her?

VOR

Tofumonkey said:

And as you are no longer in an unconditionally loving relationship with her father... well.. how else would you explain it to her?

Yup.

I agree with what every one has said. 

tseguin

I think your husband now handled it very well and it melted my heart what he said to her.  He could have been childish and bashed your ex in front of her as I know many do.   I think it is great and you are being way too sensitive and reading too much into it.  The love for a significant other is completely different than the love for a child.  I find it hard to believe with her being your daughter that you are even having an issue with this comment.  Is there another underlying issue why this comment may be upsetting you?

chrisnjay05212010

BlueBirdMB said:

I think a love for a child is 100% unconditional.  Does a parent ever fall out of love with their child regardless of their child's actions?  No they don't.  But people fall out of love with their spouses all the time and I think it's healthy to have conditions for love between spouses.

exactly my thoughts!!