advice already received, thank u

MarriedFeb2015

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BlueBirdMB

Again I will say, you need therapy.  You have some deep set intimacy issues that are affecting your marriage.  

No, kissing, thrusting, and whispering "are you ok?" if you look pained, is not unusual at all.  Are you in pain?  Physically?  Or are you just turned off by what he is doing?  Kissing during sex is 100% normal.  It's on of the advantages to having sex in a position where you face one another.  The fact that this bothers you is another red flag.

And again I will ask, do you talk to him about this?

MrsAshleyH10

I'm starting to think this is MUD.

If not, your guy loves you and is trying show you by trying to please you.  You have serious intimacy issues and need to work on them immediately before your relationship deteriorates.  

MarriedFeb2015

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MarriedFeb2015

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MrsAshleyH10

I had already read your previous posts.  

You keep saying you're uncomfortable but instead of doing something about it, you continue to ask internet strangers for advice... and really all we can do is point you in the direction of a therapist and being open with your husband.

Start by working on yourself, then your relationship. Your husband will understand and help you in any way he possibly can, but you have to be open and honest and actually want to get better. 

See a therapist, join a group therapy, find an activity that helps you feel whole (your therapist will be able to point you in the right direction).  I'm telling you... Call and make a therapy appointment TOMORROW.  It is not an easy thing to start, but it is for the best.

MrsAshleyH10

Couple more things.  Stop making it all about your husband-- you have needs too.. this whole "I love sex with my husband. He get off everytime we have sex" makes the sexy time all about him and not you.  When you're alone or with him, experiment with what makes you feel good-- you should be enjoying this too-- and show him exactly what you need.  There is no shame between partners when it comes to figuring out what you want and satisfying each other. 

Also, stop blaming your family.  It's the past and you need to move forward.  When you dwell on the past, it clouds your present and your future.  Be the person you want to be-- your past will always be a part of you, but how it effects you is entirely up to you.

GilliC

First, yes, that is normal. Some guys like to shut out the world and focus only on themselves. Other men (like your husband) are more interested that their partner is enjoying it and do many different things during sex. Some men can even watch sports or play video games during sex (though I would guess that most women do not find that attractive)! Talking, kissing, and touching other body parts are incredibly normal. Even if they're not doing anything else, most men prefer to look at their partner during sex. For a lot of guys, seeing that their partner enjoys it is a huge turn-on and a very important part of sex.

Second, it's good that you mentioned to him that sometimes sex can be uncomfortable. There are a few things you can do...

Of the positions that you've tried or that you feel comfortable with, try to determine which ones are the most comfortable for you. It's important that you can relax and not worry about the chance of it hurting.

I get the impression that you don't like it when he asks if you're okay or if it hurts. If that's the case, you should tell him that, also! He probably just worries about you, and it's very likely that he wants you to enjoy the sex. If his asking is a turn-off for you, you need to be the one to step up and tell him when it hurts and when you need to adjust. If you promise him that you'll let him know when something is wrong, he won't need to ask you. And if you feel uncomfortable saying something like "That's hurting a little" or "I need to adjust," why not decide on something like a "safe word." You can agree on something else that you're more comfortable saying, and you both know that it means you need to change things up a bit.

MarriedFeb2015

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NoneForUs

Your husband is just showing how much he loves you and wants to please you in bed. 

I wonder if your discomfort with normal things in bed are due to your inexperience. 

I always closed my eyes while having sex until I met my husband. He insisted on looking deep into my eyes while we made love to increase the connection. 

MarriedFeb2015

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NoneForUs

It is typical for a virgin to take a while to become comfortable with sex. Your husband is being very patient and loving which is important. If your husband says that he is happy with your marriage, you need to trust what he is saying instead of constantly looking for problems. If your husband says he is happy and he is treating you well, he is going to get annoyed with you always asking if he is happy. There's also no need to mention what you will do if the marriage doesn't work out. That's not nice, especially since you are a newlywed. 

I'm glad that your MIL loves you. It's nice to have a mother figure like that. There's nothing wrong with being good to your MIL but not at the expense of your feelings and your marriage. You and your husband come first. I understand how powerful cultural influences are but you need to let some of those go. You have been in America for years and you can't keep using your culture as a reason for every choice that you make. In the culture that I was raised with, it is typical for women to turn a blind eye to their husband's affairs. I will not allow that nonsense in my marriage.

Please do not lose all of yourself in your marriage. Your husband fell in love with your traits that had nothing to do with him. If you want to remain interesting, you need to have your own interests outside of catering to your husband. I take care of my husband too but I have my own friends and activities that I enjoy. 

BlueBirdMB

OP, there is nothing wrong with your English.  I understand what you are saying perfectly, but I think all your posts are about the same deep set issues that you aren't working on.  This will ultimately destroy your marriage if you don't learn to resolve your issues with your family.  You blame your family or your culture for every issue.  I understand this, but it's a reaction of someone who has not worked through their issues and is still controlled by the negative experiences of their past.

You need therapy.  100%.  Also, I recommend reading "Ethnicity and Family Therapy".  It helped me understand more about my husband's culture and my own.