Brother in law's girlfriend

sains26

DH and I have been together for almost 8 years. As long as we have been together I have known my BIL and throughout the years we have become extremely close. We had our bad moments here and there but overall are good friends. And because of this close relationship and respect for my DH I have not destroyed BIL's gf. She seems like she is hell bent on making my life miserable. BIL and this girl have been together as long as DH and I have been together with them dating three months after we started dating. And because of my BIL's complaints in the first year I decided to get her a job where I was working.We were fine that entire summer until I went back up to college and in my Senior year of undergrad she decided she doesn't want to speak to me anymore. Which was fine because I never had a close relationship with her anyway even with my attempts to. Flash forward four years to the year I am getting married she decides to become the bitch from hell. In the past year (and a few times in the four years of not speaking) I would not say hi to her unless she said hi first. I was taught to speak when spoken to especially since BIL told me she didn't like me. Apparently that was a problem. I decided to make an effort and start a group thread with all the couples in his family (mostly his siblings and their SO). She has on three separate occasions started an argument with me in this group thread. One was about me not inviting her places, one was my birthday event during the years she wasn't speaking to me, another was me blocking her on fb, after i was tired of all my statuses being monitored and being accused of them ALL being about her (like really), and the last was someone sent her a website text message saying nasty things and she assumed it was me. Everyone informed me its a jealousy thing because she has three kids and isn't married but I have a college degree and am now married and instead of figuring out her relationship she rather attack me? I don't want to be in competition with her. She wants to be the number one gf in the number one relationship. How can I stop her from constantly attacking me?

CallMeShoes

Unfortunately, you can't.  Some people will attack you day in and day out, no matter what you do.

Hell, my parents divorced 24 YEARS ago, and my maternal family members STILL to this day attack my father on a regular basis.

All you can do is control the way you respond to her.  She is likely jealous that you've been with your DH the same amount of time that she's been with your BIL and he hasn't put a ring on it, much less two.

Honestly, I'd ignore her completely and feel sorry for her.  It takes a lot of personal strife to be that petty and miserable.

Fleur67

I think I would ignore her. It sucks to be around such a person as that but from my own personal experience, whenever someone was nasty to me and I confronted her, it usually made things worse because she turned it around to her being a victim and I was the mean one. Soon, I realized by my lowering myself to her level, I was being as petty as she was I disengaged from this person but whenever she did something overtly rude, I would be kind and acted confident. She could not hurt me and soon her pettiness stood out.

The best thing I managed to do was just make my life good and focus on those I love. If a person who is acting nasty acts immaturely to a person who is calm, then true colors show.

You are not in competition with her because to compete means two people agree to be against each other. You did not agree to this therefore there isn't a competition but just someone who is directing their misguided feelings at someone who has little to do with them.

Wahoo

I agree with all others who say to ignore her.  Be nice and polite to her when you see her (say hello, thank you, goodbye), but aside from that distance yourself from her.  

DO NOT let her control the relationship; even if you are told "do not speak to gf unless you are spoken to," by BIL, you should continue being polite (merely saying hello to her, good bye, excuse me is enough).  If you "don't speak until spoken to," gf could end up playing victim.  Also, she doesn't get to dictate to you how to acknowledge you - - you aren't "forcing yourself on her," by saying those few words.  After you have acknowledged her - ignore her.  

Stop making any efforts to get her to like you.  She won't no matter HOW MUCH you try and go out of your way for her.  Treat her like you would treat a co-worker that you really don't care for.  

If she starts drama on the group chats, then just shut down the chat.

The good news is, unless the whole family is a group of drama-llamas, everyone will see through her and realize what a nasty person she is.  

sains26

Thanks everyone. I did shut down the group chat and since then everything has gotten better. I guess the real test will come when we see each other in person at family events this holiday. I'll be on my best behavior and ignore like you all said.

Thanks again