Wondering if anyone feels the same!

melissaepiphany

My husband and I are in our mid-late 20's. We've both talked about having children, we both know we want children, one day, but we don't really have a "plan" or timeline for kids. However, sometimes when we talk we think maybe we'll just never have kids and just have a bunch of dogs instead lol. I personally am so back and forth on the idea of children. Sometimes I feel like I want a baby soon, and other times I think I don't want a baby for several years, or if ever. I'm scared that one day I'll get pregnant and then go back in my mind and wish we'd waited. At the same time, I don't want to wait around forever, be too old for kids and then wish we'd had them. I know no one is really 100% "ready" for a baby, but I just don't know how you "know" you are ready or want to have children. I clearly don't feel we are ready **at the moment** and we are perfectly fine with that. Sometimes I look at other couples and they are just so planned out and put together and have their time lines and I worry when we aren't the same. We just kind of take each day as it comes. However I am honestly happy not having a "plan" really.... Maybe that's crazy? My husband and I communicate openly a lot about this subject, so it's not like I can't talk to him about it, I'm just curious if any other young women feel the same. Please no negative comments if it can be helped Thank you ladies! 

joleri23

I felt that way until I really was ready. There's nothing weird about it! You know how people always reference "The One" by saying, "When you know, you know"? I think that's true about kids, too.

dutchgirl76

When you say you want a "plan" what are you looking to have in that plan? Does this mean x amount in savings, so much vacation time saved up, live a house or condo that you own not rent? Does this include viable childcare options or being financially stable enough to have one parent stay home? Does your work schedule and your husband's schedule work with the hours childcare is typically open (i.e. Monday through Friday 9am to 5pm)? If not, do you plan on changing shifts or jobs to make this work? Could you map that out that answers these questions to see what you need to do to be "ready"?

From what I understand there will never be a perfect time to have a child. Like anything else in life, if you wait to save and plan you miss out on having the energy, but if you have them when you're young you might not have as much financially to provide vacations and rooms of toys. Perhaps mapping out your plan would make you feel more ready (even in x amount of time) or help you determine if kids are really right for you?

Melliewood

I know how you feel! We just got our first dog together and feel like she is our kid and don't know if we could love a human child yet...

hortons0510

I feel the same way. We are also in our mid-late twenties and we want kids one day, but right now is definitely not the time for us. We were married May 2014 and moved from Indiana to Texas in September 2014. We are out all the time, going to concerts, checking out new breweries near us, going out to eat, camping...if something comes up, we want to do it! I go back and forth a lot, too. I see people with their newborns and it makes me want one, but then I think about raising a child, and all that comes with it, and it makes me think "not now!" It's also hard when you hear more negative than positive.

lovemesomemonster

I'm with you! Some days I think we could totally do it, and others I'm thinking nope, not going to happen ever.. We finally talked it out (because our time lines were SO different) and came to an agreement on what our goal is before we start thinking kids. While I have never wanted to be a stay at home mom, I have watched many people I work with struggling with two full time working parents. We decided that when he's making enough that I can not work for a couple of years that will be the right time. We are comfortable and have financial plans that we aren't ready to sacrifice just yet so that gave me a little peace of mind. Maybe try thinking of what will change in your life and what you are willing to change? I'm currently happy going on multiple vacations a year and building a financial foundation with investments and I'm not ready to give up either yet. 

short+sassy

You have to ask yourself also, do you and your DH truly want children or is that what has just been ingrained into your psyche?  I realize that sounds simplistic on the face of it, but I was a victim to it.

Growing up and all the way through my mid-20s, I always planned to have kids because that is what society teaches us is that we are supposed to want.  Especially for women.  And then it finally hit me one day, I had never once...not even for a second...actually wanted a child.  I had always just assumed that "someday" I would.  Instead, with each passing year, it became a more and more abhorrent idea.

Not saying that is the case for you all!  But it can sometimes be hard to separate our true feelings from what our culture tells us our feelings should be.

chrisnjay05212010

holy crap @short+sassy!!!! that is EXACTLY how i feel!!!!!!!  i could hug you right now!

short+sassy

chrisnjay05212010 said:

holy crap @short+sassy!!!! that is EXACTLY how i feel!!!!!!!  i could hug you right now!

Thanks !  Glad I could put into words how I think a lot of us...especially on this board...feel.

It was weird because, in my mid and late 20s, as I saw some of my friends become more and more drawn to having children...my feelings were going in the opposite direction.

chrisnjay05212010

short+sassy said:

chrisnjay05212010 said:

holy crap @short+sassy!!!! that is EXACTLY how i feel!!!!!!!  i could hug you right now!

Thanks !  Glad I could put into words how I think a lot of us...especially on this board...feel.

It was weird because, in my mid and late 20s, as I saw some of my friends become more and more drawn to having children...my feelings were going in the opposite direction.

yes i feel its so hard to put things into words because most women dont understand it! I just went to visit a friend over the weekend who had a baby and when i was holding him, she asked if it made me want one and i told her no, its just the opposite, it makes me want to run screaming in the other direction, LOL

dutchgirl76

I'm the same way, I honestly wonder if I've ever wanted a kid. In college I had a significant b/f who talked about getting married and having children. Seeing him married now with 2 kids I have no jealousy, no desire, I just feel bad for his wife because she also works. 

I get scared when people hand me babies too. When they're old enough to walk and communicate their kids I'll take them for the afternoon but I'm very happy to return them at the end of the day.

dutchgirl76

And I think that's the elephant in the room no one talks about. Everyone has kids for one reason or another, but some people don't stop to think if it's right for them. Once they're here you can't give them back so this decision should be really carefully thought out. The discussions of who has to stay home, can we afford for someone to stay home is the responsible way to go. If things don't point in the direction of not having a child (no reason needed) then don't do it. I'd hate to be the child of parents who had me just because everyone else has one.

Melliewood

I feel like some people think they need to have kids right after they get married then they just throw there kids into daycare or hire a nanny right away. I don't think that's the life for me. If I have children I would at least want to stay with them until they are in school.