Family Matters
JennK1005
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
DH's best friend dating his younger sister and it's AWKWARD
My H and I have been together for 7 years and just recently got married at the beginning of October. We were high school sweethearts at a small high where there are only about 700 students, teachers, AND staff for the 7-12th grade. My H is 24, I'm 23, and his sister is 21. Since my H didn't move to our area until the 7th grade, I was actually friends with some of my H's current friends before he was (i.e. I knew his best friend back in kindergarten and while we have never been close, we have always been friendly). Anyway, at our wedding, we noticed H's best friend was spending a lot of time with his younger sister. He kept asking her to dance and buying her drinks, etc. We didn't think too much of it, figured he was just being nice since they were both in the wedding party. Well the day after our wedding, he texted my H and said he was interested in H's sister and wanted to know if H minded if he dated her. My H and I both thought it would be a little weird (especially since H and I are long distance right now while trying to obtain our degrees and I live with his sister so I would be around everytime his best friend came to visit) to see his best friend with his younger sister, but in order to keep them from going behind his back and having a secret relationship, he went for a neutral answer of "do whatever you want, I'm not getting in the middle between you two if anything happens." His best friend is a really great guy and like I said, I've known him since kindergarten, so we know he will treat H's sister right. The issue is that H's sister is a user. She doesn't really date guys, she uses them until they stop spending money on her and then she dumps them. H comes to visit me every weekend and since I live with his sister, we spend a lot of time with her as well. Now that she is "dating" (they won't tell us if they are actually dating and we are pretty sure we are the only ones who know they are spending time together) his best friend, things have gotten a little awkward/strange when the four of us get together. We want to tell his best friend about his sister, but don't think his best friend would believe us, and don't want to deal with his sister after she finds out we told him. H and I were trying to act like adults and spend time with his sister and best friend when they were at the house, but like I said, it's awkward for H and I because we know his sister is probably just using his best friend. We tried talking to the two of them and letting them know how we feel about their relationship and that we thought things were a little awkward. We also told them that for a while, we were just going to pretend like we didn't know his best friend and let them start/form their "own" relationship without our interfering. They just brushed our feelings off and told us if/when things ended, we would all act like adults and go back to the way things were (easy for them to say since they aren't the commonality here). Also, the conversation almost seemed to start a challenge to them; when they know we are around, they are as touchy-feely and "couple-y" as they can be (again because they know it makes us uncomfortable), but when they don't think we are around, they just act normal and like friends in a new relationship. In order to try and deal with this in our own way, H and I have decided to spend more time alone and less time with them. His sister is now saying her brother "hates her and is grumpy whenever she comes around on the weekends." His best friend is also acting weird and goes back and forth between trying really hard to include us in their conversations, to completely ignoring us, even when H's sister is not around. So the whole "acting like adults" thing has already gone wayward. We just aren't sure how to handle this: should we tell his best friend his sister is a user and deal with her later? Should we just let things work themselves out? Are we being ridiculous by not spending time with them, even if we aren't sure they really want us around anyway? My H was hurt to find out his sister said those things about him as the 3 of us had formed a pretty close relationship before his best friend came into the picture. We want his sister and best friend to be happy and if that's with them being together, we will eventually be ok with it. But right now, we are uncomfortable because we don't think they are together for the right reasons.
Re: DH's best friend dating his younger sister and it's AWKWARD
Maybe she is a user, who knows. But your over concern and angst about this whole thing seems really weird.
You seem annoyed that they 'brushed off' your feelings, but aren't you brushing off theirs too? They're happy for now. they're enjoying this. But because you don't think it's right, you feel they should just blindly listen to you??
As they ARE adults, of COURSE they're going to want to figure this out for themselves and make their own choices!
Again- this is all just quite weird.
It is not a situation that neither YOU or your DH should try to control or even get involved. Your DH's friend and his sister are both adults and can handle things on their own.
I don't understand why you both feel the need to get involved, or maybe it's just you pushing your husband to see things the way you do. Maybe you have an interest in his best friend and it bothers you that he might find happiness with someone else.
Whatever the reason is, IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!
If you are so concerned that she may be using him, then husband needs to do some guy time with BF and tell him that while he doesn't mind BF dating his sister, he does have some concerns that he has based on her past behavior. Husband needs to make sure BF knows he isn't saying don't date my sister, but just keep your eyes open to some of these behaviors & then let BF make decision from there. For all you know, maybe all her prior relationships were with jerks and so she took advantage of things but if the BF is a good match for her, her behavior could change with him.
And it also sounds like you need to find some alternative locations, as do they, to hang out to have some alone time. Maybe walks in the park, or the mall, but just try to anything. Maybe even explan to her that while you are happy for them, it's weird for husband to think about his BF and his little sister hooking up. That maybe on the weekends if they could hang out at his place and then just make