need help//

jenilafur

My husband and I recently got married... We have been living together for a quite a while. Due to financial circumstances we moved in with my fil. Technically my husband owns 1/3 of the house too.. its complicated.. My husband was in a car accident 3 years ago and he is currently recieving loss of wages for it. I work right now, my fil works right now. But i am the only one who cleans. I just get so frustrated. I clean at least twice a week,  do the laundry, dishes, etc. It doesn't seem fair to me. And I'm sorry about complaining here, but i just needed to vent. I cant talk to my husband about it because he has a very very short temper and he would probably freak out.

van01

So what does your husband do all day if he is not working?  3 years off for an accident -that's a very long time. Cleaning twice a week does not seem to bad, is someone else cleaning the other days or just leaving it all for you? Can your husband physically clean?  Since he has been off work for so long due to the accident I am assuming he was quite injured. 

As for the very very short temper - in my house that would equal a very very fast kick in the balls. hes a grown act like it.  Counseling is in order to deal with that. 

As for technically owing 1/3 of the house - what does the deed say? if his name is not on it then he does not own anything.

BlueBirdMB

jenilafur said:

My husband and I recently got married... We have been living together for a quite a while. Due to financial circumstances we moved in with my fil. Technically my husband owns 1/3 of the house too.. its complicated.. My husband was in a car accident 3 years ago and he is currently recieving loss of wages for it. I work right now, my fil works right now. But i am the only one who cleans. I just get so frustrated. I clean at least twice a week,  do the laundry, dishes, etc. It doesn't seem fair to me. And I'm sorry about complaining here, but i just needed to vent. I cant talk to my husband about it because he has a very very short temper and he would probably freak out.

This doesn't sound healthy.  You can't explain to him that after working all day, you are too tired to do all the house work and you think it's fair that everyone pitch in, particularly the person who is home all day?

OtterJ

When big changes need to happen, it's okay to ruffle a few feathers while schedules/work loads get readjusted. 

It's possible to bring up the subject directly, honestly, and nicely.  If he get's upset, that's his fault, not yours.  If he really has that short of a temper, you might need to talk to him about more than just the cleaning schedule - get him in some anger management classes or counseling.  Between 3 adults, I'm sure that a cleaning schedule, a reallocation of responsibilities, or a honey-do list can be worked out.  Give each man a chance to give input in whatever system is created - it will make the transition easier, and raise the chances of them accepting responsibility over areas that they're better at handling.

If you sit them down, and start talking about it, it is possible that you could realize that they are taking care of other matters that you don't see, or maybe they just aren't good at figuring out what needs to be cleaned, and they need to be given lists and instructions before they can get started.