need advice

snowyend95

soo I need advice on how to control getting so frustrated with my fiancé when she says stupid things and how to not fight over little petty stuff its just tearing us apart we would have our good days then our bad days what should I do if I have those bad days where she's in one of her moods and is just making frustrated?

englishtrish1

Do you think she is stupid? Or just saying stupid things to irritate you and push your buttons?

GilliC

Simple answer? Establish better communication.

1. Determine whether she also thinks these things are petty or if she just has different priorities. Discuss this when neither of you is upset. Recognize the things that are important to one of you but not the other and agree to accept each other's opinion.

2. Ask her what she would like you to do in these situations. Again, plan a safe and non-confrontational discussion to address this when neither is already upset. Determine what she wants when she's upset and come to an agreement about what you believe you can realistically do for her in these situations. Does she want to talk about it? Maybe she just wants to be left alone. Maybe a hug would be a huge help. Maybe she's not sure, and you need to determine a safe way that you can ask and she can answer when she's upset. Conversely, you need to be ready to volunteer the same information when you're upset.

People respond to things differently, and we don't always understand or recognize the ways that our partners react. Sometimes doing for them what we would like to have done for us in these situations is actually exacerbating the problem. It's important to be able to talk about these things, as they may change with time.

If you aren't able to have these discussions openly, you should definitely look into talking to a counselor, therapist, clergy member, etc. who can help you form better communication habits with each other.

Also, let go of any grudges this may have caused in the past. It's hard, but we make mistakes, and if we can't move past them, they will build up and eventually bring down the relationship.

van01

Break up, move on. Life is too short to deal with a bad relationship.  work on becoming a better person and then start a new relationship.

Erikan73

You obviously love her or you wouldn't be asking for advice. Try to work things out, but in the mean time, put off the wedding until you do. Issues like this can ruin a marriage.

LuvlyLJ

GilliC 's response by asking are you two under a lot of stress?  Are you trying to see it from her point of view?

Usually when my bf and I get into it over stupid petty stuff one of us is either, hungry, tired, stressed or all of the above.  I ask myself is this worth fighting over.  Or I'll even ask him, is this worth fighting over?

It's usually not and we usually move on.  I'll even say remember yesterday when you were so nice and sweet to me...:) bring that guy back

She may even feel like she's not being heard.  That's when I get pretty bad to be honest.  Is it over the same stuff or different little stuff?

DawnSerra

Hi!

If you're committed to this relationship, I would highly recommend checking out John Gottman's book "The Relationship Cure" and/or Michael Rosenberg's "Non-Violent Communication".

Basically, both of you will need to do a few small tweaks to your communication styles in order to make things a trillion times easier on yourselves. It's possible. It just takes a few new tools in your toolbox and a little patience as you practice talking and listening to each other in new ways.

Of course, you can start without her. I find that if one person in a partnership starts changing how they make requests and how they listen, the other partner begins to do the same. It's just easier when everyone is working together.

You may consider hiring a communication coach/relationship coach to help you, too. 

Good luck!

MarryJk

Nobody is perfect. Discuss each other's shortcomings. This is the most important thing. For example, my brother married a russian girl ( https://mymagicbrides.com/ ). So as they from different cultures he had to explain her a lot. But he was patient. And they still solve all problems by discussing them. If people love each other, they should be able to discuss their problems.

Snarky01

Are you serious? "When she says stupid things?" You sound very immature. My suggestion is to grow up.