Spouse watching she-male porn. This is BAD?

RosaPersica

My hubby has been pretty quite lately in the romance department, especially not coming up to me wanting sex.  In our dating days, and for about 8-10 months after we got married, our sex was fun and regular, having sex almost 4 times on a weekly basis.  When I spoke to him and asked why he has been quiet and not really accepting me when I wanted some love-time, he said it's because he is stressed from work, but also says I am at fault because I am tired from work, preparing dinner, and cleaning.  Now, for about 3 weeks, he has started bringing in his tablet into the toilet, and has been spending a lot (like, extraordinarily a lot) of time on his tablet in the evenings.  He gets on it as soon as he gets into the house coming home from work, before dinner, after dinner, when I'm in the shower, and when I'm already in bed.  I am concerned, and curious but I really need to know if we need to promptly address this issue we are having.  So, I have decided that maybe it is time to have a small look at what he has been doing.  He has been downloading a lot of she-male porn..and I don't know why.  We did discuss watching porn, and I told him I am okay with it when he feels the need to.  But, ALL of his downloaded porn material, as far as I know since the date of Nov 13, is she-male.  Is this okay and should I leave him be to let go of his troubles?  I really don't know how to approach him on this topic, again.  I am disappointed, but I would like to help and save our relationship.  Nesters, please help me?

puppylove2014

What matter is if it's ok with you. Not what internet strangers think.

The fact that you are talking to us instead of him is not a good sign.

artbyallie

'She-male' strikes me as rather offensive.

That's pretty much all I got.

RosaPersica

Apologies artbyallie [and any other responders ].  

Of course I did not mean to offend anyone in any way.  I should have used 'transgender' but I was obviously not 100% whilst venting out.

Thanks for your replies anyway.

doeydo

He sounds like he is watching porn a lot and that in itself is an issue.  The fact that it is of transgendered women who have penises wouldn't trouble me personally.  

TarponMonoxide

RosaPersica said:

My hubby has been pretty quiet lately in the romance department, especially not coming up to me wanting sex. 

When it was pretty clear that a good chunk of time went by with no sex -- and despite the fact that you did what you could do to ensure you were happy in the bedroom -- why didn't you insist on a frank and open talk with him?


In our dating days, and for about 8-10 months after we got married, our sex was fun and regular, having sex almost 4 times on a weekly basis.  When I spoke to him and asked why he has been quiet and not really accepting me when I wanted some love-time, he said it's because he is stressed from work, but also says I am at fault because I am tired from work, preparing dinner, and cleaning. 

So he pinned the rose on you. If he was unhappy with no sex from you because you were "too busy," why oh why didn't he speak to you about it???

Where is your communication?

Neither one of you has any and for that alone, I strongly suggest counseling. You simply cannot talk to each other about anything, let alone a vital issue like sex!

Now, for about 3 weeks, he has started bringing in his tablet into the toilet, and has been spending a lot (like, extraordinarily a lot) of time on his tablet in the evenings. 

This is supsicious in itself.

Maybe ya can remove the bathroom door.


He gets on it as soon as he gets into the house coming home from work, before dinner, after dinner, when I'm in the shower, and when I'm already in bed. 

And I don't care if he is surfing the net or watching You Tube or doing someting innocent net-wise: he is spending too much time with the internet. Where is his time with YOU?

I am concerned, and curious but I really need to know if we need to promptly address this issue we are having. 

I would tend to think so. And you???

So, I have decided that maybe it is time to have a small look at what he has been doing.  He has been downloading a lot of she-male porn..and I don't know why.  We did discuss watching porn, and I told him I am okay with it when he feels the need to.  But, ALL of his downloaded porn material, as far as I know since the date of Nov 13, is she-male.  Is this okay and should I leave him be to let go of his troubles?  I really don't know how to approach him on this topic, again.  I am disappointed, but I would like to help and save our relationship.  Nesters, please help me?

How do you feel about it?

You can talk to him about it -- in a non confronttional way --- or you can let it go.

Your problem is that he is spending too much time on the net. THAT has to stop.

And if he doesn't, you can decide where to go from there.

It very well can be he may wind up with a porn addiction, in which case you'll have a real problem --- if it turns out he develops a porn addiction run like hell. An addction of any kind is a deal breaker. 

artbyallie

I think it's kind of sad that he doesn't feel comfortable discussing whatever fantasies he may have with you. And fantasies don't always have to be acted upon in real life, of course. I assume that the content of his porn-watching has you concerned that he is perhaps gay or bisexual (which he may not identify as even if he is attracted to transgender women who have not had genital surgery). It's a shame that he was not able to tell you of his own accord.

I agree with Tarpon that a serious and non-confrontational conversation needs to happen here. Spouses should be able to talk about sex and their desires with each other.