Stay or go?

buddhabelly

Two years ago, my husband and I moved back to my hometown after being gone for seven years. At the time we didn't know if wanted to rent or buy and my parents had a rental home that was vacant. (It's also the home I grew up in.) We decided to give it a try because it's a beautiful home with a pool and huge yard for the kids. We are paying a very fair rent for the market. Here's the thing, after two years we're ready to find a home to call our own but very much want to downsize and simplify. We have two children, one who has special needs, and I feel like I'm drowning keeping up with a house this big. And the electric bill puts a huge financial strain on us with our daughter's medical bills. My parents offered to sell us this home but there's no way we'd afford the mortgage or afford the upkeep on a 5,000 sq. foot home. We found a home that's much smaller but affordable and a block away from a community pool and park. We gave my parents 30 days notice and explained to them our reasoning in a gracious and polite manner. To say it lightly, they're furious. They want us to stay where we are and not move. They're even offered to pay the electric to entice us to stay. I think they have an emotional attachment to the home. They also think the other home is too small. While free utilities it's tempting considering our budget, but my husband absolutely wants to move. The new house would be "ours" and he takes pride in that. I'm not looking forward to the stress of moving and selling a bunch of stuff because we won't have room for it. And of course we'd be moving around Christmas. I feel like I'm choosing between my parents and my husband. I admit renting from my parents is awkward at times but I also feel like I should be grateful even though this home is unrealistic for our future. I'd appreciate your thoughts! Thank you!

englishtrish1

Unless you belong to a sect that has marriage vows that include both your husband and your parents, this should be a no brainer. As to the size of your new home, that is none of your parents business.

GilliC

buddhabelly said:

Two years ago, my husband and I moved back to my hometown after being gone for seven years. At the time we didn't know if wanted to rent or buy and my parents had a rental home that was vacant. (It's also the home I grew up in.) We decided to give it a try because it's a beautiful home with a pool and huge yard for the kids. We are paying a very fair rent for the market. Here's the thing, after two years we're ready to find a home to call our own but very much want to downsize and simplify. We have two children, one who has special needs, and I feel like I'm drowning keeping up with a house this big. And the electric bill puts a huge financial strain on us with our daughter's medical bills. My parents offered to sell us this home but there's no way we'd afford the mortgage or afford the upkeep on a 5,000 sq. foot home. We found a home that's much smaller but affordable and a block away from a community pool and park. We gave my parents 30 days notice and explained to them our reasoning in a gracious and polite manner. To say it lightly, they're furious. They want us to stay where we are and not move. They're even offered to pay the electric to entice us to stay. I think they have an emotional attachment to the home. They also think the other home is too small. While free utilities it's tempting considering our budget, but my husband absolutely wants to move. The new house would be "ours" and he takes pride in that. I'm not looking forward to the stress of moving and selling a bunch of stuff because we won't have room for it. And of course we'd be moving around Christmas. I feel like I'm choosing between my parents and my husband. I admit renting from my parents is awkward at times but I also feel like I should be grateful even though this home is unrealistic for our future. I'd appreciate your thoughts! Thank you!

Your parents had the house as a rental property when you moved in, so surely they must have been okay at some point with actual tenants. Or have they only ever rented to friends/family?

Regardless, it's not their decision. Do what you and your H want. Your parents are your landlords in this scenario. If you weren't renting from them, would you be as worried about choosing to live in a place that's right for you even if your parents disagree? Probably not.

I've downsized to a smaller place twice now, and I've loved it both times. Not only is there less cleaning and lower utility bills, but it's a great excuse to really suck it up and get rid of the clutter than I rarely use.

chrisnjay05212010

I agree with the PP's- its a no brainer.  Do what you and your husband want.  Your parents aren't a part of your marriage, nor your budget.  You said the mortgage would be hard to afford. Even if your parents offered to pay the utilities that won't help the mortgage and you will still be overwhelmed as you said the house is really too big and hard to keep up with. 

There is nothing wrong with wanting to pick out and buy your own home.  Your parents will get over it. Go with your husband on this.

Samboni

It's NEVER going to be your place. It'll still be your parent's home even if you buy it. Shame on them for being furious and making you feel like you're in the middle. It's their home and their responsibly--you're a renter and you're not in the middle. Freeing up money will make you feel better in so many ways. Go live in a home where you AND your husband can be happy, and don't feel guilty about it!

Wahoo

You need to live your own life.  You cannot take your parents wishes into a decision as big as buying a house!  Put your husband and children first.

Rainzzzy

Not to sound harsh as this is not my intention at all but I think your parents want you to stay for selfish reasons. It's likely more comfortable for them to rent the house to you than to strangers. You've been paying them close to "fair market" rent, and they can still enjoy the home (through you) that they raised their kids in. I assume you've been good tenants and paid on time and kept the house up nicely...well now they have to take their chances on strangers so I can see them resenting this but as PPs stated you need to do what's best for you, your husband, and your kids. They may be shocked, upset, and resentful but they will have to adjust.

Rainzzzy

oh an as someone who has previously purchased a home from family members @samboni is so right. My inlaws never treated our home as "ours". They would let themselves in whenever they wanted (we hadn't changed the locks), thought they had a right to complain when we announced we were selling...

SheMarie82

You need to do what is right for your family.  Your parents should not have even a bit of a say in the matter.  If it is a rental property, it isn't like they are losing anything by having a different tenant, plus, it is still theirs.  I would suggest not taking them up on the offer for free electricity, you don't want that to turn around and be used against you in the future.