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I Need to Leave
Hello Everyone,
My husband, since we've been married (almost one year) has decided to take up drinking heavily. He started drinking two weeks after the wedding after being sober for a long time. He's been drinking every day since May 6, 2014. Some days he drinks a ton, other days he can still sort of function. I use that term loosely. This fall he decided to start drinking beer and vodka (or rum) at the same time. This caused him to turn into a raging lunatic who spent a night in jail for trying to attack me in the middle of the afternoon while on a drunken bender. When he got out of jail, he stopped the hard alcohol but still felt the need to drink beer. Shortly after the holidays his drinking increased. His cousin who's the same age died 3 weeks ago and now my husband cannot cope at all with the grief. He is drinking alllll day every day, beer, hard liquor, you name it. He doesn't work (had his own company but lost it to drinking), doesn't do s%it around the house, no cooking, no cleaning, and constantly gives me, the one who does work, an attitude allll the time! I am so sick of him!!!! I found a new place to live and can fully support myself because, hello! I do it now! The problem is he gets in my face, gives me attitude, fights, argues, throws a temper tantrum when things don't go his way. Hearing I want to leave will NOT make him happy. I sign the lease on a new home next Tuesday and really do NOT want him on my lease. I want time away from him because right now I feel like I'm being pulled in so many directions and so much stress is on me with having to support his a$$. I'm tired of supporting him!!!!!! He WON'T get off his a$$ and work because that would require sobriety and he doesn't want to go to rehab. He feels he can kick the drinking himself. When he's ready, of course haha. I need help getting away from this a$$, any advice?
Re: I Need to Leave
I would not put him on your new lease nor would I tell him where your new place is... by the sound of it I would also request a restraining order against him.
This is scary. Get your affairs in order and leave his bum.
Thank you ladies for the positive encouragement during this really tough time in my life, you are appreciated!
Dittoing the other PPs, sounds like you are already moving in the right direction. Good for you! This is obviously a terrible situation that you need to get out of. I'm so sorry to hear your marriage started going downhill so fast because of his drinking.
It sounds like he was just waiting for that marriage certificate to be signed to then start showing his true colors. This isn't your fault. Please don't blame yourself or start questioning your own judgment. Unfortunately, some people are excellent at putting on a "good face" until it is too late.
In essence, he is really the one who "left" you a long time ago. I predict your first night alone in your new house, you will feel an enormous weight lifted off and a sense of pure freedom. It will only get better from here. Good luck!
In the meanwhile, protect your assets and do not let him have access to any money. A drunk will drain you dry.
AlAnon for you, stat. They will tell you what we told you: Leave him.
The "I am leaving until you sober up with the help of AA" won't work here, I am afraid. YOu can't take that chance or option. Leave him.
It is scary to leave. It gets a thousand times better after you do. You're about to enter a golden period. Everything is so wonderful after leaving a dysfunctional relationship.
At this point, it's volatile and you have to consider this a safety issue.
Frig the new home with the lease; do not sign it.
Leave him and everything behind.
Leave for work...and instead of leaving for work, go home to your parent's house or anywhere -- screw the furniture and the clothes. Take only your valuables and go.
Valuables meaning your wedding ring and erring and bank books and other small valuable items you can fit right into your purse. That is all you need to take with you.
Clothes you can buy elsewhere when you are away from him and who cares about the furniture and contents of your home?
He probably won't realize you are missing....until it's time for him to hit you up for money for booze...and then he'll probably get it that you are gone for good. Too bad.
No forwarding address and file for divorce before you leave. Let the attorney mail the summons, rather than have a process server come out to the house to do it. He will be served in a day or 2 after the summons returns to the attorney and is ready to go to the defendant.
After that, this is his turkey. HIS turkey, not yours.
Leave him posthaste. Take everything valuable and go -- protect your money and other assets first. Do not let him have access to your money.
Enough is enough. This was never a marriage: this was a year and a half bender. Leave him and do it now.