Why push the no baby issue?

dutchgirl76

Do you find that people push you if you say you're not having a child? Is this a common thing? I feel like I"m still getting a lot of kick back (co-workers, my husband's family) when I've stated clearly and given "reasons" not to have a child. I get a lot of "so you're REALLY not having a child?!?" "oh you'll change your mind" comments. It's just annoying, why can't people let it go. Fine IL's want grandchild but co-workers, friends, shouldn't they know your personality enough to get that you're serious? Even if they don't why is it their business? How do you make the comments stop when you've said many, many times "I'm not having a child thanks"? 

I guess it just gets frustrating, anyone else have this issue?

chrisnjay05212010

I constantly have this issue!  I haven't found a way to stop it yet.  Its infuriating that people just cant respect my opinion for what it is. 

housewifehobbyist

This is always so odd to me! I want children, though not yet, but have two very close girlfriends (one married, one engaged) who don't want kids.  Not interested.  They're both smart, cool, confident women in their mid-to-late 20's.  I trust that they know their feelings, and I would never insist someone who doesn't want kids have them, or insinuate that I know someone's mind better than they do.  I have also have friends who have always wanted kids, love kids, love THEIR kids, and are still driven half crazy by them sometimes!  Wishing children on adults who don't want them is as cruel as wishing parents that never REALLY wanted kids on a child.  It's a huge commitment, it's not getting a hair cut.

Cindy41710

I don't have it as much anymore.  Being 42 and 46 years old now, married 5 years and SD being in high school I think our families know now that we don't plan on having a kid, ever.  For awhile aunts, uncles, cousins & friends made their comments and I told them we don't want them, end of story.  It's subsided quite a bit.

Let me just add, a former friend once said "why get married if you're not going to have kids?"  Really?  My first instict was to say "just because you and your family find it mandatory, it doesn't mean that people should be alone if they can't have any, or if they simply don't want to."  But instead I took the high road and simply told her it's a choice, not a requirement.

dutchgirl76

My MIL used to tell me "you don't have to be married to have children" 1. because my husband and I dated for what she and I considered a "long (more than 3 years) time and 2. you have to have kids to do anything with your life. I was quite taken aback with this since I was raised in a religious home where you don't live together or get have children until you're married. I understand people have different faith and DH and I did live together pre-marriage but still have some respect for other lifestyles lady!

short+sassy

Cindy41710 said:

I don't have it as much anymore.  Being 42 and 46 years old now, married 5 years and SD being in high school I think our families know now that we don't plan on having a kid, ever.  For awhile aunts, uncles, cousins & friends made their comments and I told them we don't want them, end of story.  It's subsided quite a bit.

Let me just add, a former friend once said "why get married if you're not going to have kids?"  Really?  My first instict was to say "just because you and your family find it mandatory, it doesn't mean that people should be alone if they can't have any, or if they simply don't want to."  But instead I took the high road and simply told her it's a choice, not a requirement.

I asked a friend of mine, who is ardently against same gender marriages, to outline for me a single reason this should be illegal that is NOT religiously based.  It was a friendly, not heated, conversation.  I reminded him first and got his agreement that freedom of religion, including separation of church and state, is a basic and important right .

 Do you know he actually used the argument that marriage should be for having children and same sex couples can't have children?  So then I ask if that means infertile couples should have their marriages annulled?  And should women past the age of menopause no longer be allowed to marry?  For menopausal married women, does that mean their 20,30 marriages should end at that point? 

Needless to say, he started doing some serious backtracking when I pointed out how ridiculous that premise is, lol.  But, alas, I don't think I changed his mind.  (Sigh) I hope I at least expanded it.  

Cindy41710

short+sassy said:

Cindy41710 said:

I don't have it as much anymore.  Being 42 and 46 years old now, married 5 years and SD being in high school I think our families know now that we don't plan on having a kid, ever.  For awhile aunts, uncles, cousins & friends made their comments and I told them we don't want them, end of story.  It's subsided quite a bit.

Let me just add, a former friend once said "why get married if you're not going to have kids?"  Really?  My first instict was to say "just because you and your family find it mandatory, it doesn't mean that people should be alone if they can't have any, or if they simply don't want to."  But instead I took the high road and simply told her it's a choice, not a requirement.

 Do you know he actually used the argument that marriage should be for having children and same sex couples can't have children?  So then I ask if that means infertile couples should have their marriages annulled?  And should women past the age of menopause no longer be allowed to marry?  For menopausal married women, does that mean their 20,30 marriages should end at that point? 

  

See, other people get it.  I like where you went with that.  Those friends' statements were of pure ignorance.