Tacky or Helpful (Christmas Lists)

psychgalbride

When relatives ask you what to buy for the kids:  do you send them a link to the exact item you would like them to purchase or give a general idea:  a baby doll, toy truck, board games.  

My husband and I differ greatly on our opinion on this topic and I'd love to hear your thoughts.  

lala5507

It depends.  If there is something specific that is wanted but didn't make the mom and dad cut (hey we can't buy it all) I will give that specific gift to someone.  But if it's something more general like a leappad game or a craft, I will just throw out the general idea.  So, I guess I do both. 

egpitt22

It depends on the person.  I've learned through the years that both sets of grandparents would prefer lists with links to actual products.  If I don't send that, they just ask me a hundred questions and I end up sending it to them anyway   I also give some general suggestions, but if they really want to buy them something off of the kids actual "wish list" then I send them the link.

For aunts and uncles, if they ask, I tell them what the kids are into or enjoying playing with and leave it at that.  The only other person who buys for my kids is my BFF and she and I always discuss ahead of time what we're getting each others kids....some years, it's more general suggestions, other times, we've talked through exact items to let each other know ahead of time (this year we're giving each other family outing gift cards to a museum or the movie theater or something like that...which I'm super excited about....LESS TOYS, WOOHOO!)

gwennythepooh

Depends on the family member. Grandparents, aunts/uncles (i.e. my brother - his sister) - I send a list with links to make it easy on them. They've all said they greatly appreciate this. Extended family (great aunts/cousins) I usually just say clothes in a specific size and leave it at that. 

waltsgirl102503

I'm with the consensus.  If it's a close relative, I'll give more specific information "He wants the X game for the wii".  Others I just say "oh he's in to ninja turtles now.  And he really likes to play board games".  

egpitt22

Oh, and I have to say as someone who asks for gift advice from other people, I really appreciate it when people give me ideas.  A lot of times when I RSVP for a bday party, I will ask the mom what the kid is into or what he needs and I always appreciate it when they give me suggestions...makes my life a whole lot easier!

AmandaJLewis

I send links to family if they ask for help in buying a gift for Eleni. But I try to offer a few items at different price points too.  And some things she is into like Lego Friends building blocks, I would want to make sure it wasn't one she already had.

sundaygirl

Depends on the family member and their buying habits.  Some want specifics, some don't.  I keep an Amazon wish list for my kid (started mostly so *I* could keep track of things I was interested in getting for him) and refer people to that.  They can use it for ideas or purchase specific items directly from it. 

psychgalbride

Would you take offense if you ask for ideas and get specific:  buy this for each kid? Not even a full list to pick from.  Just buy this for ____ and this for _______. I just think it takes all the fun out of it.  I can totally understand some people would want actual links- grandparents, those who would have no idea what is age appropriate but for a fellow mom with young children it just feels tacky.  I might as well just send them a check and have them buy it themselves.  Bla.

4EvR&4AlWz

For close family members (our sisters, parents, grandparents), we give exact ideas (unless they present their idea first) in varying price ranges and I ask them to let me know what they are thinking and what they get.  As for grandparents, etc, sometimes, I even buy the gift for them to give as it's too difficult if you can't send the exact link to send them to the store to buy X doll, Y dress, etc because it's too confusing.  I did suggest to a family member to buy a spirograph last year....spirograph....exact brand name provided and well the imaginarium knockoff was there instead (no offense but it broke in a week...so I went out and got the spirograph and it's still going strong).

I like to know exactly what the kids are getting as I do not want a Christmas Morning fail by having the same gift under the tree.  We also do an amazon wish list for general things or recommend gift cards for places we frequent (Science Center, Zoo, etc).

If I do not know what it is, my kids do not get to open it before Christmas as we had a friend who learned the hard way when grandma wanted to be grandma of the year and got the hot toy item that was at the top of Santa's list (and it wasn't even a crazy gift but it was the 1 thing my friend's daughter had wanted).  Let's just say when you get a call Christmas Eve asking if we have anything remotely able to top it, we had an extra iPad that could serve as an emergency gift.

DHs and our friends, that's a different story as we tend to get movie passes, gift cards for Brusters/museums, etc or tend to get things like clothes, outfits, that Frozen shirt that mommy/daddy wouldn't buy for them, etc.

Meghan&Rich

Yes, we give ideas ranging from specific to general. My boys are the only kids in the family, so I need to keep the grandparents under control. We do the same for friends. I know I appreciate some guidance when buying for other kids. I don't care if I know what they're getting beforehand, watching the kids be surprised is what's fun.

waltsgirl102503

psychgalbride said:

Would you take offense if you ask for ideas and get specific:  buy this for each kid? Not even a full list to pick from.  Just buy this for ____ and this for _______. I just think it takes all the fun out of it.  I can totally understand some people would want actual links- grandparents, those who would have no idea what is age appropriate but for a fellow mom with young children it just feels tacky.  I might as well just send them a check and have them buy it themselves.  Bla.

I think it really depends on the situation.  I know that you are a shopper - so I can see where having someone tell you to buy this one specific item would take all of the fun out of it for you.  And I'll be honest, it's a gift.  So if you don't want to stick to their list, then don't.  You don't HAVE to buy them anything...so technically they should be happy and appreciative with whatever it is that they receive.  

Luckystar2

I agree with most of the others that we do specific and general if people ask depending on who it is. I've given people specific links, but I don't say just get this. I usually will say, dd would really like these and give a few links of different things. I think most people who ask want the suggestions so I don't see a problem with giving specifics. It's up to them to use the suggestion or not. It's not like we are saying buy this or don't bother bringing a present at all!

kris356

I am on the other side as the aunt. 

I like a general idea or something they really want but it just not in my siblings' budget or they just don't think they "need'. Hey isn't that what aunts are for :P  But there is something they really want or need, I like to know. And if it is pricey, I can always go in with one of my other siblings. I do always clear things with my siblings though so I don't step on any toes.

With my older nephew, I definitely always ask my sister if I am buying him legos because he has so many I don't know what he has. I also have issues that his birthday is on the 20th and it is a much bigger deal than Christmas to him. This year he is getting gift cards for the movie and new Lego sheets.

With my niece, I asked my mom. My sister's house is small, and my niece is only 6 months and my nephew is only a month old. I am probably going to get them both a really nice piggy bank and maybe a custom print for their rooms from House15143. I would also like to start an ornament for them. My mom did this when we were growing up and when we moved into our first house we got all of our ornaments for our own tree.

egpitt22

as far as duplicating gifts, when I send the wish list to the grandparents, I also include any major things that I already got the kids or that they will be getting in an effort to avoid that.  I don't do that for every single thing (if they get 2 of the same puzzle or lego set that's not the end of the world, we just return them, it's happened) but for something major, I send it out with the list.

kris356

Oh, if it was a major thing I would definitely run it past my siblings and my parents always ask when buying something major, like when they bought my nephew an iPad and last year when they bought him a tv.

sarahandtim

My cousin gives me a list of ideas ranging from general to specific and just asks that I tell her what I'm thinking of getting so she doesn't duplicate. I really appreciate that and have tried to do that for Logan.

psychgalbride

Thank you guys- I needed to hear the reasons behind it.  My family situation is very different from most others where there are no grandparents and oodles of gifts from others so the chance of duplication is minute.  This particular family member's situation is just the opposite.  I forgot to look at the situation from that perspective.  

MrsAmers

I sent out a list of suggestions to all of the aunts and uncles last night. My mom responded with the list of what she's bought to avoid duplication. I'm feeling overwhelmed already... Ugh!