How to move past things significant other did in the past....or should i?

LizRN2007

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 1 year and a half.  At the beginning of the relationship I had just recently gotten out of a marriage and he was "playing the field" per se.  We both were seeing other people and doing our thing in the first couple months.  After about 2 months we had talked about being exclusive and he had agreed, however I found out he still had a online dating website profile and was still texting some of the girls.  When I found out he was very apologetic and did his best to redeem himself.  He did delete it and it really hasn't been an issue.  He is very loving and a wonderful man to me.  However, recently we were setting up the kids IPADs we got for them and it synced with each of our gmail accounts.  When he was gone I looked through his and found old emails from the first few beginning months of the relationship to other girls that were of a sexual nature.  There was nothing recent or even from the last year in there other than typical generic emails.  I brought it up to him and he apologized and said it was all way in the past and he has made a complete 180 since then and is so in love with me and just wants us to be a family.  He said he was sorry he still had that in there and didn't realize it was still there.   I don't have any belief that he is doing this now, and thats not my problem but I just keep thinking about him talking with them, sending pictures to them.  I don't know how to get over it.  I love him so much but it just overwhelms my thoughts and is pushing me away from him and I resent him almost for things in the past, even though he has pretty much been perfect since. I'm just wondering if someone has some advice or went through something similar.  

LizRN2007

Also, I wanted to add that this relationship wasn't meant to be serious in the beginning.  I was just having fun, but it turned into something completely different.  I had intended on being single for awhile, just didn't work out that way!

Disneygeek77

Were the emails after you both decided to be exclusive ?

LizRN2007

Most were before.  There were a few that were right after.  But nothing since then.  

GilliC

LizRN2007 said:

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 1 year and a half.  At the beginning of the relationship I had just recently gotten out of a marriage and he was "playing the field" per se.  We both were seeing other people and doing our thing in the first couple months.  After about 2 months we had talked about being exclusive and he had agreed, however I found out he still had a online dating website profile and was still texting some of the girls.  When I found out he was very apologetic and did his best to redeem himself.  He did delete it and it really hasn't been an issue.  He is very loving and a wonderful man to me.  However, recently we were setting up the kids IPADs we got for them and it synced with each of our gmail accounts.  When he was gone I looked through his and found old emails from the first few beginning months of the relationship to other girls that were of a sexual nature.  There was nothing recent or even from the last year in there other than typical generic emails.  I brought it up to him and he apologized and said it was all way in the past and he has made a complete 180 since then and is so in love with me and just wants us to be a family.  He said he was sorry he still had that in there and didn't realize it was still there.   I don't have any belief that he is doing this now, and thats not my problem but I just keep thinking about him talking with them, sending pictures to them.  I don't know how to get over it.  I love him so much but it just overwhelms my thoughts and is pushing me away from him and I resent him almost for things in the past, even though he has pretty much been perfect since. I'm just wondering if someone has some advice or went through something similar.  

LizRN2007 said:

Also, I wanted to add that this relationship wasn't meant to be serious in the beginning.  I was just having fun, but it turned into something completely different.  I had intended on being single for awhile, just didn't work out that way!

LizRN2007 said:

Most were before.  There were a few that were right after.  But nothing since then.  

So is it the few that were right after that are bothering you? Because sending racy messages and having sex with other people is part of "not being exclusive" unless you specifically agreed otherwise. You even describe him as "playing the field" so surely this isn't a surprise.

You were married before? What would you think if your boyfriend saw some evidence that you used to have sex with your ex-husband back when you were married? Wouldn't it be a little strange for him to freak out about it?

If it's the fact that they're still in his GMail account, seriously let it go. Google's servers are huge. I never delete anything from my GMail account unless it's junkmail. You could probably find some pretty racy stuff in there from boyfriends past.

Is there another reason that you don't trust him? Because honestly, this does not sound like a big deal. He was a little slow to fully commit to the exclusive bandwagon. I will admit that I've been there before, because I was scared to commit in the beginning, and it took me a month or two to really settle in to exclusivity.

From what you've told us, it sounds like you're getting upset about something that's not a big deal, so it's probably worth spending some time reflecting on why this bothers you. It could also be a huge help to meet with a counselor once or twice just to talk through why this is a big issue for you. And once you know the reasons, discuss them with your boyfriend and help him understand where you're coming from and that you recognize that it's not really his fault.

TarponMonoxide

LizRN2007 said:

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 1 year and a half.  At the beginning of the relationship I had just recently gotten out of a marriage and he was "playing the field" per se.  We both were seeing other people and doing our thing in the first couple months.  After about 2 months we had talked about being exclusive and he had agreed, however I found out he still had a online dating website profile and was still texting some of the girls.  When I found out he was very apologetic and did his best to redeem himself.  He did delete it and it really hasn't been an issue.  He is very loving and a wonderful man to me.  However, recently we were setting up the kids IPADs we got for them and it synced with each of our gmail accounts.  When he was gone I looked through his and found old emails from the first few beginning months of the relationship to other girls that were of a sexual nature.  There was nothing recent or even from the last year in there other than typical generic emails.  I brought it up to him and he apologized and said it was all way in the past and he has made a complete 180 since then and is so in love with me and just wants us to be a family.  He said he was sorry he still had that in there and didn't realize it was still there.   I don't have any belief that he is doing this now, and thats not my problem but I just keep thinking about him talking with them, sending pictures to them.  I don't know how to get over it.  I love him so much but it just overwhelms my thoughts and is pushing me away from him and I resent him almost for things in the past, even though he has pretty much been perfect since. I'm just wondering if someone has some advice or went through something similar.  

I don't know how old your kids are but when you have children, it's a must you proceed slowly when it comes to a guy you are dating.

Not every guy needs to meet your kids.

If the kids are especially young, proceed even more slowly still.

I wouldn't have brought the BF in to meet the kids until at least the one year mark. And even still, byu then, it is a must that he prove himself. If you are mutually exclusive that means you and he date only each other -- and no involvement with anybody at all of the opposite sex, unless that person is a bona fide friend.

If  at any time you find out that he is not cracked up to what he is supposed to be --- recently texting other girls and inappropriately acting with women -- get rid of him. He is still interested in other women. Simple as that.