To hyphenate or not

kthowell

Hello ladies!!
After two years of marriage I am ready to change my name . I don't know if I should hyphenate or just change it!! What did you ladies do??

OtterJ

Do whatever you feel comfortable with, and don't worry about what other people want/expect you to do.

I completely changed to my husband's name, but his name was already hyphenated.  He didn't expect me to take his full last name, because it's long and difficult, but taking my husband's last name was always something that I wanted to do. 

Be aware ahead of time, if you hyphenate, not all businesses have the ability to use hyphens in their system.  For example, in my bank, I have two different accounts, and my last name was updated in their system by two different people.  On one account, the two parts of my last name are separated by a space, and on the other account, the two parts of my last name are not separated at all.  You'd think they would have at least made them uniform, but apparently that was too difficult for them.  At an auto repair shop, I saw the attendant put in an apostrophe instead of a hyphen (maybe he didn't know what the punctuation marks were called?). 

Not really annoyances, but it can sometimes make it difficult for them to look up your name again later since it won't be uniform.  We have to sometimes give them several different suggestions of what to look up.  If you're a patient person, it won't be a problem.

kthowell

Thank you.... I'm really stuck. My husband doesn't care either way. I just need to make my mind up by Thursday.

als1982

I moved my maiden to the middle, and got rid of my former middle name.  That way, I include all three sans hypen for professional purposes, but go by his last name socially. 

ETA:  Why do you have the deadline of Thursday?

chrisnjay05212010

i took my DH's name completely.  It was something i always wanted to do. For me, it made me feel like a family unit.  It also helped that my maiden name was complicated, my DH's name is somewhat difficult but nothing like my maiden name was.  

Do whatever makes YOU most comfortable!

nurse714

Since your husband doesn't care, do whatever you feel. I took my husband's last name because it signified us becoming one. 

kthowell

I'm off on Thursday. Lol free day to change everything

SheMarie82

I have lived my life with a hyphen and I HATE it for two reasons.  The first is that you can never find a reservation, file, or anything else because they don't know which name it is under or if a hyphen can be used in the system.  The second is that my older sister/mom have the one last name, my two younger siblings/dad have the other last name.  I am the ONLY one with a combined last name, and I have never liked that. 

I cannot wait to be able to legally change my last name to my wife's, because I like it, and because I want our family unit to have one signular name.

But, you should do whatever feels right for the two of you.  I have friends that say that they wished they had kept their maiden names or hyphenated, others don't mind taking their spouses at all.  I have one set of friends that both changed their name to a combination of the two.

dutchgirl76

I never changed my name and I'm very happy after 4 years of marriage. If you've had your maiden name for 2 years, are you sure you really want to change it now? If you don't mind me asking, is there a reason why you waited?

As PP's have said do whatever YOU feel comfortable with. I know many women who moved their maiden name to their middle name if they changed to their husband's name. I didn't want to hyphenate because I think it's a pain and I wasn't going to go by my husband's name professionally. Do you have clients who only know you by your maiden name or any publications with your maiden name? I know that usually helps make the decision easier.

Finally, if you want children, have you thought about what name your children will have? Will they have a hyphenated name?

dutchgirl76

I also don't mean to get in your business, I guess you should just ask yourself those questions like what last name your child would have if you wish to have them. It's 100% your decision to change or not.

GilliC

kthowell said:

I'm off on Thursday. Lol free day to change everything

You won't be able to change everything in a day. It's amazing how hard some things can be! When I changed my name I had to send a scanned copy of an official document or ID to Facebook of all places! Let alone the banks. PayPal and my frequent flyer accounts were actually the hardest at the time.

Honestly, if I had known what a huge administrative hassle it was going to be, I wouldn't have done it. And I was originally eager to change it.

dutchgirl76

EVERYTHING has to be changed too. Student loans, credit cards, cable and utility companies they all have to know your new name. I think they make name change kits, not sure if they're designed to grab all the random accounts (i.e. an old 401K you had 10 years ago at an old job) you forget.

OtterJ

My understanding is that name change kits aren't very helpful.  They charge you for forms that you can get yourself for free, but you still have to fill them out, send them off, and you are still the one who has to remember and contact all of those old, forgotten accounts. 

It doesn't all have to be changed in the same day.  Start with the most important ones:  Social Security, and Drivers License.  Then work down the list according to how important they are.  Bank, employer (who may help change your name with retirement accounts/insurance), credit cards (and with your credit cards - any accounts that use automatic billing might need your billing information updated), utilities, etc.  Other things, like your doctor's office, or the library, you can update the next time you visit. 

I took a day off, and went to the DMV, social security office, and my bank.  Everything else I did online, over the phone, or via mail.  After a year and a half, I still need to change my name with my electric company (that one, I have to fax).  They continue to give me service, and take my checks, so their outdated information hasn't caused any problem. 

You can find free checklists online to help get you started, and keep organized with who you need to contact next. 

kayla2536

My last name is legally hyphenated. It's a bit of a PITA but I think it was important to me to keep my "pre-marriage" identity that I had for 22 years of my life. And I really like my maiden name!

Socially I go by just my husband's last name (Mrs. ______) because I do like the idea of having the same last name. Our kids will be his last name. Who knows, maybe one day I'll legally change it to just his name but I'm not ready to just yet!