Buying A Home
Pinksapphire08
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Difficult family while buying a house
My husband and I are trying to buy a house. We found the perfect home and we are just waiting to see of the bank accepts our offer. Even though we don't need our family's approval and are making this decision on our own, we invited our parents to come see the house since we are close and value their opinion (my fil is an electrician and my dad is really good with hot water heaters and other things). The economy is getting a little better so the market is rising of course. We got really lucky with this house. It's not huge but it's very nice and well kept. It's a steal! The problem is his parents. I hate to say it like this but I almost think they are jealous. His dad always makes comments about not understanding why we can't start out in a smaller fixer upper "like they did" and work for nicer things in life. Now let me say, I am all for working for what we have.. But our reply is why would we not take advantage of the housing market and get a nicer house for less that falls in our price range?? They keep making negative comments about the few things we would need to replace but can't seem to give us an answer when we ask if they like the house. It's really hard on my husband and it's making this whole process even more stressful than it is already. Has anyone ever dealt with difficult family members when buying a home?
Re: Difficult family while buying a house
If you love the house, just get it. You don't need his parent's permission.
If they point out things that need attention - just say "thanks for noticing that".
I am assuming they have no clue as to your true financial picture and think you are not in a position to buy this house and are concerned you are over extending.
And, yes, they may be jealous as well. So what?
STOP looking for their approval. - just move on.
They do NOT have to like the house, how you decorate, what kind of car you buy, where you vacation, what you name your kids --- and you can not let that bother you nor influence your choices - and you can still love them and get along.
It sounds like they are just having some trouble adjusting to you all not going quite the same route they did, when they bought their first home. Aaannnddd, how long ago was that
?
Housing markets can change drastically almost by the season. What worked great for them 10-20-30 years ago has ZERO relevance for what works in the housing market today and/or what works for your family.
The only reason people buy starter and/or fixer upper homes to begin with is because they often can't afford to buy the "forever home" right off the bat. However, nowadays, people are both getting married later in life and buying their first home later in life. This allows a lot of couples to go straight to their "move-in ready forever" home as their first home. And that is an AWESOME place to be!
Don't let them get you down about that. Keep pointing out to yourself and your DH that, while it is disappointing they are not as excited as you all thought they would be, that YOU all know you have made the right decision and that is what is important.
Are they aware of the price of the house? If so, that also might be a factor because, if it has been a long time since they last personally house hunted, there might be some sticker shock going on.
DH and I already make more money than my parents ever did. We are looking at $200k budget for a home. My parents current home is worth about $160k. They also had 3 kids and we won't/can't have any, so that also affects our expenses. They think us looking at $200k is horribly expensive, but that it the average market price where we live and comfortably within our budget. They are happy that we are doing so well, but they have made a couple comments about how high our housing budget it and thinking we should look at something more financially reasonable. They had to work their way up to their home and had been married 30 years before they could afford it. That comparison makes it harder for them to see a $200k home as a "starter home" for us. But, just because it wasn't feasible to them, doesn't mean it isn't feasible to our income and lifestyle. Maybe your parents are going through the same thing. Parents want their kids to do better than them, but I think sometimes they try to compare our circumstances to theirs, and when it doesn't match up there is some conflict in their minds.
Part of the problem is that the very nature of asking for someone's opinions on this type of purchase, is that they're going to be more prone to point out the negatives (because apparently, you won't notice them unless your nose has been rubbed in every little flaw), instead of hyping you up for a purchase before you've made your decision. That part comes later.....no sense in getting excited about a house purchase until you know it will be actually go through.
However, since it doesn't seem like their negativity has much benefit, then stop asking for their opinion. If you have your own eyes, and your own opinions and the money for a lot of specialist & professional inspections, then use those and save yourself the stress in the future.
Try to ignore the negativity that they've already offered in the process, and if they offer any more opinions, say something like "thank you, but at this point we're just discussing the house purchase between the two of us, so we can really determine for us whether or not we feel it's the right decision."
If you don't want FIL to talk to the realtor, talk to him yourself. Really get into the nitty gritty as to why this is a good house. It sounds like you picked a great house - maybe they just need it laid out in front of them like that.
Also, and this was a dirty trick, but I would start talking about how I could see our future family growing in this house. Which I can, so I guess it wasn't that dirty.
Not every parent/adult child has the exact same relationship, so if you see a relationship or a concern or a consideration that you can't relate to, just keep in mind that "different" doesn't mean "wrong." It's fine that you don't understand an adult child's desire to offer a little consideration and comfort to their parents. If you don't understand it, it just means that you have a different kind of relationship with your parents, or in laws. It's no big deal.