Trouble in Paradise
Knottie86667276
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Please help me!
So, my fiance is being sued. If there's an arrest warrant out for him in another state, it's only valid in that state correct? I just want to make sure before letting him drive my car...
Also, if there's a lein on property, what does that mean? If I purchase a home, and we're married, but his name is not on the lease, the law can't do anything right? He seems to think if we purchase a house in my name ONLY, no one can touch it. I'm not so sure and am a bit nervous.
He seems to think it will go away, and I'm not so sure. I'm nervous because there's a lein against him (Not sure what this is exactly) but if we are married and I purchase a home, even if his name is not on the deed, I'm told he's entitled to half of what I own...which means if he's being sued, MY home could be in danger...does anyone know anything about this? I'm so lost.
Also, if there's a lein on property, what does that mean? If I purchase a home, and we're married, but his name is not on the lease, the law can't do anything right? He seems to think if we purchase a house in my name ONLY, no one can touch it. I'm not so sure and am a bit nervous.
He didn't appear in court, so a warrant was issued for his arrest, but in a different state (we live in NY, it's in NJ). He owed someone money, he didn't pay them (he wasn't working) and they sued. He never appeared in court, so the judge issued a bench warrant.
He seems to think it will go away, and I'm not so sure. I'm nervous because there's a lein against him (Not sure what this is exactly) but if we are married and I purchase a home, even if his name is not on the deed, I'm told he's entitled to half of what I own...which means if he's being sued, MY home could be in danger...does anyone know anything about this? I'm so lost.
Re: Please help me!
Hoo boy....is he NUTS???
Or just immature???
For you to do, right now:
Put the wedding date on hold.
Keep it on hold until you get to the bottom of this mess and keep it on hold until you get the details and facts to your satisfaction and you know the facts are true and without lies.
If the wedding date is within the next several months: cancel the wedding altogether. This mess will not be resolved by then, I guarantee you.
Demand paperwork to back up his claim. I'm serious.
Run a credit check on him, right now.
Demand to know all the details. See how much money he is in hock for -- it could be a few thousand, it could be a lot more than that.
Retain an attorney for this situation --- it is a must. Discuss this entire mess with him and get his input. Get all of the facts: who the money is owed to, when the debt was incurred,, how much he owes, what attorneys on his side are involved, etc.
That he didn't fess up to all of this when he should have is also the issue. This is poor character and it is also a lie by omission.
If you don't buy any of what he tells you, I suggest you cut bait and tell him adieu. He could be in a gigantic money mess, for all you know...and that is NO way a marriage should begin.
That is no way a relationship should continue, either.
He needs to tell you now what is involved: How much he owes, when it was owed, under what circumstances and who or what is involved. He needs to give you the dates this happened and who the creditors are.
If he won't say so, or he refuses to give you all of the details in their stark nakedness, bad news: run like hell.
He also needs to pay this debt off in full before he marries you.
That is on him and that is his obligation. He is not to involve you in this or bring debt into your marriage.
He could wind up having his wages garnished or a great many other things happen, thanks to the debt he owes.
And who is this "Someone"? He'd better tell you and let you know right now. You have full right to know who it is and know everything that is involved.
I am going through a hell of a money mess with a sibling: it is not pretty. I wound up taking him to court. I cannot "divorce" or "break up" with a sibling --- however, you can, right now, or in the near future, if the situation warrants, before you marry this guy..
He has, so far, failed the test of character. he did not show up in court and he did not let you know what was happening as it happened, long before NOW.
Trust your heart on this and use your head. Love is blind and don't forsake making an intelligent decision because you loooooooove him soooo much. I'm serious.
And above all:
DO NOT pay this debt off for him or offer to help him out. That's not a possibility. he couldn't pay off this guy ---- he's going to be able to repay you???
Wishing you luck.
Are you living with this guy?
If you are how did he manage to keep this hidden from you? If he is being sued, papers have to be served to him --- how did the summons get to him without you finding out? How did all of this get past you, period?
None of this bodes well. None of it at all.
Look:
SCRATCH buying the house! That's out of the question right now --- aren't you listening to any of us? You are hell bent for leather to buy a house; that's all you are fixated on.
Do NOT buy a home. DO NOT marry this jerk.
Massive credit card debt?
How did he accrue that debt?
That's a horse of another color --- and considering what a fiasco this guy is with character, honesty, not fessing up about the lawsut when he should have, and the bench warrant, you need to give him the gate.
He has zero business bringing any kind of massive bad debt into your relationship, let alone a marriage.
Didn't he even so much as bother to tell you how he accrued that debt?
Better yet, did you even bother to ask him for details HOW this bad massive debt was accrued? You should have!
Don't consider marrying this guy.
End this sham of a relationship tonight. He is NOT for you.
15 yards, owed to an ex wife? Who knows what that is about --- I am guessing it might be alimony ------and speaking of his used to be, it would be very smart of you if you called her and got her side of the story and asked her why she and her H/your FI got divorced. I will bet you that tale of woe is storied and very interesting.
This is harsh reality. And this is also what you are seeing: somebody with no responsibility.
There'd be no way I'd marry somebody with staggering bad debt. What if you want to start a family? Or save money for some sort of future endeavor? Impossible to do now, thanks to his bad record with saving and spending money and his horrible credit score.
There's nothing here for you.
YOu cannot depend on him.
Tonight, tell him the relationship is over and the wedding isn't going to happen --- and while you are at it, run a credit check on yourself. You never know.
Aren't you listening to anything we're saying???
Want a house in your name?
Drop this guy like a bad habit...and buy the home for yourself...as in to live in ALONE. Not with HIM!
15K owed to his former wife? That's one thing....that he also has a nightmare amount of bad debt on top of that makes the picture irreparable. Get rid of him.
A friend of mine is divorced; she and her former H have 3 kids.
He lost his job due to no fault of his own; he got outsourced.
He was out of work for nearly a year (he is IT and it was tough for him to find a software enginer's job stateside) but he still paid his child support and did what he was required to do by court order and what he was obligated to do as a dad. His job isn't as lavish as the one he had but he is still doing what he is obligated to do.
There is no way you can build a life with this guy. No way.
Listen to us and please make an intelligent decision.
When he owed that amount to his x wife, he needed to enlist a fiancial planner to get some good suggestions how to make good on what he owed -- he could have gotten a part time job somewhere and used that money that he would have earned via that job to pay what he owed his ex wife..but the horse is out of the barn now and he's gone and made a huge mess. He's just not responsible nor is he smart.;
That part time job with the earnings dedicated to paying down the debt from the x wife would have been a good idea.
Or he could have gone through his attorney and the court and made restitution and gotten permission to pay on some type of payment plan until he got a job. Job losses happen; the courts will understand.
And when he went back to work full time he could have dedicated things like a holiday bonus to be given to the x wife to help pay off what he owed, or ensured any other bonuses went towards paying off the debt...that, along with a part time job to hel;p
That that amount turned into 15 grand is staggering. How long did this go on, with him not paying due to him being out of work?
I somehow think there may be something wrong with this story, too. I wonder if you have gotten the complete story from him, and the one that is the truth.Something is fishy here indeed.
That he's got a big pile of other bad debt is horrible --- how dare he expect to start a marriage with such a black cloud for him and you to marry under! He can't go bringing this mess into your marriage -- and here is what else:
Your marriage is OVER there and then, once you say I do.
The financial stress will be horrific and the fall out from it will start immediately -- I guarantee you that you and he will argue constantly over this debt and argue vehemently -- and you'll have a third, fourth and fifth party in on your marriage: his ex wife, her attorney and the court!
Add a sixth party:
His attorney.
You've got quite the full house there!! What a mess, all of it.
You will grow to resent him, if not downright hate him.
Make an educated and wise decision.
Because believe me you, he is nothing to love, judging from what you told us.
Get out now before there is a chance you can catch pregnant accidentally -- and wow, sis --- if you do and you choose to have the child, you won't get a hell of a lot of honorability from him after that! Do you see any honorability emanating from him right now??? You will be stuck with his sorry ass for 18 years.
Thank your lucky stars you found out about this now. Imagine if he said nothing until after the wedding! (you could have torn off his arm and beaten him with it, put him through the wall and then had the marrriage annulled....in that order.)
Get rid of him and do it today. Wash your hands of this mess.
And for safety's sake: see a counselor after you dump his ass..
You are going to be bitter about this; nip this in the bud with a therapist's help. Life is too short to waste time feeling bitter.
The OP didn't even see an attorney for legal advice --- our county bar will refer you to 3 attorneys in the discipline you need --- you need a lawyer that is proficient in debt and bankruptcy --- and from there, you get a free consultation from each.
And what floors me is that this debt owed to his x wife mushroomed into a sizable amount! He should have taken care of this immediately, before it became of tremendous proportions.
As I said, this didn't happen overnight. This lawsuit has to be in the works for at least a couple years.
I hope you own NO real property or assets with this 100% horse's ass.
Aren't you listening to anything we've got to say???
I would lock him out of that house and too bad on him. This would be his ballgame after this.
OP: You remind me a great deal of somebody I will call Mary.
Mary has been involved with a guy I will call John....for years.
She is fully aware John is in debt up to the moon. He's been in debt for years, long before he met Mary.
John is being sued by somebody. Mary doesn't care; she has been living with him for quite some time and doesn't seem to care that he's being sued. Mary doesn't mind living in somebody''s dirt.
Don't be a Mary.
We don't know how else to drive it home to you that there's no future for you with your FI. He has zero to offer you, unless you count no character, dishonesty and a shitload of debt. Why do you want this creep? Can you tell us again what's so wonderful about him?
If you are being married by a clergyp[erson, talk to that person.
Any priest, minister, etc that is worth his or her salt will tell you that the name of the game in marriage is "Forsaking All Others."
By virtue of the fact that he is being sued and that his wife, the law and other entities are involved, I'd say that he's already forsaken you, big time.
Don't marry him. There is no future here for you.
I wouldn't trust this guy if you promised me love or money -- and i can sure use both.
What he needs is toughlove. He needs to be pitched from the premises and left to fend for himself. Let him figure out where to go and what to do once he is dumped by his FI.
Here is a cute and interesting question:
If this guy ain't got a pot to piss in how is it...
1-)He is paying for his portion of the wedding?
and how is it
2-)He can even afford to own anything, if he is so down on his luck?
You said that somebody's got a lien on something he owns -- I am guessing it is his x wife.
I am indeed willing to bet he is using the OP for all she's got.
ETA at 11pm 1-23-15: Whatever it is he owns that is real property that now has a lien against it -- why didn't he think of selling it when this debt to his former wife showed up on the horizon??? he could have held up his end of the bargain that way!
Do you even know what it is he owns that has the lien against it?
You need to call a lawyer in your state to have your legal questions answered. I would also ask that lawyer how you're going to get your money from him when he dumps you and refuses to own up to his responsibilities. It's never too early to plan for your future!
Chances are that you will never see the money from the damages he'd create! I don't think there is a judge anywhere who would be able to unravel that kind of mess!
Get rid of this guy and do it now. And get out while you still have all of your assets, your sanity and your self esteem.
I cannot fathom why you even agreed to stay in a relationship with a guy who has a fantastic amount of credit card debt, let alone a very outstanding debt with a spouse and a debt, to boot, where his x wife is now suing him over failure to pay up what he should pay. WHY are you with him at all?
Something is very fishy here indeed....very fishy.
You knew about the enablement for years. Good thing you got rid of him.
Did you do the breaking off? or did he?
If he did, he did you a favor. GL.
PS: I guarantee you that he would have left you hanging in the lurch if you split up with him due to divorce -- and he would have done the same with any kind of crisis you faced.
What a blanking idiot --- he could have had that asset assessed, sold it and given the money to his x wife-- or had it assessed and signed it over to his x wife to settle the debt. Wow --- why didn't he take care of that when it was *only* 6 grand???
What a dishonoarable SOB he is.
What kind of person?
Oh, you'd be surprised....:( The job market is shot to hell and even still, as i said, he could have told the courts "I am out of work and I cannot settle that debt" -- courts know job loss happens, especially now (frontline ran a story about fathers/mothers who cannot pay child support due to long term job loss) -- and he could have sold that property he owned and turned the dollar amount over to his x wife.
Or if he had a job righ now, turn over all bonuses, overtime money to her -- and get a part time gig and dedicate the earnings to paying off the debt.:(
This is a HUGE indicator of his character. He failed that test big time.
(and that he simply refuses to look for work tells me that he's a bigger bum than I originally thought --- and you were to do what??? Support him and marry him anyhow??? You needed to tell him to eff off based on that alone!)