Grandchild and Grandparent

OzLondon

I am fairly annoyed at my Dad as neither my daughter or I have had a birthday or Xmas card for two years. (My daughter is 12). We live in separate hemispheres and call each other sporadically but all that I have asked is that he at least send a card for her birthday and Xmas, I send cards to him and my Step-mother. Now that she has had a biological grandchild my daughter has not even had so much as a card (let alone a present). What annoys me the most is that my Step-Dad always makes an effort, after my Mum past away to include us in his life.... Yet my biological Dad does not seem to car one bit. How do I explain this to my daughter who is getting rather upset especially as she makes an effort to make and send cards of all their significant events (e.g. Birthdays, Xmas, Fathers Day and Mothers Day).

puppylove2014

I would tell him, one more time, that his granddaughter is very sad he doesn't seem to bother to acknowledge her on holidays. If he continues to ignore this, it's time to stop trying and accept this is how it is. I certainly would not have your daughter send him any more cards.

I guess this is a lesson we all have to learn at one time or another. There are going to be people in your life who are not going to be what you want.

It really sucks for your daughter but you can't make him understand if he doesn't want to.

jtmh2012

Just because you send cards does not obligate them to do so.

Not to mention, there are many people out there these days that seem them as a waste of money.

VOR

puppylove2014 said:

I would tell him, one more time, that his granddaughter is very sad he doesn't seem to bother to acknowledge her on holidays. If he continues to ignore this, it's time to stop trying and accept this is how it is. I certainly would not have your daughter send him any more cards.

I guess this is a lesson we all have to learn at one time or another. There are going to be people in your life who are not going to be what you want.

It really sucks for your daughter but you can't make him understand if he doesn't want to.

All of this.  Being a "dad" or a "grandfather" isn't going to make someone act as WE think they should as a father or grandfather.  Some of this needs to be a lesson about accepting this and accepting that we can't dictate how other people act. 

You all need to send cards if and only if it's something  you want to do w/o reciprocation.  If it really bothers you to not get anything in return, then stop sending him cards.  Nothing wrong with that. 

It sucks- I feel you on that.  But you have to work with what reality is, not what you want it to be.

Erikan73

Time to be honest, you don't know why he isn't sending her cards and unfortunately in life, just because you do something nice for someone, doesn't mean they'll do the same for you. That doesn't mean she shouldn't do nice things for others, but do it because she wants to, not because she expects something in return.

OzLondon

Thank you all for the advice. The comments were very fair and as much as it hurts me to see my daughter upset I agree. I have to continue to help her act how she wants to act so that she can feel good about herself and to not worry about others. Whatever their baggage is it belongs to them.