Dry Spell. A really dry spell

Khione13

Last year I had complete and total reconstructive surgery of the foot and ankle. My husband and I had stopped have regular sex a couple months before that due to the amount of pain I was in before the surgery. After the surgery, I had a four month recovery time and we really could not do anything sexual due to pain meds and limited mobility on my part. Now I am able to walk and move around but still no sex. We have been without for six months now and have only been married 2 years. Can anybody give me any advice as to what to do next? He is afraid he will hurt me but I really need some kind of intimacy at some point. Also has anyone tried that thirty day sex challenge and if so did it work?

elisea92

I feel your pain. I had knee surgery this past summer and a month later I got to the point where it wasn't too painful for sex, but was definitely uncomfortable. 

It's sweet that he cares about hurting you, but you're implying that you can walk and move without pain? It's not like you had surgery on your girl parts, it's your foot. Find a position (like missionary) that doesn't involve a lot of movement on your part or weight on the foot and you should be fine. If he's still concerned, say this is an opportunity for him to show his tender side with more attention for you, if you know what I mean.

I wish you the best, and am glad you're feeling better! Good luck!

gardensparrow

Hi there~

Well, sorry you're going through this dry spell. Health challenges can definitely take a toll on intimacy in a marriage. But I'm glad it seems like you're on the mend. 

As far as reconnecting with your husband, maybe it would help you two to set aside some one-on-one time. Maybe take a little trip or have a special date night? Just little things to build the romance back up in your relationship and make intimacy feel a little more natural. 

Of course, if you really feel like this is a struggle, therapy is never a bad idea. I'm sure a professional could help you two get back on track. 

So, just some thoughts to consider!

#girlluvs2garden#

crimsonsaffron

First, talk to him about wanting to be close and identify ways of being together that won't cause pain. Let him know that you'll tell him if anything hurts.

Then, introduce some romance and touch into your life. Give him a tender and passionate kiss before he leaves in the morning, rub his shoulders and arms, look him in the eyes and smile after you give him a hug, eat dinner without the TV, rest in his arms when you are watching TV and don't wait to commercials to give him a real kiss… Those little gestures that recreate an emotional and romantic connection.

From there, initiate sexual contact. Let him know through your actions that you're ready and you miss him. 

In general, I think it's best not to have an attitude of "oh my god, it's been so long" and making a big deal about it. Yes, you've only been married two years and yes, you've not been intimate in six months, but you'll be together for an entire lifetime. There will be periods when you don't have much sex for medical or other reasons. There are ebbs and flows, that's completely normal. The more you think it's a HUGE deal, the more pressure there will be.