Relationships
mrsdinger
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Passive Aggressive SIL
Hello friends! I am really stuck on this situation that is going nowhere fast. My husband and I have been married for 2 years, but have been together for over 4 years before marriage. My problem is his sister. Prior to our wedding, we got along and things were civil. However a year before our wedding, things started to unravel. Since being married, she has yelled at me in front of his entire family at my husband's 40th birthday party dinner saying that I did not want their mother to come to our house ever, which was not the case at all. Instead, we just moved in and there were boxes everywhere and I thought it would be better going to a restaurant since his mother has mobility issues, until we were settled into our house. A few months later, I hosted Thanksgiving at our house and invited my family and his and she was a no-call-no-show. I had to find out through Facebook that she was not planning on coming; and, I had factored her family into my planning when grocery shopping for the meal. The next year on my husband's birthday, I said that at our house we do not have cell phones at the dinner table and he needed to communicate this with his sister as well - specifically towards his nieces. Needless to say, on his birthday - which she RSVP'd to - , she was a no-call/no-show on his birthday and my husband was crying and visibly upset over her behavior. She never called to apologize. Instead, she called their dad to say that she was not coming. I had this party catered, so again more food ordered than necessary. She knows I do not like pumpkin but for Christmas bought me pumpkin flavored coffee and pumpkin scented candles.
Any opportunity she has, she will make inappropriate jabs about how my husband spends time with my family. She habitually antagonizes me and is always disrespectful towards me. I seriously get anxiety attacks knowing that I have to spend time with her because I have to be on eggshells. I have found that for my sanity, I have to remove myself from situations/events where she will be. She has never once apologized for her behavior or snide comments. However, one time I did not thank her enough for something, which I my husband knew I did.
I have asked my husband several times that I would like to resolve this situation and I think he needs to help with it. However, he is extremely non-confrontational and does not want to ruffle any feathers with his sister. I just feel that if something is not said about how she treats me, nothing is going to change.
Am I wrong to just sever the ties with her and just do what I need to do for me? I have asked my husband several times over the course of our marriage to talk to her about how she treats me and nothing. Sometimes he will defend her and tell me that I am over reacting. HELP! What would you do in this situation?
Re: Passive Aggressive SIL
Beyond that, keep your distance and don't engage with her. Be cordial and polite, but don't invite anything closer. And try not to let things she says or does get to you.
I agree, just invite her out of courtesy but don't expect her to come and tell hubby and focus your time on who does come to spend time with you. And make sure to tell hubby, it would be nice if your sister would come and I get that it hurts not to have her here, but we can't force her to show up, let's just focus on the wonderful people who made the time to share this day with us.
I wouldn't persue her about invites to see if she is coming, wait for her to call to RSVP.
As long as your DH sits in the corner and cries over his ass of a sister and refuses to back you up, this problem will never, ever go away.