Homesick

love2loveurlovemylove

I've been dealing with severe homesickness, and I'm at a loss as to how to handle it. My husband and I moved bc of his job knowing that we would eventually move back to our hometown. Our extended family is unique in that I have known his siblings and a couple of their significant others for years. My husband and I were good friends before we started dating, and, since his siblings were cool people and all close in age, we were all pretty good friends. Anyways, I am an extreme extrovert, and I knew moving away from these great friends who felt like family and, then, (lucky for me) actually became family, would be hard...I just didn't realize how hard. We've been away for a couple years now, and I am feeling more homesick than ever. I feel like I am missing out on our golden years with family and friends that they are all getting to experience together. Anyways, my husband and I haven't started to discuss moving back, and I am nervous to bring it up. He has said before that he could picture us being here another couple of years bc he loves his job, our house, etc, but I don't know if I can emotionally make it another couple of years. I know that I need to bring it up, but I hate to seem pushy or unsatisfied or whatever. I think I'm harder on myself than he (or anyone) would ever be, but I still hesitate to say anything. I'm looking for any advice, ways to stick it out living away from home, or just anything you think may be helpful/encouraging. Thanks in advance

Sugarplum97

How far away did you move? Is it possible that you could make a trip over there and spend a few days with his/your family?

If going there isn't an option you could always video chat. Dhs parents moved to France for a year before we got married, and even though we weren't crazy close it was hard just knowing that we couldn't just go out to dinner with them. We used video chat a lot while there were there, it was a great way to talk with them and really catch up. This is great for important events as well, for example, when I got my wedding dress his step mom didn't want to wait until the week before the wedding to see it. So when I had my sisters over to see it I put her on video chat with us so that she could be involved to. We also did this for Dhs birthday, (they mailed him a gift and we Skyped them while he opened it).  

As far as talking to your husband about moving, I think that you should tell him how you feel. You might be surprised what he says. If you really think that you won't emotionally be able to stay there another couple of years he needs to know that now, not a couple of years from now when you cry every time you get a phone call or see something on Facebook that the family did without you. It is not fair to him or to your marriage. Let him know that you don't  have to move back right now but that you don't want to stay there forever. It is always better to be on the same page as each other, especially with big things like long term plans. Talk soon, it will save a lot of heart aches and arguments down the road.

TarponMonoxide

love2loveurlovemylove said:

I've been dealing with severe homesickness, and I'm at a loss as to how to handle it. My husband and I moved bc of his job knowing that we would eventually move back to our hometown. Our extended family is unique in that I have known his siblings and a couple of their significant others for years. My husband and I were good friends before we started dating, and, since his siblings were cool people and all close in age, we were all pretty good friends. Anyways, I am an extreme extrovert, and I knew moving away from these great friends who felt like family and, then, (lucky for me) actually became family, would be hard...I just didn't realize how hard. We've been away for a couple years now, and I am feeling more homesick than ever. I feel like I am missing out on our golden years with family and friends that they are all getting to experience together. Anyways, my husband and I haven't started to discuss moving back, and I am nervous to bring it up. He has said before that he could picture us being here another couple of years bc he loves his job, our house, etc, but I don't know if I can emotionally make it another couple of years. I know that I need to bring it up, but I hate to seem pushy or unsatisfied or whatever. I think I'm harder on myself than he (or anyone) would ever be, but I still hesitate to say anything. I'm looking for any advice, ways to stick it out living away from home, or just anything you think may be helpful/encouraging. Thanks in advance

What I suggest:

Skype!

Finding something to do in your new locale --- there has to be a group you can join, some type of class you can take (where you'll meet other people and make new friends) or volunteer for something.

I am not certain you should approach your H about moving back and here's why:

He loves his job, you said: I am pretty certain that the job he's in now where you now live has been a job he's always wanted to have --- he his chasing his dream.

As corny as it sounds, you need to support him and stand behind him as he pursues that endeavor.  He would do the same for you if you wanted to move to another town or state or even another country.

Skype a lot, email a lot and find lots to do where you now live.  I think you probably have a lot of time on your hands too. Put it to good use.:)

love2loveurlovemylove

Thanks for the advice. Both of you. We live about 5.5 hours away, and Skype is great, but it's not quite the same. You both actually hit on things I've been thinking through. The reason I am hesitant to say something is bc I am worried about looking like I don't support him. Obviously, I love him and want him to be able to do this job he loves. However, as Sugarplum87 mentioned, I want to be honest about something that is so heavily weighing on me. I feel like maybe it's unfair to him for me to assume he wouldn't be able to handle my honesty. I would want to know if the roles were reversed. That being said, I'm back at "but I don't want to stifle his dream." I have definitely considered joining some groups around town, but then I just get sad thinking I'm having to make new not-so-close friends to temporarily fill in for the friends/family I'm missing. Neither of you have to reply. This is weird for me to spill my emotions out to people I don't know over the internet. It just feels nice to type this out.

englishtrish1

How do you know new friends won't become close friends. I feel you decided that the time in your new town was finite and therefore didn't try terribly hard. If I were in your shoes I would tell my Dh how I was feeling but I would try not to be tittybabyish about or you will always feel he moved back not because he wanted to, but because of how you expressed yourself

love2loveurlovemylove

You're right, Englishtrish1, I am absolutely not trying hard bc I know we won't be here long. That is a valid and correct assumption.  Ha! That part is something I know I need to just buck up and do. It's definitely hard bc I'm constantly thinking about how much I'm missing out on back home, but  it's doable. I know it'd make living here easier. As far as how I'd discuss it with him (if I do), it'll be an honest, straight shot discussion. We're both pretty good at communicating with each other when one of us brings something up. It's one of the things that initially attracted me to him. I appreciate the responses. Typing things out and hearing feedback helps me process what I'm thinking and more rationally approach the situation.

tseguin

Is there anything you can do locally ie. sports teams, cooking groups, etc. that maybe you could meet people and build your own group of friends in your new area?  I know you have the long time friendships that you value, but, sometimes it doesn't hurt getting out and meeting new people! Maybe start hanging out with a coworker and making plans with them!  My suggestion is when you are handed lemons, make lemonade. Sometimes it is hard to step out of your comfort zone and meet people. I am very outgoing and there are times I feel insecure about trying to make a new friend or friends. I did with a girl at work and now she is one of my closest friends!   Goodluck! 

MommyLiberty5013

Another thing to consider is that people and relationships change. You may move back to the old place, but it probably won't be like it was before. Things rarely stay the same.

Samboni

First, you need to resolve to make an effort. Try to make friends there. Get out and meet people.One of my best friend lives three states away. We've seen each other 4 times in the last TWENTY years. I love that she is only a phone call away. Sometimes we talk multiple times a week and sometimes not for weeks. You find a groove. I think it's awesome to have friends spread all over the country. Resolve to make an effort (you'll feel better just taking a step) and then talk to your H about it. Let him know that you fully support him, but that you're missing home. He probably does too! It's all in how you frame it. "Sometimes I really get homesick" is different from "I hate it here and want to go home now." You don't have to dwell on it, but keeping it to yourself if it's an ongoing thing isn't good either. It'll breed resentment and unhappiness over time. He should know where your head is at and he may have some good ideas that will help. If nothing else, then maybe he can give a little comfort when it really hits. Sometimes all we need is a hug and sometimes we have to ask for it. That sounds simple, but it's true. Good luck.