Vent/WWMMD?

abrewer5

I’m a pretty frustrated right now and I want to get a third party opinion on this. I’ve mentioned in another thread that I’m in a wedding and the bride wants a big bachelorette party in Vegas. I live on the east coast, so it’s literally across the country that’s a pretty big expectation to put on us, but whatever I’ll bite. H is in the wedding too and they guys are going away for a few days too. Last week she booked her flight, mind you we are not going until September and flights were just released a week ago today. I’ve told her before that I want to pay off my car before I commit any money to this trip. I’m on target to have my car paid off by 2 April. So she texted me last week to tell me flights were released and she booked her flight already, and she offered to let me split airline points with my sister to get the ticket for half off. That’s great and a nice gesture, but I know her and I know it will be held over my head (which is already happening). So I just responded that I wasn’t ready to book yet and I will let her know when I am, around mid-April. She got mad and didn’t talk to me all week.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

Flash forward to last night when she texted me to tell me she is irritated with me because I haven’t booked my flight yet. She said she doesn’t see how paying for my flight is a problem and that I can delay paying off my car in order to get the ticket now. She thinks because I haven’t booked my flight in the last week that I’m keeping her in limbo, even though I told her upfront I want to pay off my car first and when that would happen. She says it isn’t mandatory, but her actions say otherwise why else would she be mad at me for not booking my flight right away?

So I’m looking for advice here: Would you accept the offer for the points to get the flight half off, knowing she’ll likely hold it over your head? Or pay the full $260? Would you book the ticket now in order to keep peace? Or should I stick to my original goal of paying off the car first?

I’m sorry for venting, it’s just really frustrating that I’m even being put in this situation and quite frankly I just don’t get why brides are starting to expect these things of their bridesmaids. I just got married in May and I didn’t expect anything like this from my girls.

simplyelise

I would stick to your guns. I definitely wouldn't accept any offer that she will hold over your head, because if she gets demanding about something else later on, she will pull that out of her back pocket and use it.

Find your company line and just keep repeating it. "So excited to be a part of your wedding, I'm planning to purchase Vegas tickets in mid-April when it works for my budget. How's the rest of the wedding planning going?"

AprilZ81

The only requirement of being in a wedding is to buy the requested dress (hopefully one that is within your budget) and show up with a smile on your face.

You can't be "required" to attend a multi-day out of town party.  Especially if it isn't within your budget.   NO ONE gets to tell you how to spend your own money.

Keep telling her that you will let her know as soon as you find out if you have the money to go to Vegas with her

als1982

Frankly, I would decline attending entirely and revaluate the friendship completely. This doesn't sound like a person I would want in my life.

jessica490

I would book it when and IF you are ready and able to afford it. Don't let her pressure you....she's not acting like a good friend by doing that. Maybe she's just over-excited and wants you to be there for her, but she needs to calm down...

hoffse

Agreed with the others:

1) Don't accept the points - that's a recipe for disaster

2) Don't book until you're ready

3) Pay off the car first

4) Reconsider whether you want to be in the wedding at all if she's going this crazy

I'm assuming the flights are on SW since they were only released last week for September dates?  If so, there are some pretty easy ways to get free SW flights - it involves opening a credit card so that may not be something you are interested in, but there are options.

Frankly, though, it sounds like you have another 10 months of this.  I'm not sure I would be willing to deal with this kind of drama for that long.

RosieC18

I agree - stick to your guns. She's the one being rude here, so don't let her guilt youvibto anything you don't want to.

Also, making you book flights now for a trip in September is crazy. You're probably paying significantly more by booking so far in advance. Maybe she's afraid people will back out? She's sure making it sound tempting!

abrewer5

Thank you all for your feedback. I'm so glad to see others agree with me and I'm not being crazy. I have the money to book the flight technically, but I just have that money earmarked for something else (paying off my car).

@rosiec18- She wants us to book our flights now to make sure everyone gets on the same flight, and since she picked the cheapest flight she thinks they'll be sold out by the end of the month.

@hoffse- I was actually looking into that this morning. I'm not going to take the points, it's not worth it. I'm going to see if opening the SW card is worth it or not.

formerlyGDaisy09

Don't let her push you into things.  I'm the kind of person that the more a friend pushes me to do something (especially when it involves spending my money) the less likely I am to do it. I try not to let it cost me a friendship, but if a friend is willing to let me go because I didn't want to spend my own money they aren't really a friend I want to have anyways. 

hoffse

abrewer5 said:

Thank you all for your feedback. I'm so glad to see others agree with me and I'm not being crazy. I have the money to book the flight technically, but I just have that money earmarked for something else (paying off my car).

@rosiec18- She wants us to book our flights now to make sure everyone gets on the same flight, and since she picked the cheapest flight she thinks they'll be sold out by the end of the month.

@hoffse- I was actually looking into that this morning. I'm not going to take the points, it's not worth it. I'm going to see if opening the SW card is worth it or not.

Tell her she's crazy.  SW runs deals all the time on flights, and they are always changing/rotating which flights are on sale.  It might have been cheapest when she booked, but it will probably be different this week and different again next week.  Most people who travel are probably just now looking at flights/dates for their summer vacation. September is a long way off.

Besides, you guys do not need to be on the same flight.  There ought to be multiple flights a day to Vegas.  You can get direct flights to Vegas from basically everywhere.

SW points are pretty sweet.  It's basically the only airline that prices points-related flights on a purely price-based metric.  So when the price of the flight goes down,the points you need to book a flight also go down.  Plus SW literally has no blackout dates for points.  As long as there's a seat available in the category you are looking at, you can pay with points.

simplyelise

Wow, you guys all have to be on the same flight?! I purchase a TON of flights for people at work, and buying that early for a domestic flight, especially to Vegas where there are a lot of pop up deals, does not necessarily mean you're getting the cheapest flight. 

hoffse

simplyelise said:

Wow, you guys all have to be on the same flight?! I purchase a TON of flights for people at work, and buying that early for a domestic flight, especially to Vegas where there are a lot of pop up deals, does not necessarily mean you're getting the cheapest flight. 

Exactly. Not to mention that flights to Vegas are usually cheaper than other destinations to begin with.  It's the one "fancy" place in the world where flights and hotels are really really cheap for what you're getting... so that you get there and can afford to gamble.

abrewer5

Thank you all for your feedback. I'm so glad to see others agree with me and I'm not being crazy. I have the money to book the flight technically, but I just have that money earmarked for something else (paying off my car).

@rosiec18- She wants us to book our flights now to make sure everyone gets on the same flight, and since she picked the cheapest flight she thinks they'll be sold out by the end of the month.

@hoffse- I was actually looking into that this morning. I'm not going to take the points, it's not worth it. I'm going to see if opening the SW card is worth it or not.

Tell her she's crazy.  SW runs deals all the time on flights, and they are always changing/rotating which flights are on sale.  It might have been cheapest when she booked, but it will probably be different this week and different again next week.  Most people who travel are probably just now looking at flights/dates for their summer vacation. September is a long way off.

Besides, you guys do not need to be on the same flight.  There ought to be multiple flights a day to Vegas.  You can get direct flights to Vegas from basically everywhere.

SW points are pretty sweet.  It's basically the only airline that prices points-related flights on a purely price-based metric.  So when the price of the flight goes down,the points you need to book a flight also go down.  Plus SW literally has no blackout dates for points.  As long as there's a seat available in the category you are looking at, you can pay with points.

Thanks for the info! That's good to know. I'm looking on their website now and I feel really stupid, is the Rapid Rewards the credit card? I don't see where you have to provide your full SSN to sign up for that, so I may be looking at the wrong thing.

hoffse

This is the card - through Chase.  Note that there is an annual fee ($69), and it's not waived the first year.  Still, $69 for a couple free flights isn't bad.

https://creditcards.chase.com/southwest

FYI, Rapid rewards is the name of the SW rewards program.  You will link the card to your Rapid rewards account (similar to Amazon if you have that card) and the points are deposited into your SW account for you to spend on flights.

The only thing is they run deals every couple of months where the sign-up bonus is 50,000 pts instead of 25,000 pts.  I would probably be inclined to wait a month or two to see if they run that deal in time for you to take advantage of it.

I will say that if this is the only SW flight you anticipate taking over the next year or two it might not be worth opening the card.  I personally think that airline points should be earned and burned because they get devalued all the time.  If you can't spend them in the next year or two I would probably just pay out of pocket.  

als1982

hoffse said:

This is the card - through Chase.  Note that there is an annual fee ($69), and it's not waived the first year.  Still, $69 for a couple free flights isn't bad.

https://creditcards.chase.com/southwest

FYI, Rapid rewards is the name of the SW rewards program.  You will link the card to your Rapid rewards account (similar to Amazon if you have that card) and the points are deposited into your SW account for you to spend on flights.

The only thing is they run deals every couple of months where the sign-up bonus is 50,000 pts instead of 25,000 pts.  I would probably be inclined to wait a month or two to see if they run that deal in time for you to take advantage of it.

I will say that if this is the only SW flight you anticipate taking over the next year or two it might not be worth opening the card.  I personally think that airline points should be earned and burned because they get devalued all the time.  If you can't spend them in the next year or two I would probably just pay out of pocket.  

Try Googling for the 50k sign up bonus. It's usually always available, sometimes you just have to search for it. Boardingarea.com or Milepoint.com are good sources. Also, the annual fee is actually $99. For just one flight, especially to Vegas, I'm not sure it's worth it. If you do take the plunge into points, look into other signup bonuses, and make sure to attach your card to their dining program. We usually end up with several thousand of miles a year this way purely by things we already do.

Xstatic3333

Yikes.  Ditto everything everyone else said, I just need to add to the chorus of "she's being ridiculous."

If I was fed up enough and feeling punchy, I'd probably even say something to the effect of, "I love you and am so excited for your wedding, but I need you to stop pressuring me.  I'm hurt that you are asking me to put this ahead of my family's finances, even though I'm planning to go and to book in April."  It depends if you feel like fighting that battle, of course.  Was she like this pre-engagement or does she just have a case of the Bridezillas?

short+sassy

Ugh, I hate hearing stories like this.  I don't understand why weddings turn some people in to such crazies.  It's just a bachelorette party...and an OOT one at that.  It's not like she's receiving the Nobel Peace Prize. 

I'm sure it will be lots of fun, but its an entirely optional event.  I promise, her soon-to-be future marriage will not be invalidated if you don't go to her party at all or (gasp) take a different flight from everyone else.  And that she threw a one-week hissy fit because you're not planning to book your flight until only FIVE months ahead of time is especially ridiculous.

I apologize if my rant is too harsh.  But people, whether wedding related or not, who tell others how/when they should spend their money make me extra ragey.

formerlyGDaisy09

short+sassy said:

Ugh, I hate hearing stories like this.  I don't understand why weddings turn some people in to such crazies.  It's just a bachelorette party...and an OOT one at that.  It's not like she's receiving the Nobel Peace Prize. 

I'm sure it will be lots of fun, but its an entirely optional event.  I promise, her soon-to-be future marriage will not be invalidated if you don't go to her party at all or (gasp) take a different flight from everyone else.  And that she threw a one-week hissy fit because you're not planning to book your flight until only FIVE months ahead of time is especially ridiculous.

I apologize if my rant is too harsh.  But people, whether wedding related or not, who tell others how/when they should spend their money make me extra ragey.

I agree, wedding things seem to be getting out of hand. I just got invited to a combo bridal shower bachelorette party for a friend, unfortunately I think I'm opting out of the whole thing because it's out of town for me...I'd love to go to the shower, but the bachelorette party is looking like a $200-300 affair and I don't see how I can attend the bridal shower that is immediately followed by the bachelorette party without attending the bachelorette portion of the party.